mac's cheesy thoughts

really hope nice guys at at least finish

///DREAM In today's dream I was with Janos, Jimin, BJ, and Molli. We were all about to go to some concert and before we went in we gathered together in a room with a bunch of bookshelves lined with comic books. At the table I took out some Molly for us to split before the concert. We mixed it up together with some mustard powder because some other people were doing that too to hide it better. I walked around and looked for a food vendor and got a hot dog and a pretzel. It was the best pretzel ever when I bit into it. It was so warm, soft, tasty, and had just the right amount of butter and salt on it. Mmmm I'm getting hungry. When Janos was almost done the cops came in and busted the other table so we quickly hid the stuff and good thing we used mustard powder to hide it. The cops questioned us and said something about testing the ketchup in the bowl next to us but that was about it. So, I wonder if my dreams are telling me not to be around drugs right now because bad things a...

///DREAM Really late posting this. Whatever, at least I remember something still. Friend was in relationship with someone. Friend was not happy about this. The end. Funny how I get this exact vibe from said friend. hohoho I don't know. hohoho I don't care. hohoho I lied yes I do. Aw shit. Thursday is tomorrow... meaning four days of hell at Kiku. This will be madness. ON THE PLUS SIDE I GET PAID IN A WEEK YEEAAAHHH I need to learn to just not care sometimes. I'm not a bad spot these days. Feel too vulnerable to certain emotions. Bahaha die. I think die is my favorite word right now. It's not a very good one... but it reminds me of Lee Hyun Jae academy.

I love how I say, "I love you" to my mom at the end of all our phone calls and mean it every single time. Ain't no shame in lovin' my mama. -edit FFFUUUCCCKKK I really hate how stupid ass laws keep me from traveling. I'm bound so hard by some stupid ass shit dead people wrote into a little book. Eff you people. Don't be jelly cuz we can live happier lives than you ever could. Fuckers. fjlsghsrosdfjsldfij

///DREAM I was in something like a video game again and once again I was both the person playing the game and the character inside the game as well. I was parachuted over a map and landed down in a building ruins. I looked around for a gun and got a Kar98k and went around to explore. Eventually I ran into some enemies and opened fire on them. I looked down the iron-sights and shot them in the head. Now, apparently these were robot soldiers or something b/c when they got shot it had a metallic *ping* sound. I got hit a few times but just like in video games my health regenerated after my screen turned red for a second. Next, after running around some more I came into close combat with some more enemies. This is where the perspective changed to me playing the game instead of me actually being inside. I was trying to figure out the button for a melee attack and started pressing every button. Turned out it was 'C' and I got 'em all. One down, another, and another so on and so f...

Past two weeks have been a trip. Went through one of those phases again. Hopefully it's behind me now. Now I can just focus on school, work, getting back to exercising, and fun. I still have much to learn on longboarding. I need to read CH. 4 of my marketing book.

So, I'm studying right now and there's an example of game theory in here. Here's how it goes: "A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around.  If he stopped, she stopped.  Furthermore she kept staring at him.  She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay."  "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."  She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom.” The little old lady waved and smiled back at him..  Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.  And all is well. That's how I've been looking at life lately. Until the next ...

I wonder if I even need to put a title in. We shall see. Another way I'm living my life is how relatively we make no impact on anything at all. Even the impact I make on Earth is negligible. I'm not here thinking I can change the world. I help when I can, if I can. I think I could live alone and be totally fine. I feel so content when I'm just chillin by myself. Doing nothing. Letting my mind wander. I feel like I need to do something productive because it's what people do, but I never want to. I just sit, and sit, and sit. However, I can get into a bit of a depressed fit if I think on things that are sad... It's weird how I know I could be so happy if I just left everything behind me to just roam and make a living doing odd-jobs here and there. Weird to think about. How it's such an easy reality to achieve and yet it seems so difficult and distant. Test on Monday. I know nothing. Story of my college career.

I might make this really short. Maybe I'll end up getting really into it and pass on my precious hours of sleep before another 13+ hours at work. Who knows. I know I don't. ///END GAME So, I've had a pretty obvious epiphany about spirituality. Everyone goes into religion for spirituality right? We don't go into it because we think it's fun to be bound by words and books. No, every person who ends up sticking with their religion does so in order to find spirituality because that's what we all look for. It's our end game. It's what makes life easy, gives us purpose, and happiness. Which is why I can see what someone means when they say that, "everyone worships the same God." In the end, the message is the same, and that is to just live and let live, help others, and put out good into the world. If someone who just seems so angry, annoying, or crazy, don't get reciprocate their emotions back at them, just hope that they can be happier and move...

my writing self is very quirky and odd. hello this is mac the writer. herrow herrow. blah blah blah. i like cookies and like to read while i poop. i actually don't like cookies. i wonder what other parts of myself i can just harness. i think my writing self and real self are the same? barriers of communication. what am i doing. i have homework. eff homework. BONOBO TOMORROW!! chegg egg meg beg leg peg. i think my writing self is starting to just become my thoughts as i think them in my head. well i'll just type whatever i think. hello hello thinkingthinking. thinking about something to think. thinking about thinking. this is going on endlessly. muse has a song called endlessly. it's a pretty good song. all their songs are good. except i don't really like the resistance album. and yet... i have their poster for resistance. lammeee i want another one. my speakers hisssss and my remote for it doesn't work. so i'm stuck at volume 9 forever. i like my bass down low b...

