mac's cheesy thoughts

///DREAM Setting: Favela- esque I was taking a test and had finished. I wanted to be able to check my grades later so i snuck back in to the classroom at night. I started my way to break in and got inside. I was scared of getting caught the whole time. I looked through one file and looked around the room to see if anyone was watching me. Nobody was so i went on until i saw mine. I opened it up and saw that my grade was a seventy. Not out of the norm so i didnt really care. I exited through the back door but tried to go back in for something. The door opened halfway before being shut on me. Someone was inside. I bolted as fast as i could across the tin rooftops and slid down hills everywhere. Before the person knew it, i was already on the other side of the town. The instructor i was running away from was actually Mr. Charlie.

///DREAM Had a dream where i was playing/in a video game. The way i chose was kind of like Warcraft. In one of the games there was a cocky heug playing. I ended up in one and Jojo was my teammate. He taught me the basics and it was basically to run to a certain point while dodging the people chasing us. The first person behind us got slowed down the whole time and near the goal a guy in armor confronted us. He swung his sword in a huge arc and hit us both knocking us back. I split off and ran on the side of a wall to grenade jump over it. Somehow i ended up meeting the creators of the game and they talked about how excited they were and how big it was going to be. Then i came into a room where Fiji water was. I talked about how cute the bottles were but i had a decision to make between Fiji and Sobe. I ended up choosing Fiji water for some reason and that was that.

///DREAM Bunch of random dreams because I kept waking up and falling back asleep. 1) There were pandas in a cage and I was watching them. They weren't pandas. They were people in panda suits faking to be pandas. 2) I was in a classroom and was taking notes for a big test. We moved into a larger room where they had hot food ready for us. It was delicious. One of the people handing out the food got angry because there weren't many people there and a lot of people weren't eating. I thought the food was delicious so I ate a lot. Especially the biscuit they had their.

///DREAM Had two distinct dreams today because I woke up for a little while and went back to sleep for an hour. Always works to get a good dream. PT. 1 I was driving down the highway and following a car when I noticed how beautiful the sunrise was. For some reason the Sun was a lot bigger than usual. Like a LOT bigger. I'd say about ten times the usual size in the sky. I was deciding whether or not I should stop to take a picture while I was driving and saw a building with lots of graffiti on it and pulled over to the side and onto the road that led into it. I ran into a military gate and they stopped me to ask what I was doing. "Can I get over to that building over there to take some pictures," I said as I showed them my camera. They checked my car real quick and I got nervous for a second because I had an MP5 in there. They let me go through anyway and I proceeded to the building. There I saw a gang just fooling around and stuff. They didn't bother me and I ...

///DREAM I was walking down an alleyway that was designed like one in Europe maybe. I stepped into a shop and saw Allen Suh's mom in there making gyros so I decided to buy one. This happened more than once as I decided to make this a daily stop. I had to get Maria a birthday gift and Allen came with me. He went down the alleyway while I took a different route to the gyro spot. I saw his mom in there but she told me to hurry along to keep going with Allen. We stopped at a Kroger to buy some things and Allen told me to get him two gyro gift cards. I wrote in the date of expiration for them and it ended up being about twenty-one dollars. I used a $25 Kroger gift card but Allen still ended up paying twenty dollars.

///DREAM Ummmmm, something about something. Janos was in it. We... uhhhh yeah I woke up twelve hours ago. This isn't happening. ///DRUGS So, I just got back from working out and recently started taking a pre-workout supplement. I didn't really feel much at first but once I started to work out I could feel the difference. I didn't really feel energized but rather more focused on just pushing myself to the limit. It was a lot easier to get myself to cross that line of stopping until the next set and pushing myself until I couldn't do one more. This is how I should be working out but I was never focused enough to do it. It didn't make me feel nearly a cracked out but like I said just really focused on the workout task on hand. I suppose this would be similar to what Adderall might feel like? I'll keep on using it cuz I think it'll get me some results quick. Must, get, better, at, basketball. Focus focus focus. I don't like drinking coffee and Red Bu...

