Books, Guns,Today, This Life
///BEAUTIFUL DAY!!!
Had a good day today. Actually, fuck that. I had an amazing day. Probably the most noteworthy in a while. To start off the day, I had some kimbap made by Mama Kwon. Sent her a text later saying how I love her. I don't do it nearly enough. Putting Good into the world requires more effort than doing nothing but the rewards are so obvious once you do it. Instantly felt happy knowing that my hard-working mother would be revitalized at work once she saw that message. Gave me a grin. I then went through three hours of boring classes. Received a sixty on a test. But eff that. Afterwards, I went inside the library to see what everyone else was up to. Same old same old, sit around the table chit-chat about small talk. Usually I would stay and amuse them but today! Today! I had books to read. The weather was fucking nice and beautiful. I just plopped down at a courtyard table with a plastic chair, took my bookbag off, pulled out Wallflower, set my music to some chill, groovy, ambiance, indie rock, and started reading. I got lost in reading the book and felt like I was in another world at times. The music really helps since it drowns out all the people that walk by.
If I needed to take a quick break I laid back, closed my eyes, and soaked in the cooling breeze as it flowed over my face. Syncing your breath with the breeze makes you feel like you're a part of the breeze. Nothing matters, the breeze gives you life and you feel it. The energy and invite the cooling wind that goes along its way. Was in the middle of reading when a friend just threw his bookbag on the table. Kinda snapped me out of my blissful state. I would have rather not been bothered but whatever, go with the flow. I was greeted with nothing but smiles and laughter anyway. Stuck around there for a bit. Went into the library to write about my dream. Went to go work out. Exchanged important documents. Then came dinner.
Had dinner with my mom at Bahama Breeze. I detest chains but I knew nothing else around the area that had some decent American-ish food. I should have gotten pasta or steak in hindsight. The meal was okay. The talk was better. Talked about simple things and aspirations. I wish I knew my extended family more. So many connections related to blood I know nothing about... That's one thing I strongly dislike about this lifestyle I'm forced into. Have yet to meet any of my family and make connections in any meaningful way. I want that. So, bad.
After dinner I headed to Fred's house to make some comedy sketches. Had many many many laughs there. Many many many infinites. Very good, honest, simple, people. I feel guilty ditching many of my church friends to hang out with my other friends but what can I do? Can only hope they understand that their lifestyle to me just isn't productive enough in the little spare time I have. I can't always be sitting around watching them just get baked, watch T.V., and eat. I can sit around and do nothing any time. I'll come to events but not to do nothing. Now I sit here, should be sleeping but of course I'm writing. Can't stop writing. Get lost in writing.
///BOOKS
I picked up two books the other day at Barnes and Nobles. On a side note, I need to get myself Amazon Prime. It'll pay for itself in the long run. Anyway I got a book called "A General Theory of Love" and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."
The love book is a psychologists/scientific breakdown of where love originates and how it affects us. So far it's kind of boring, especially in comparison to Wallflower. I've read about ten pages of it so far and right now it's just ranting about how Freud was wrong. Which is getting a bit annoying. The author really hates Freud for some reason... Hopefully it'll pick up with some more interesting things.
Wallflower kinda got off to a slow start on the first few pages but man it picked up fast. I've already been understanding when I was in a moment where nothing else mattered and was just in a state of true blissful contentment. Usually on my car rides to and from work just listening to music. Nothing matters but the wind, my car, and the music. Of course as I get closer to work, the more it becomes bliss and changes to a sort of dread... Anyway, I didn't know, "And in that moment I swear we were infinite" came from this book. Kinda gave me chills when I read it. Gave me a phrase to think of every time I had an infinite moment. I love how I can relate to characters in books I'll usually completely understand the character being mentioned at the time. The character Charlie is one I can really relate to. Being such an observer in a world rather than an active person. I can relate to his relationship to other characters and whatnot but what got me the most was this line. "I think I am the people in the book." (28) I didn't think this would be a really quotable book but it's turning out to be one. I'll go ahead and shoot off a few I highlighted. I read the first fifteen chapters on my phone to preview so I don't have anything from there.
"Because it was the last one I read." (20) - In relation to what his favorite book is
"I'm trying not to." (22) - Having a crush on a girl. He would probably at least rather have the girl to talk to over nothing. I'm at odds with this at times.
"We accept love we think we deserve" (24) - Truth. I feel guilty for unwarranted love and affection.
"He's my whole world."
"Don't you ever say that about anyone again. Not even me." (25) - I'm not sure how I would feel about losing my one day wife. I'm not sure I would be able to live afterwards. Who knows, pray that I'll never be in that situation.
"He's a wallflower."
"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand." (37) - Being that quiet observer behind the scenes you rarely notice. Silently watching. Taking mental notes. People are interesting things. Hahahahaha basically I'm a creep...
