mac's cheesy thoughts

Bombing Bastards - Terranova off of Rdio of Portishead. i dig it ///QUICK HITS So, after making some mixes and writing a paper, I've come to realize I'm quite the stickler for editing. I love it. I love finding something wrong and correcting the error in order to make it more fluid. The joy of finding something wrong... I dunno it's pretty rewarding for me. Am I OCD or a perfectionist? Meh, it's both similar. This is probably the hundredth time I've said this, but I felt like I was getting closer to being focused and enjoying the rush from reading and learning so much about subjects I would have known nothing about otherwise. (must be concise in words) Reading A Short History of Nearly Everything  is a fascinating book. Every page some new tidbit of information is given out, mainly about the subculture within scientists. Man, there's a lot of drama in that world. A bit expected since a person's whole life's work could be taken by someone with the p...

///LISTENING TO / Small Night Orchestra - Soul Voyage / Olafur Arnalds - Raein ///LOVE (romantic)             I... hard to start. Is it hopelessly romantic of me to hope for that One True Love? I don't know. I don't understand. I'm just waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Can I just follow along my current path and kick looking for a partner off to the side and hope to cross paths? I'm not particularly lonely. Not even a sliver near lonely of what I used to feel. Maybe it's just buried underneath my want to become my idealized Self. Focused and eccentric. Active and loving. Mindful and lucid. I ponder if it would be easier if I had someone to grow with me. Probably would be. Find someone who is at a similar junction in there life. Confused and scared of the future but happy to be alive and spreads love.            Maybe the only pressure I feel to get a girlfriend is from all the social pressure. People don't blatantly direc...

///PSYCHOLOGY GENESIS                    I had a pull a while ago towards changing my major to something else. I was an economics major just 'cuz then I switched over to psychology. Guess I felt it was a good medium from philosophy and my curiosity of the world. What was my main reason for taking psychology? I'm not really sure. Probably had to do with me wanting to learn how to not be so socially awkward. Which worked, but I'm still a bit of a fucking weirdo except now, I'm comfortable being a complete fucking weirdo. Kinda figured myself out and met other people making me comfortable around others. They accept me and I accept them. Win-win. [wow i drank this beer super fast. so much for writing a whole entry sipping on it] I still think, actually I know, I strike people as odd. I have a great face to start off with that probably seems like a normal guy that might just be a little extra nice. THEN. THEN it gets funny. I make my odd sou...

LISTENING TO: Jon Hopkins - Open Air Signal (hehehahahoho I like this little addition. frisson!)               So, let's see. Yesterday on 07/27 I went to a small festival with multiple EDM artists. Was super stoked to see Flume. A bit of a disappointment in my opinion but it was still great to hear him live-ish. Short set. I don't really remember much but I remember the Lorde remix and Holdin' On. Needs to come to the Tabernacle for some really good sound. Everyone went to go roll at the show while I just drank and took coke. Not sure how I really feel about coke. I could have done without it I think. I wasn't all that drunk but that could have also been the coke keeping me straight. Didn't have a hangover in the morning so maybe I wasn't drunk. I felt that grogginess of doing drugs afterwards while just sitting a bit zoned out at Hellen's. It wasn't nearly as bad as a molly comedown but it still sucked. If I was drunk I'd still be having fun at t...

            Went backpacking through Panther Creek trail with Clara, Allen, and Ricky. Was originally supposed to be just me and Clara which I was a bit anxious for. I seem to find doing any sort of activity one-on-one a bit too much. The sense that there is only one other conscious soul within proximity to engage in creates tension for me. Maybe it's the same way for others, maybe it isn't, but it sure is for me. Definitely need to start going backpacking more. I have the gear and I have the will (I think.) Just need to go out and do it. Probably need to learn how to set up camp against bears and get some better rain gear and learn how to rainproof my jackets. Anyway, we ended up going with me driving because I like to drive. On the way there, I wasn't 100% sure of the way and started to get nervous that I had gone the wrong way. Pulled it up on my GPS and I was going the right way after mulling it for a while. I'm terrible with directions. TERRIBLE. ...

06/30/2014         So, today I went into work and just kinda chilled. Woke up and played a few games. It's crazy how video games that mean so little in the long-run can create such an enormously stressful situation. Didn't really win any games but was able to practice my Counter-Strike: GO skills. My AWP-ing skills getting a little better. Hopefully it'll translate into the actual ranked games, but I digress.          Went to go workout with Allen and he was late, again. I'm not entirely sure what to do. I should probably tell him to come on time because it does frustrate/aggravate me when I'm just sitting in the parking lot bullshitting until he gets there. Anyway, we got to working out and had a good time but I felt like I wasn't pushing myself as hard as I could have the entire time. Was able to suggest doing the elliptical with Allen and did only one mile. Wasn't a good day. Noticed that while I had done roughly 120 calories in eight m...

///DEGENERATION                So, it is currently May 7th, 2014 and I'm currently writing this after watching Alan Watts' video on "What if Money Were No Object?" Not sure why my mind went along the path that it did but it's an interesting thought. I've been lead to believe (and still do) that the internet is the greatest invention ever. Our generation (Generation Y) lived in a peculiar state where we didn't have the internet and were suddenly thrust into having information at our fingertips. We had wonders about the world that we were curious about but the level of effort required to satiate that hunger was probably too large. That being said, once the internet became such a every-day tool, Gen Y was able to appreciate just how great the internet is. I have to a certain extent, but not to its greatest potential. (I could learn so much if I just had the focus to do so, but I don't. Sad face.) I believe that the internet brings the world together...

              Haven't wrote in this thing forever. Feels strange as I sit here mindful of my fingers gliding across the keyboard striking down on each letter one by one to form words into sentences and eventually paragraphs. I feel lost, and now Frank Ocean pops in my head. Lost in the thrill of it all~. I'm pretty happy lately but I feel the familiar frustration/sadness of still not being the person I strive to become. This whole self-actualization thing by Maslow and Carl Rogers is some serious shit. I'm not even sure what I want to become anymore but I do know what baby steps I want to take. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to quench my penchant of self-growth. I always find some new hobby or new social skill I want to master.               I have since taken up rock climbing and photography a bit more seriously. I found working out a real chore lately. Sure I was exercising but to meet what goal? I'd much rather ha...