///DREAM Had a dream where I was being taken into a prison. This prison looked exactly like Chunjoo and I was taken there along with a couple of my friends. The warden was some big black guy and he made sure we would never get out. On our way there we passed spaghetti junction except it looked so much more majestic and grand. Looked reeaaalllyy crazy. Once we started to get near the prison/church we started to plan our escape. Inside there was no real prison cell but rather a big room where all the inmates stayed together. We were put inside and we looked around for a bit and saw a guard standing by a door. We jumped him and promptly took his gun, stashed it in the roof tiles, and waited for our next opportunity to leave. Eventually, we saw our chance, I took the gun and we ran for the door and got out with no problems. I got split from my group and there were a bunch of cars in the parking lot. I crouched around to look for my car with a gun in hand. Found my Saab under a tarp cover...

I've had a few things REALLY bugging me that I know I'm terrible at. The biggest problem is my procrastination. Some people think theirs is bad but man, mine is fucking terrible. I will wait until the last two hours of a test to even start studying for it at all. Sometimes I don't even study for it because I'm just that lazy. It frustrates the hell out of me that I can't pull a Nike and "Just Do It." I've been trying to mash that into my head and it's been working a little better but man my procrastination is so bad that this is going to be one of the biggest challenges of my life. I just do not know how to be productive. Well, I do, I just can't get myself to get up and do things. I'll have a whole day planned out but in the end I'll do nothing because I got too comfortable sitting in front of my laptop. In my head I'm telling myself, "okay just ten more minutes then I'll head out." It never happens. I suppose some do...

///DREAM Had two separate dreams today cuz I woke up for about thirty minutes before going back to sleep. In the first one I think the setting was like a big Counter-Strike map. I had gotten to a spot like an auditorium and there were three seats behind me. Also, on the ground in front of me were these flowers that would bloom if I touched them at all. There were about five or six of them and I touched them all. Three random people sat in three seats behind me and sat down. While I picked off a flower and stuck it on a stick, I threw it at one of them. They thanked me and went on their way. At this point, I went to the top of a building after running through some automatic doors and such to reach the BFG or whatever it was. I got there and someone had already taken it. I took out my Halo Carbine I think and shot him down. Just like in video games, he dropped the gun once I got him and I picked it up. I felt very powerful with it muahaha.  Story 1 the en...

///DREAM too lazy to write much so dream, yesterday, company house, tony, david, jackie, chefs, jackie was acting funny and walking around like a fool. i walked into a shower room that looked abandoned like the ones in fallout 3. today, shit i forgot. um. whatever wasn't cool anyway.

Poop I have no dream at all to recollect this day. I'm starting to tumblr too much I think. It's too easy to just jot down whatever I was thinking about and post it in a very brief and concise couple sentences. I need to blog more so I can elaborate more on the thoughts that I have so I can define them more clearly. I also feel like tumblr is dumbing me down a bit hahaha but that was to be expected by any quick-humor site like that. Love how I can always just log on there and have some laughs. It's like my laugh machine. Laughlaughahalalamooharrr. Ten minutes to work... and then thirteen hours until it's over. NOOOOOOOOOOO

///DREAM Had a dream tonight about something that continued the of something that happened to me in real life. This is real life, I lost my hat at Tae's place despite looking for it. I know it was in there. Dream life, I had gone back there to look for it and they gave me a hat but it wasn't mine. I got really angry because I thought they were keeping the hat from me for whatever reason. So, I decided to go into Tae's room and look for it and ended up inside a secret room within his closet that led had a bunch of bowls, bongs, and whatnot. I took a piece that was $80 and went outside with that fake hat. I threw it at them because I was angry and I remember Rachel Chiang, James Oh, and some other people were around where I threw it. They kinda flipped their shit, I flipped my shit, blah blah blah. I think this is the first angry dream I've ever had. It was not fun. I woke and I could feel my heart burning with this false hatred. It sucked. Anger dreams and throw-up...

///DREAM I wish I wrote my dream down earlier... I forgot everything from it. it was a pretty good one too. oh well, my loss :( hmmmm I was running away from a group of people with a girl, maybe it was sharon? I feel like it was but I also feel like it wasn't. meh. we were running away in a building with a lot of floors and we either had a chance of running down the hall or using the emergency exit. the girl chose the hall and I busted out the emergency exit and basically jumped out the window. this saved us in the end. that's all I remember. hopefully ill remember more of this dream soon. ill remember more if I can get more pieces of the puzzle of my dream. it was pretty action packeedddd

