mac's cheesy thoughts

///FEELS-IDEALS             What is it that I can feel/empath so much but be unable to feel love  (at least the way I should?) towards my own blood and family. I mean don't get me wrong it's there, but I should feel so much more than I do, shouldn't I? How am I able to sit idly and be annoyed  when my own sister and mother are either threatened to death or brought within seconds of death, respectively. I don't know what to think of it. I would most likely diagnose myself as having a higher level of Asperger's/autism than the average person (but still nowhere near a clinically diagnosed level if that makes sense.) Sometimes I just feel like I go through actions that I feel like is the right thing to do rather than the thing I want to do.                   I'm not sure if I actually care for people as much as I care what they think about me .  It's an interesting perspective/paradigm I think abou...

///URBEX [SPARTA] THOUGHTS       Got off my lazy ass and actually did something adventure-worthy  today. I was incredibly  tempted to just lay in bed and cancel the plans while comforting myself that, "I'll be productive in other ways," today. Bullshit  and I know it. I need to realize that more.  [Goh-lee writing in this right now feels nice to get some thoughts out in electrical-physical form.] Got out and took some of my meds/supplements which include my Lamotrigine and 5-HTP to give myself a boost. [Too cranky without it I am beginning to realize unfortunately... C'est la vie.] Had some coffee as well for another boosty boost boost, but jeez I peed so much because of it. Woorrthhh it!                  Met up Chris Stallings and Max Ruth to go explore some buildings in Sparta. Both of them are pretty chill and much more knowledgeable about locations than I am which I just piggyback off of. Which is wh...