Some quick hits

///FEELS-IDEALS
            What is it that I can feel/empath so much but be unable to feel love (at least the way I should?) towards my own blood and family. I mean don't get me wrong it's there, but I should feel so much more than I do, shouldn't I? How am I able to sit idly and be annoyed when my own sister and mother are either threatened to death or brought within seconds of death, respectively. I don't know what to think of it. I would most likely diagnose myself as having a higher level of Asperger's/autism than the average person (but still nowhere near a clinically diagnosed level if that makes sense.) Sometimes I just feel like I go through actions that I feel like is the right thing to do rather than the thing I want to do. 
               I'm not sure if I actually care for people as much as I care what they think about me. It's an interesting perspective/paradigm I think about every now and then. Is who I am a product of my internal ideas/thoughts being projected to the external world or is it the whole external environment and those who inhabit it that affect my actions? [Man these little, I'll coin a term now, mind flickers really fuck with my train of thought. It was getting worse but I attribute that to doing a fair hefty amount of molly a couple weeks ago. Slowly getting better.] 

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