///DREAM tonight had a dream where I was working in good o' bee bong. followed around laura yu because she was carrying a phone and wallet that intrigued me. she dropped it off at a hidden sppot and walked away. my mom was also after it but I got it first. I picked it up and hid it away from others. there was an invoice on there with a bunch of inventory a customer was buying. the customer was the cute couple from kiku I see here and there. when it came time to checkout I said I wouldn't give them the invoice unless I got a krystal's burger which I did end up getting. bryson had brought it over. I was really stressed bc I never got things my way. I found the invoice and it came out to be about $1500. my mom gave a discount of about $160. bryson, laura, the couple, my mom, and my sister were part of this dream. the next dream was at a georgia tech tailgate. started inside of an apartment with a couple people but I only remember allen lim. I went outside with the big tailga...

1. Utah - Bryce Canyon 2. California - Salton Sea I'll add to this later. Just had to remind myself about the Salton Sea. Life is good. It could always be better but I'm content right now. Not much really bothers me. I figure to change my major to psychology. Do I really want to? I think so. I'm a bit afraid of how far I've come in terms of happiness right now. I know life is just a series of ups and downs. Scared for the next down... I'm working on building up some long-term goals for myself so that I always have something to work for and look forward to. Constant self-improvement, learning to meditate maybe, etc. Things that never cease to amaze me every day:    Clouds    Music    Life    Breathing    Love   

Sometimes I wonder if I should tell the people whom I call my closest friends that I've done somewhat hard drugs over the summer. I'm not really sure how they would react. I feel like I should tell them because I have changed a lot for the better. Maybe they would be scared for me. I don't think I would want them to be unnecessarily worried. I'm starting to get worried about whether my short-term memory was affected by Molly. We'll see. I'll definitely stay away from it for now because I'm not liking not having my short term memory right now. I made a pact to myself that if I noticed any adverse affects on my mind then I would abstain. Most research I see on the internet seems to say that staying away for a while will give my brain time to recover and will return my short term memory. My memory isn't that bad but there are times when I just don't remember something that just happened. Anyway, I don't need drugs to feel the love anymore :) Luc...

///DREAM 11/6 at sam kangs with workers, mchoi sang a singalong  everyone kknew. it was epic. went swimming to other side climbing rocks i and few others followed, swam inside but got turned away  bc lifeguard was guarding the  big dropoff, i argued  that we floated, forgot phone was in my pocket. poncho was eating a jumbo chili dog. copy pasted this from some quick notes I made on my phone. surprising how quickly I forget a pretty vivid dream. 11/7 was in a small town in south america or something, was driving to georgia but somehow ended up driving into north and south carolina. didnt want to but it was a one way road going down a huge hill. at the bottom i saw some black rhasta dude in the same position as me except he had to walk. i offered to drive him up the side road back up top. the side road was straight but was also very dark. when i turned on the headlights it was just a really bright single light. ended up having to run over zombies and such. th...

///DREAM Had a pretty lengthy dream today but I can't exactly remember too much of it because I waited a while to put this up. I was standing out on a porch and there was a big ant. Maybe five times bigger than a regular ant. My friend got scared of it, jumped, and ran away from it. Later, a scorpion came by and attacked the ant and started to eat it. It was really... disturbing if anything. The scorpion stabbed it and started to eat the ant from the inside. The ant was in so much pain it started to scream. One of the most disturbing scenes I've had in my dreams ever. I can't remember anything more disturbing than this. Next morning, a couple of guys from the room next over stomped out the scorpion and swept up the remains of the scorpion and ant.

///DREAM Had a dream where the setting was somewhat akin to the old Counter-Strike de_dust map. There were some things different about it but that would be the best way to describe it. Basically, there were two sides. I was on one of them. Couldn't exactly call either side the good side or the bad side. Each seemed to have an equally important agenda. Kinda like the feeling in Miyazaki films when you aren't sure exactly who to be rooting for. Anyway, we were being attacked and I was sent to defend the middle passageway. I went over there and peeked around a corner/box/crate. There were two of them on the other side and one of them was this weird guy. He had such a blank stare on his face and kinda just floated along the ground. My teammate was beside me and I decided to go for Mr. Blank Stare. First, I popped out of hiding and shot a few rounds at him. At this point Mr. Blank Stare started to float across the opening a little faster so he could reach his cover on the other ...