"I didn't know that other people thought things about me." (38) - Didn't really think about other people having their own opinions about my beyond my physical appearance. I'm not sure why. I wonder what people think of my personality. Hmmmmmm
"Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing. And in the moment, I swear we were infinite." (39) - I can remember having so many of these moments since the summer. They seem to happen more and more now. I notice, and more importantly appreciate, these moments. In the middle of one of these moments I'll have a clarity of, "I'm creating a worthwhile memory right now." And after I'll be even happier to know that I'm squeezing every minute out of that moment :)
"It's like he would take a photograph of Sam, and the photograph would be beautiful. And he would think that the reason the photograph was beautiful was because of how he took it. If I took it, I would know that the only reason it's beautiful is because of Sam." (48)- Goes to a thought I've been having recently. Some people in pictures just no matter what make it beautiful. I suppose it's because I know that they have a wonderful mind full of thought and wonder going on. Capture the moments where they look like they're deepest in thought. Thinkers are so interesting in that way. You know they've always got something interesting and crazy going on inside their head. You just don't know what it is.
I guess I got carried away again. Oh well, I guess this is pretty much my little annotation spot for what I thought was most interesting.
The guns part is me finally getting to shoot a gun for the first time tomorrow with my co-workers. One of them has a huge backyard and we're gonna shoot an AR-15 and a pistol. Should be fun fun fun. I'll be taking my camera to take some snazzy pictures.
///LIFE
So, I heard a very interesting clip by I think Alan Watts. Very modern philosopher. I won't summarize what he said because I'm too lazy and I'll basically be explaining in my own words anyway. Wait, that's a summary... Whatever. I'm getting very sleepy. Shibal gotta wake up early tomorrow to shoot guns. Blahbyahguhbaha. Basically, we I don't remember anything before this life I probably won't remember anything afterwards. We are living "nothingness." Somehow, out of the mess that is the universe, we were granted consciousness. This is the most AMAZING nothingness is it not? None of this is really real. We are nothing but "things" subjectively viewing the external world. Why should I be afraid to do anything when everything is nothing? I sure don't know because I'm still afraid to act on certain actions all the time. Of course, I use this quote of being "nothing" to my advantage lately. I'll do things that I hesitate to do and just say, "Fuck it," and follow through with the action with no regrets. It works very will in conjunction with my lifestyle of what's done is done. This gives me a base in which to put my actions to motion and "what's done is done" gives me a reason not to give a fuck about any reaction to my action. Making my internal world part of my external world. Hopefully I'll get better at this and better times will roll.
This is becoming quite the masterpiece of a blog post. Seems like I write more and more with each passing entry.
Had a good day today. Actually, fuck that. I had an amazing day. Probably the most noteworthy in a while. To start off the day, I had some kimbap made by Mama Kwon. Sent her a text later saying how I love her. I don't do it nearly enough. Putting Good into the world requires more effort than doing nothing but the rewards are so obvious once you do it. Instantly felt happy knowing that my hard-working mother would be revitalized at work once she saw that message. Gave me a grin. I then went through three hours of boring classes. Received a sixty on a test. But eff that. Afterwards, I went inside the library to see what everyone else was up to. Same old same old, sit around the table chit-chat about small talk. Usually I would stay and amuse them but today! Today! I had books to read. The weather was fucking nice and beautiful. I just plopped down at a courtyard table with a plastic chair, took my bookbag off, pulled out Wallflower, set my music to some chill, groovy, ambiance, indie rock, and started reading. I got lost in reading the book and felt like I was in another world at times. The music really helps since it drowns out all the people that walk by.
If I needed to take a quick break I laid back, closed my eyes, and soaked in the cooling breeze as it flowed over my face. Syncing your breath with the breeze makes you feel like you're a part of the breeze. Nothing matters, the breeze gives you life and you feel it. The energy and invite the cooling wind that goes along its way. Was in the middle of reading when a friend just threw his bookbag on the table. Kinda snapped me out of my blissful state. I would have rather not been bothered but whatever, go with the flow. I was greeted with nothing but smiles and laughter anyway. Stuck around there for a bit. Went into the library to write about my dream. Went to go work out. Exchanged important documents. Then came dinner.
Had dinner with my mom at Bahama Breeze. I detest chains but I knew nothing else around the area that had some decent American-ish food. I should have gotten pasta or steak in hindsight. The meal was okay. The talk was better. Talked about simple things and aspirations. I wish I knew my extended family more. So many connections related to blood I know nothing about... That's one thing I strongly dislike about this lifestyle I'm forced into. Have yet to meet any of my family and make connections in any meaningful way. I want that. So, bad.
After dinner I headed to Fred's house to make some comedy sketches. Had many many many laughs there. Many many many infinites. Very good, honest, simple, people. I feel guilty ditching many of my church friends to hang out with my other friends but what can I do? Can only hope they understand that their lifestyle to me just isn't productive enough in the little spare time I have. I can't always be sitting around watching them just get baked, watch T.V., and eat. I can sit around and do nothing any time. I'll come to events but not to do nothing. Now I sit here, should be sleeping but of course I'm writing. Can't stop writing. Get lost in writing.
