Spill my thoughts
Haven't wrote in this thing forever. Feels strange as I sit here mindful of my fingers gliding across the keyboard striking down on each letter one by one to form words into sentences and eventually paragraphs. I feel lost, and now Frank Ocean pops in my head. Lost in the thrill of it all~. I'm pretty happy lately but I feel the familiar frustration/sadness of still not being the person I strive to become. This whole self-actualization thing by Maslow and Carl Rogers is some serious shit. I'm not even sure what I want to become anymore but I do know what baby steps I want to take. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to quench my penchant of self-growth. I always find some new hobby or new social skill I want to master.
I have since taken up rock climbing and photography a bit more seriously. I found working out a real chore lately. Sure I was exercising but to meet what goal? I'd much rather have practical use of my body than just having a good looking body. This really struck me on backpacking trips when I'd see other people hiking effortlessly on a trail. Wasn't I supposed to be in good shape? Aren't younger people supposed to have more energy? Why can't I keep up? Frustrating to say the least but I took it upon myself to see it as challenge. (Fuck, I'm getting off-topic.) So, when I went rock climbing on the TTE Arkansas trip, I knew it interested me. Feeling so beat on what was supposed to be a super easy route just got me excited. I saw it as a new way to test my body and it's proving to be just that. The mental strain is just as, if not more so, engaging as the physical strain, which was wholly unexpected. Even though I know I'd be completely safe if I missed that next hold, it's hard to mentally prepare myself to just go for it. It seems to require a great amount of synchronization between mind and body in order to keep going. Bouldering is ridiculously fun as much as anything else I've ever run across.
I can't wait to go back to Stone Summit to try to tackle a route with a fresh body. Sitting there looking at the holds, figuring out the best route, which way to contort your body, which foothold to use, and which junction would require a good reach. Rock climbing people seem to be very friendly as well. Giving encouraging words but I do get the feeling that there is some elitism between expertise levels. Maybe I'm just perceiving it because I was told there is somewhat of an elitist culture ingrained in rock climbing. People are watching/judging others are they climb/boulder. I know this because I see myself doing it to some extent. "Oh, what V are they bouldering?", "No way they can do that.", "Fail." Makes me self-conscious of what I'm doing, but then I remember fuck the judgers.
Photography photography. Haven't had my camera in over....... I need to go to sleep. BOULDERING TOMORROW MOTHERFUCKKAAAA. Then work. I don't mind work. Honestly.
I have since taken up rock climbing and photography a bit more seriously. I found working out a real chore lately. Sure I was exercising but to meet what goal? I'd much rather have practical use of my body than just having a good looking body. This really struck me on backpacking trips when I'd see other people hiking effortlessly on a trail. Wasn't I supposed to be in good shape? Aren't younger people supposed to have more energy? Why can't I keep up? Frustrating to say the least but I took it upon myself to see it as challenge. (Fuck, I'm getting off-topic.) So, when I went rock climbing on the TTE Arkansas trip, I knew it interested me. Feeling so beat on what was supposed to be a super easy route just got me excited. I saw it as a new way to test my body and it's proving to be just that. The mental strain is just as, if not more so, engaging as the physical strain, which was wholly unexpected. Even though I know I'd be completely safe if I missed that next hold, it's hard to mentally prepare myself to just go for it. It seems to require a great amount of synchronization between mind and body in order to keep going. Bouldering is ridiculously fun as much as anything else I've ever run across.
I can't wait to go back to Stone Summit to try to tackle a route with a fresh body. Sitting there looking at the holds, figuring out the best route, which way to contort your body, which foothold to use, and which junction would require a good reach. Rock climbing people seem to be very friendly as well. Giving encouraging words but I do get the feeling that there is some elitism between expertise levels. Maybe I'm just perceiving it because I was told there is somewhat of an elitist culture ingrained in rock climbing. People are watching/judging others are they climb/boulder. I know this because I see myself doing it to some extent. "Oh, what V are they bouldering?", "No way they can do that.", "Fail." Makes me self-conscious of what I'm doing, but then I remember fuck the judgers.
Photography photography. Haven't had my camera in over....... I need to go to sleep. BOULDERING TOMORROW MOTHERFUCKKAAAA. Then work. I don't mind work. Honestly.
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