Partying might seem like a fun way to pass the time and breaks but I don't want to party too often. I have yet to go out into nature once since the summer and still need to plan another trip to another city. Most likely Chicago where I can meet up my friend. I'm a boss. Just planned that shit right now. November 5th to November 8th I will be in the Windy City, Chitown, Chicago baby. I'm not really sure what to expect but I'm sure it'll be worth it. I'll get to see a good friend up there. As for partying, for now, I've rediscovered how fun it is. I'll probably eventually ease out of it once it starts to get all same old same old. For now it's a blast. Rave tomorrow, drink on Saturday with coworkers. I'm so happy these days. I actually teared up on how well everything seems to be going right now. Karma must be returning the favor to me. Put good in and get good in return. Some people are the heart and souls of groups. People feel lost and uns...

Dysfunctional family, dysfunctional best friends, and dysfunctional coworkers. I love them all the same. I feel like it's my purpose to fill in the gaps where people feel stressed.

/// CATHARISM If there was a hippy, very spiritual sect of Christianity it would be Catharism. If anything, I would call these people Christian hippies. They disliked any form of control and government because they understood that power lead to corruption. This was mainly seen as a threat to the Church in the medieval age because obviously they were epitome and power and control during that era. They believed that there were two Gods. One who was everything physical, corporeal, and powerful. And another that was a spirit God. Their definition of God would be pretty similar to what I might believe. Or what I think might be the closest interpretation of one. This spirit God was simply love, order, and peace incarnate. Cathars sought to ascend from the physical realm into the spiritual realm by their practices and believed that's how they would achieve a sort of nirvana. I think that God doesn't dabble in words and physical means. I think God is pure emotion. And of course that ...

I feel like writing. I've had many thoughts lately. Too bad I got work tomorrow early. 

///DREAM Man I have lots of video game dreams. I was in some sort of game show. I had a superpower where I was like Sub-Zero or something. I could shape ice in my hands and throw it at people. There were a few of us and we were fighting off a bunch of enemies. Picked up guns here and there. Shot little goblins here and there for points. If I got a headshot my whole team got extra points. The setting seemed to be at the QT gas station near my house. Inside the gas station, a big hole in the ground appeared. We didn't know what the fuck it was. Someone contacted some intel person and they told us the hole had some sort of monster inside and the fall took two years. We started throwing random shit in there while I threw ice blocks. The hole started out really small at first in my dream but opened up to be bigger later. Some weird monster rushed out of the hole and went back in. After the hole got bigger we saw that there were levels like buildings. Lots of floors. The first floor ...

suhhhhnap outta it G's and D's. I choose D's.

Yesterday... as I was watching a video of an angry black lady yelling about slavery on worldstarhiphop and got the dreaded blue screen of death. Now my computer only runs in safe mode. FML ///DREAM went through old neighborhood fields, saw two ladies yelling at each other, one was black, i ended up just playing around with the huge black lady, she danced with me, and it sucked, ended up at some three day festival, first day was mainly at food vendor, middle line was skinny and long, side lines were broader and wide, second day i took my medication in morning, had four drops of acid, went to friends place, felt like i hadn't taken it

blaarrgghhh. life after lucy feels so blah. blah blah blah. i'm drained. everything was symbolic of something wish i could just lay around doing nothing tomorrow everything is still wiggling hardcore... how did i drive home HAHAAHAH shiet why do we have to justify things we do? long as they good just do it everything seemed so poetic fml that is my life this trip's main theme song was Pumped up Kicks i hope this trip was worth it. needed to just let go of some stress. fuucckk work things i'm happy i have 1) my knowledge 2) fuck all else, i win i'm still a long way from being the kind of person i want to be. the only thing stopping me is me. and i couldn't be a bigger obstacle. faackk i need to sort the shit that went through my head later. right now, it is mental baggage... because everything needs to end happily on lucy trips i create a smiley face :D and another :D pahaha they look so happy. i can rest easy knowing that this entry has been the creation of at least...

///DREAM One of my least favorite dream types. The false-awakening type. I dreamt that I woke up to get ready for work. I had sleep paralysis so I couldn't really move. I just simply tried to roll off the couch to shock myself into getting awake. Eventually I fell off hit my face on the floor and went to the bathroom. Washed up and RINGRINGRING. Real alarm. FML I got ready twice for work. Just because it didn't happen in the real world doesn't change the fact I felt like I got ready... double dose of tiredly getting ready. Hmmmm I wonder if I'm ready to meet up Molly and Lucy again. We'll see. "The Little Prince" is my current book. Kinda sad that it's not my own copy so I can't highlight into it. I'd much rather highlight into my books. It's short so I'm expecting to finish it by the end of this week. "Six Weeks to Yehidah" is my next book. Supposed to be a modern day interpretation of "Wizard of OZ." Amazon's d...

