mac's cheesy thoughts

tonight i go to flux pavilion. i'm kinda nervous about taking molly for the first time in quite a while. i almost just kinda wanna get drunk and have fun. less talking to be done, less hangover, but it is less talking. i'm not really sure what i want. maybe i'll just drink... fuck i dunno i guess i'll have to see once i get there. i got my earplugs ready to go so i won't blast my ears to deaf. kinda dreading seeing all the people there... 4000 is crazy. so many are gonna be fucked up outta this world. i just hope to meet some interesting people. it'll be tough to tell who's bein real and who's just on mollys. hrrrmmmmmmmmm fuh starting to think that i'll only be best off if i go see the world alone. i hate feeling tied down or being held back. it's a pretty selfish perspective in a sense but i think it's the only way i'll really be able to become who i want to be. makes sense. am i starting to actually understand what being alone is an...

it's amazing the feeling of not wanting to be recognized for the things i do. i feel so freeeeeeeee and weird. what da hell

awesome movie. love the dialog and the pacing was abso-fucking-lutely on point. even the 'slow' parts of the movie had me wanting more. actors were great. the kid was a big surprise. loved the part of how Joe kinda saw into the future and saw how a circle repeats itself. it was up to him to stop that cycle. i love things that more clearly define and give me insight into a feeling i have and this was one of them. i been lately understanding that it's up to me to stop the cycles of anger and frustration especially since i know it's for the best and with my new thinking to take things in as if i've lived twice i got a bit of a trifecta going on. see deeply how a certain action will take different paths, see if i would regret acting or not acting, and choose to take the high road. incredibly difficult. i have to think that Ego and Self (although i don't know the real definition of either i'm just going on how i perceive it) are interesting, obviously. my thi...

working out releases endorphins which gives me a little bit of an elevated mood. and happy people come up with good ideas because they are confident that their actions will follow through. so put and them together and my brain comes up with some interesting thoughts. some people will never see any piece of modern technology in their whole lives. others will never see a wild animal in their whole lives. i'd say the latter is sadder. i can't tell whether my moodiness is from being normal after being off depakote (a mood stabilizer) or from this new keppra which apparently can cause moodiness. maybe it's a combination. i'm not sure. some new things i'm gonna try to do:                  compliment people                  write in my dream journal more             ...

So much to write about. So little care to write about. I'll just write about some things I've been feeling lately. No real specific order. Sometimes I feel like I got the world figured out and myself figured out but things happens and I realize I don't know shit. I'm ready for nothing and feel an unorganized chaos in me but at least the possibilities seem endless. I feel like I'm only beginning to scratch the surface of my potential. Serving people at a restaurant was humbling enough but... Lately, I've been volunteering and delivering meals to people and it's incredibly humbling. I don't feel good knowing that I've volunteered, I feel good because I volunteered and I loved it. Sometimes it feels like another job having to drive house to house but the people that I really connect with who appreciate what I do is reward enough. Meeting every new soul who knows how to appreciate happiness and kindness when it's smack in their face is just a hug...