///BOOKS
I picked up two books the other day at Barnes and Nobles. On a side note, I need to get myself Amazon Prime. It'll pay for itself in the long run. Anyway I got a book called "A General Theory of Love" and "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."
The love book is a psychologists/scientific breakdown of where love originates and how it affects us. So far it's kind of boring, especially in comparison to Wallflower. I've read about ten pages of it so far and right now it's just ranting about how Freud was wrong. Which is getting a bit annoying. The author really hates Freud for some reason... Hopefully it'll pick up with some more interesting things.
Wallflower kinda got off to a slow start on the first few pages but man it picked up fast. I've already been understanding when I was in a moment where nothing else mattered and was just in a state of true blissful contentment. Usually on my car rides to and from work just listening to music. Nothing matters but the wind, my car, and the music. Of course as I get closer to work, the more it becomes bliss and changes to a sort of dread... Anyway, I didn't know, "And in that moment I swear we were infinite" came from this book. Kinda gave me chills when I read it. Gave me a phrase to think of every time I had an infinite moment. I love how I can relate to characters in books I'll usually completely understand the character being mentioned at the time. The character Charlie is one I can really relate to. Being such an observer in a world rather than an active person. I can relate to his relationship to other characters and whatnot but what got me the most was this line. "I think I am the people in the book." (28) I didn't think this would be a really quotable book but it's turning out to be one. I'll go ahead and shoot off a few I highlighted. I read the first fifteen chapters on my phone to preview so I don't have anything from there.
"Because it was the last one I read." (20) - In relation to what his favorite book is
"I'm trying not to." (22) - Having a crush on a girl. He would probably at least rather have the girl to talk to over nothing. I'm at odds with this at times.
"We accept love we think we deserve" (24) - Truth. I feel guilty for unwarranted love and affection.
"He's my whole world."
"Don't you ever say that about anyone again. Not even me." (25) - I'm not sure how I would feel about losing my one day wife. I'm not sure I would be able to live afterwards. Who knows, pray that I'll never be in that situation.
"He's a wallflower."
"You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand." (37) - Being that quiet observer behind the scenes you rarely notice. Silently watching. Taking mental notes. People are interesting things. Hahahahaha basically I'm a creep...
"I didn't know that other people thought things about me." (38) - Didn't really think about other people having their own opinions about my beyond my physical appearance. I'm not sure why. I wonder what people think of my personality. Hmmmmmm
"Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing. And in the moment, I swear we were infinite." (39) - I can remember having so many of these moments since the summer. They seem to happen more and more now. I notice, and more importantly appreciate, these moments. In the middle of one of these moments I'll have a clarity of, "I'm creating a worthwhile memory right now." And after I'll be even happier to know that I'm squeezing every minute out of that moment :)
"It's like he would take a photograph of Sam, and the photograph would be beautiful. And he would think that the reason the photograph was beautiful was because of how he took it. If I took it, I would know that the only reason it's beautiful is because of Sam." (48)- Goes to a thought I've been having recently. Some people in pictures just no matter what make it beautiful. I suppose it's because I know that they have a wonderful mind full of thought and wonder going on. Capture the moments where they look like they're deepest in thought. Thinkers are so interesting in that way. You know they've always got something interesting and crazy going on inside their head. You just don't know what it is.
I guess I got carried away again. Oh well, I guess this is pretty much my little annotation spot for what I thought was most interesting.
The guns part is me finally getting to shoot a gun for the first time tomorrow with my co-workers. One of them has a huge backyard and we're gonna shoot an AR-15 and a pistol. Should be fun fun fun. I'll be taking my camera to take some snazzy pictures.
///LIFE
So, I heard a very interesting clip by I think Alan Watts. Very modern philosopher. I won't summarize what he said because I'm too lazy and I'll basically be explaining in my own words anyway. Wait, that's a summary... Whatever. I'm getting very sleepy. Shibal gotta wake up early tomorrow to shoot guns. Blahbyahguhbaha. Basically, we I don't remember anything before this life I probably won't remember anything afterwards. We are living "nothingness." Somehow, out of the mess that is the universe, we were granted consciousness. This is the most AMAZING nothingness is it not? None of this is really real. We are nothing but "things" subjectively viewing the external world. Why should I be afraid to do anything when everything is nothing? I sure don't know because I'm still afraid to act on certain actions all the time. Of course, I use this quote of being "nothing" to my advantage lately. I'll do things that I hesitate to do and just say, "Fuck it," and follow through with the action with no regrets. It works very will in conjunction with my lifestyle of what's done is done. This gives me a base in which to put my actions to motion and "what's done is done" gives me a reason not to give a fuck about any reaction to my action. Making my internal world part of my external world. Hopefully I'll get better at this and better times will roll.
This is becoming quite the masterpiece of a blog post. Seems like I write more and more with each passing entry.
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