///DREAM I was angry. Punching many things. I remember punching a glass window. It did not hurt at all. I think I was angry because of work. Hooray for work stress! Story of my life.

Alan Watts - Nothingness Too good. ///HEAVEN If I think about it. I do believe in a heaven. Just, no Hell. Definitely, no Hell. I just realized why I'm not afraid of being sent to any Hell. Like I said earlier, definitely no Hell. I've been researching a lot of different religions that I'd be closest to. And it is actually Zen Buddhism. All is one, one is all. Love everyone. Karma. The little things I do to "center" myself. Things that relieve stress easily. Read about it in "Wallflower." Basically, I think Zen. Ish. This topic got a bit boring and I have no idea how to continue on track. Maybe LSD didn't make sense of anything really. Maybe I just gave the thoughts I had more meaning. I made each great thought into towers in my mind as morals to follow. The more meaning that one thought happened to have on me, the bigger the tower. I am by no means perfect. I do not think the way I am is some gold standard. I still get angry at others and judge. My ...

///DREAM I was on a field trip with a group of people. I remember seeing Allen Lim there with me. We took a trip to a place similar to the wedding scene in "The Fall." Walking up staircases I had my camera and so did Allen. I suddenly walked outside and saw the ocean and just stared out there. A girl named Vada grabbed my hand, smiled, and started to take me somewhere. Vada was black and tonight, black was beautiful. We got to the top of a staircase and I saw Allen laying on the ground, asleep. I realized I had lost my camera and started traversing the whole expanse for it. I looked everywhere, inside concert halls where orchestras were playing, in corners, asking people, in pillows, and bags. Eventually I remember just sitting down and doing something. Sam from "Wallflower" returned my camera to me. She said she was looking for me to return it. She looked exactly as I imagined her in my head when I read the book. Except she had blue, not green, eyes. Still beautifu...

Well weekend I think helped me sort some shit out. I think I really got it figured out this time. Lots of thinking. And so I open my blog again to... the one for sure, and maybe one other reader out there. I can't write to myself. It's weird. It's much easier to write as if I'm explaining something to someone. In my head it just works better. Like I'm giving a speech. I don't know it's weird. Maybe you guys understand. It's like how Charlie in "Wallflower" had to write letters. Diaries are too private. I like knowing that my writing will be read. I'm glad I can entertain some people's lives with all the thoughts that go through my head. I wish I could find someone to debate with. An argument for arguing sake. No harm, no foul. Just to see who has the stronger theory by word. I want to talk to someone who I can talk to about "Wallflower." Funny how I don't see the need to take out "who I can talk to." The "wa...

It feels nice to have freedom to write whatever I want knowing no one else can read it. Although, it does feel weird since I feel like I'm writing to nobody except myself. Like talking to myself in my head. ///DREAM Had a dream where I was walking around and saw this huge tower. It seemed a big pixelated and on top was a person. Not sure what they were doing or what they said to me. Eventually I ended up in my family's old store. I had to stock up a bunch of items. I went inside and all the doors had double locks and a bolt lock. There were about five doors or so. I went around to lock all of them, or so I thought. This black lady came in once and complained about her scarf. Another came in and complained about the prices. Blah blah. Not sure how long that went on for but it was a few more. Once it got to stocking the items I ended up stocking stuff with Angie. We lolligagged as we put hung stuff up. After this I don't really remember much. I think the weirdest thing in dre...

///DREAM Once again another gamey dream. I was in some sort of old house. A kind of medieval village house. I was controlling a character with a suit of armor on. Made him just jump around looking into containers for items. All of a sudden Ms. Sandy barges in and asks me for $100 for a plane ticket to Korea because Mr. Charlie didn't catch the flight. I gave it to her and just she hurried along her way. Francisco was right behind her for some reason to tell me something but he disappeared from my dream before anything happened. Forgot the rest of my dream after taking a little break. ///SHADOW Well I think I've been unconsciously trying to be my shadow lately. And just now I realize that it's been working out terribly. Nothing but adding stress into my life. I'll go back to what I think is my mature/old soul nature. Life was easier that way. Always trying to seek adventure every day is hard to do. I can enjoy the simple beauty in every single day. My ???? shadow is too ...

Well last night's post was a trip. Not sure if I want to keep it up there. I'll decide later. ///DREAM I remember getting shot. About three times. In the chest. Bleeding. Heaving as I tried to breathe. Stumbling towards my shooter covered by the shadows. Then slowly dragging myself across the floor as my legs went limp. It's okay though. I prefer having the worst/scariest dreams rather than the happiest dreams where I get the things I want most. At least when I wake up from a scary dream I realize that it was just a dream. But when I wake up from a dream of wanting that one thing I want most it's the worst. Because I wake up... and realize it was just a dream.

glad to know i can shed tears for people i care for... he's like an older brother i never had. look up to him in ways he probably doesn't even know. here i am. in the middle of a study room with six other guys. trying to pretend i'm yawning for an excuse for the few tears the managed to break through despite my attempts in holding them back. not sure what to do with the sniffles...

///DREAM Short dream today. Probably because I didn't get much sleep and had so much on my mind. I was at Kiku and the hibachi chefs were starting to not give a shit. They threw lobster tails at each other, me, and the customers. I had to talk them down to actually do something. I decided I had to have a stern conversation with the owner or the head hibachi chef. The end. I hate work dreams. It's basically me working for free. Been at library for an hour. Read nothing so far. Went shooting like I said today. It was fun as shiiitttt. I want to do it again. So exhilarating. So loud. My left ear is still having a bit of a hard time hearing. Gotta say the shotgun was the best. You can just feel the power of it. So much recoil and oomph.

///BEAUTIFUL DAY!!! Had a good day today. Actually, fuck that. I had an amazing day. Probably the most noteworthy in a while. To start off the day, I had some kimbap made by Mama Kwon. Sent her a text later saying how I love her. I don't do it nearly enough. Putting Good into the world requires more effort than doing nothing but the rewards are so obvious once you do it. Instantly felt happy knowing that my hard-working mother would be revitalized at work once she saw that message. Gave me a grin. I then went through three hours of boring classes. Received a sixty on a test. But eff that. Afterwards, I went inside the library to see what everyone else was up to. Same old same old, sit around the table chit-chat about small talk. Usually I would stay and amuse them but today! Today! I had books to read. The weather was fucking nice and beautiful. I just plopped down at a courtyard table with a plastic chair, took my bookbag off, pulled out Wallflower, set my music to some chill, gr...

///DREAM Yessss, I'm back to dreaming on a regular basis again. Feels good. I'll have to keep writing them down so that I don't lose it again. I was at the pool with Janos and Jimin (again, why do they keep coming into my dreams?). We were all just chillin' around the pool and there was also a grizzly bear and a penguin in the pool. I jumped in and started to swim around. Jimin pulled out her camera and started to take pictures of me and the bear. Me and the bear got together for a buddybuddy picture with our arms around each other. I was kinda scared cuz as much as this bear was "trained" I knew it was still an animal. He was dangerously close to me. After the pool I went into some sort of laboratory and aliens started attack Earth. I looked up into the sky and there were these two huge airships that were part of our sides forces and they were transporting something. They struggled to move anywhere because of some cargo they were holding so it dropped it into...

///DREAM Today, I had another one of them video gamey dreams. Except it was like real life with aspects of games in it. I don't remember much cuz I had to go do something for an hour but here's what I do remember. I was in a basement running away from some people. I ran down a few flights of stairs and at the bottom level there was a big bookcase at the end of the room. The guys chasing me cornered me but the bookcase came to life as Alucard from the show Hellsing came from the shadows. He drove them off and we came out of the building together. Outside it was a woody area with the only structure was the little bunker that led into where I just was. We picked up a couple of rifles and started walking around. I walked towards the trees and heard some twigs snap so we crouched down. As the steps got louder we saw that it was a woman, a child (girl), and a dog. I thought they spotted us but they didn't. We turned around to head into the field instead but saw two soldiers wal...

really hope nice guys at at least finish

///DREAM In today's dream I was with Janos, Jimin, BJ, and Molli. We were all about to go to some concert and before we went in we gathered together in a room with a bunch of bookshelves lined with comic books. At the table I took out some Molly for us to split before the concert. We mixed it up together with some mustard powder because some other people were doing that too to hide it better. I walked around and looked for a food vendor and got a hot dog and a pretzel. It was the best pretzel ever when I bit into it. It was so warm, soft, tasty, and had just the right amount of butter and salt on it. Mmmm I'm getting hungry. When Janos was almost done the cops came in and busted the other table so we quickly hid the stuff and good thing we used mustard powder to hide it. The cops questioned us and said something about testing the ketchup in the bowl next to us but that was about it. So, I wonder if my dreams are telling me not to be around drugs right now because bad things a...

///DREAM Really late posting this. Whatever, at least I remember something still. Friend was in relationship with someone. Friend was not happy about this. The end. Funny how I get this exact vibe from said friend. hohoho I don't know. hohoho I don't care. hohoho I lied yes I do. Aw shit. Thursday is tomorrow... meaning four days of hell at Kiku. This will be madness. ON THE PLUS SIDE I GET PAID IN A WEEK YEEAAAHHH I need to learn to just not care sometimes. I'm not a bad spot these days. Feel too vulnerable to certain emotions. Bahaha die. I think die is my favorite word right now. It's not a very good one... but it reminds me of Lee Hyun Jae academy.

I love how I say, "I love you" to my mom at the end of all our phone calls and mean it every single time. Ain't no shame in lovin' my mama. -edit FFFUUUCCCKKK I really hate how stupid ass laws keep me from traveling. I'm bound so hard by some stupid ass shit dead people wrote into a little book. Eff you people. Don't be jelly cuz we can live happier lives than you ever could. Fuckers. fjlsghsrosdfjsldfij

///DREAM I was in something like a video game again and once again I was both the person playing the game and the character inside the game as well. I was parachuted over a map and landed down in a building ruins. I looked around for a gun and got a Kar98k and went around to explore. Eventually I ran into some enemies and opened fire on them. I looked down the iron-sights and shot them in the head. Now, apparently these were robot soldiers or something b/c when they got shot it had a metallic *ping* sound. I got hit a few times but just like in video games my health regenerated after my screen turned red for a second. Next, after running around some more I came into close combat with some more enemies. This is where the perspective changed to me playing the game instead of me actually being inside. I was trying to figure out the button for a melee attack and started pressing every button. Turned out it was 'C' and I got 'em all. One down, another, and another so on and so f...

Past two weeks have been a trip. Went through one of those phases again. Hopefully it's behind me now. Now I can just focus on school, work, getting back to exercising, and fun. I still have much to learn on longboarding. I need to read CH. 4 of my marketing book.

So, I'm studying right now and there's an example of game theory in here. Here's how it goes: "A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.  If he stopped, she stopped.  Furthermore she kept staring at him.  She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay."  "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."  She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom.” The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..  Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.  And all is well. That's how I've been looking at life lately. Until the next ...

I wonder if I even need to put a title in. We shall see. Another way I'm living my life is how relatively we make no impact on anything at all. Even the impact I make on Earth is negligible. I'm not here thinking I can change the world. I help when I can, if I can. I think I could live alone and be totally fine. I feel so content when I'm just chillin by myself. Doing nothing. Letting my mind wander. I feel like I need to do something productive because it's what people do, but I never want to. I just sit, and sit, and sit. However, I can get into a bit of a depressed fit if I think on things that are sad... It's weird how I know I could be so happy if I just left everything behind me to just roam and make a living doing odd-jobs here and there. Weird to think about. How it's such an easy reality to achieve and yet it seems so difficult and distant. Test on Monday. I know nothing. Story of my college career.

I might make this really short. Maybe I'll end up getting really into it and pass on my precious hours of sleep before another 13+ hours at work. Who knows. I know I don't. ///END GAME So, I've had a pretty obvious epiphany about spirituality. Everyone goes into religion for spirituality right? We don't go into it because we think it's fun to be bound by words and books. No, every person who ends up sticking with their religion does so in order to find spirituality because that's what we all look for. It's our end game. It's what makes life easy, gives us purpose, and happiness. Which is why I can see what someone means when they say that, "everyone worships the same God." In the end, the message is the same, and that is to just live and let live, help others, and put out good into the world. If someone who just seems so angry, annoying, or crazy, don't get reciprocate their emotions back at them, just hope that they can be happier and move...

my writing self is very quirky and odd. hello this is mac the writer. herrow herrow. blah blah blah. i like cookies and like to read while i poop. i actually don't like cookies. i wonder what other parts of myself i can just harness. i think my writing self and real self are the same? barriers of communication. what am i doing. i have homework. eff homework. BONOBO TOMORROW!! chegg egg meg beg leg peg. i think my writing self is starting to just become my thoughts as i think them in my head. well i'll just type whatever i think. hello hello thinkingthinking. thinking about something to think. thinking about thinking. this is going on endlessly. muse has a song called endlessly. it's a pretty good song. all their songs are good. except i don't really like the resistance album. and yet... i have their poster for resistance. lammeee i want another one. my speakers hisssss and my remote for it doesn't work. so i'm stuck at volume 9 forever. i like my bass down low b...

Not really in the writing mood but I haven't written a worthwhile post in a bit. Actually, I'll probably get all up in it and end up writing another damn essay. ///FINDING YOURSELF! I don't think anyone is born with a "clean" slate as far as personality goes.......................... yeah really not in the mood to write. Bye bye. I feel like a girl sometimes. Hummmmus One day it will happen, and it will be effortless. Continue to believveee. Determined to never let go of people that make me feel happy. My mind is going out of sync with my body and spirit. I can feel it. School, work, personal, and whatnot. Too much to think about. Too many variables that are outside of my control. Old soul.............

This weekend I let my emotions run rampant and now I'm in a bit of an odd situation. Maybe it'll work out. Maybe it won't. Either way, I'm left in a hole I dug myself. Won't be acting on emotion alone again so soon.

One second I want this, the other I want that. The next I was this but a different that. Then I won't want this at all. I'm content not having this or that. I'll be doing something else and suddenly have a longing for this, that, or sometimes even the other thing. When will I know what it is that I want? Maybe this is a mistake. I may not want this but I still want to somehow reconnect with that and the other thing.

How can you be angry at me for trying to make you stop doing something that's only killing you? I hope you see the pain in me when every time you light one up. Life is short. It's pathetic. Because you have "stress?" Fuck that. I know stress. I can deal with it myself fine. Stop. Fucking. Smoking. Cigarettes.

Just read this while studying for marketing. "For those who work in international business, it is sometimes amazing how different people in other cultures behave. We tend to have a human instinct that 'deep inside' all people are the same - but they are not. Therefore, if we go into another country and make decisions based on how we operate in our own home country - the chances are we'll make some very bad decisions." Bullshit! People do have a human instinct 'deep inside' where we are all the same. We've just been brainwashed to believe so many wrong things. "Deep inside" we are all still kids where we all long to follow out our dreams, spread happiness, and help people. I feel I could perfectly go into another country and behave exactly the way I do because the way I behave is universally understood. I guess you could call it the "universal language" that the Alchemist talks about. One of just going with the flow leaving as little...

///WORK&SCHOOL I thought I would hate work for the end of time and school would be so easy. All I had to do was read and take notes. Well, that changed. I got tests coming up and I'm just stressing over taking the tests, homework, projects, and whatnot. Sucks donkey dick. I would pay someone to take my tests for me. I'm sitting in the library. For the past two hours. Having done, NOTHING. But I don't mind :) Lately, something in me changed about how I went about doing work. If I could describe it like anything, it's like I feel like I'm on Molly a little when I'm working. I'm a different person there. I'm really friendly to people, I understand their needs and wants, I want to help them get what they want, and I love meeting people and seeing how their day was. It's crazy how I know how I'll be in the long term before it ever even comes close. I knew I would love to have regulars and see http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifhow their lives are...

Should I get a Casio EX-FH20 or a Nikon Coolpix P500. I'm leaning towards the Coolpix right now. Mostly because the EX-FH20 is being ridiculous with bidding wars on ebay since it's discontinued now. Warrgghhh. I just wanna be able to shoot some cool slow motion videos. I'm sure these cameras will shoot a lot better than my phone too. But that's a given. The zoom on the P500 is pretty interesting too. -edit NEW CONTENDER! Canon PowerShot SX30IS. -edit want want want want want When the ending conclusion is laughter, does anything else really matter? Heeyyy that rhymes.