Not really in the writing mood but I haven't written a worthwhile post in a bit. Actually, I'll probably get all up in it and end up writing another damn essay. ///FINDING YOURSELF! I don't think anyone is born with a "clean" slate as far as personality goes.......................... yeah really not in the mood to write. Bye bye. I feel like a girl sometimes. Hummmmus One day it will happen, and it will be effortless. Continue to believveee. Determined to never let go of people that make me feel happy. My mind is going out of sync with my body and spirit. I can feel it. School, work, personal, and whatnot. Too much to think about. Too many variables that are outside of my control. Old soul.............

This weekend I let my emotions run rampant and now I'm in a bit of an odd situation. Maybe it'll work out. Maybe it won't. Either way, I'm left in a hole I dug myself. Won't be acting on emotion alone again so soon.

One second I want this, the other I want that. The next I was this but a different that. Then I won't want this at all. I'm content not having this or that. I'll be doing something else and suddenly have a longing for this, that, or sometimes even the other thing. When will I know what it is that I want? Maybe this is a mistake. I may not want this but I still want to somehow reconnect with that and the other thing.

How can you be angry at me for trying to make you stop doing something that's only killing you? I hope you see the pain in me when every time you light one up. Life is short. It's pathetic. Because you have "stress?" Fuck that. I know stress. I can deal with it myself fine. Stop. Fucking. Smoking. Cigarettes.

Just read this while studying for marketing. "For those who work in international business, it is sometimes amazing how different people in other cultures behave. We tend to have a human instinct that 'deep inside' all people are the same - but they are not. Therefore, if we go into another country and make decisions based on how we operate in our own home country - the chances are we'll make some very bad decisions." Bullshit! People do have a human instinct 'deep inside' where we are all the same. We've just been brainwashed to believe so many wrong things. "Deep inside" we are all still kids where we all long to follow out our dreams, spread happiness, and help people. I feel I could perfectly go into another country and behave exactly the way I do because the way I behave is universally understood. I guess you could call it the "universal language" that the Alchemist talks about. One of just going with the flow leaving as little...

///WORK&SCHOOL I thought I would hate work for the end of time and school would be so easy. All I had to do was read and take notes. Well, that changed. I got tests coming up and I'm just stressing over taking the tests, homework, projects, and whatnot. Sucks donkey dick. I would pay someone to take my tests for me. I'm sitting in the library. For the past two hours. Having done, NOTHING. But I don't mind :) Lately, something in me changed about how I went about doing work. If I could describe it like anything, it's like I feel like I'm on Molly a little when I'm working. I'm a different person there. I'm really friendly to people, I understand their needs and wants, I want to help them get what they want, and I love meeting people and seeing how their day was. It's crazy how I know how I'll be in the long term before it ever even comes close. I knew I would love to have regulars and see http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifhow their lives are...

Should I get a Casio EX-FH20 or a Nikon Coolpix P500. I'm leaning towards the Coolpix right now. Mostly because the EX-FH20 is being ridiculous with bidding wars on ebay since it's discontinued now. Warrgghhh. I just wanna be able to shoot some cool slow motion videos. I'm sure these cameras will shoot a lot better than my phone too. But that's a given. The zoom on the P500 is pretty interesting too. -edit NEW CONTENDER! Canon PowerShot SX30IS. -edit want want want want want When the ending conclusion is laughter, does anything else really matter? Heeyyy that rhymes.

So, I went to Seattle the other day. I want to do a full run-down of how it was but that might take a while. Told my mom I went to sight see and I expected to be lectured on not spending money on things. But of course, good times continue, and she was overly ecstatic that I had a desire to travel and see places. I could tell that she had had the same desire as me before. People don't get excited the way she did for other people like that. So now, I have my mom's blessing to go ahead and save up to just travel. Which is noooo problem considering the amount of bank I'm making muahahaha. Work suddenly got better. Now all I need is a camera... my phone won't cut it. ///DREAM It's hard to remember much but I do remember waking up from a dream in my dream at one point. I almost had a lucid dream in my dream within a dream but I lost it at the last second and woke up to sleep paralysis. For some reason, I was hoping that no cockroaches would come. Sure enough, what I thoug...

///HATRED It's interesting to see how hate towards a group can form a bond within that group that no one can break. The greater the hate, the stronger the bond. Andrew Niccol is a great writer. His storylines always have some deeper meaning behind it. Interesting movies that make you think. Tarsem Singh is a great director. His movies have some crazy art direction. Same with Zach Snyder. I don't feel the same way about authors though. Every book by every author seems to be too similar after you read one of their books. Similar themes and styles. Makes for a boring read. I found this out after reading about seven Redwall books. Here's the general guideline to Redwall. 1) Kids travel, play and have fun. 2) Festival occurs with otters, scones, and tea. 3) Danger is looming. 4) A group ventures out. 5) Main danger moves out and engages the main town of the book. 6) Group is fighting their way back to help. 7) Gigantic friendly army shows up and defeats enemies. 8) Festival occu...

///LESSON The greatest thing about hardship is that you come out of it a much stronger person than you were before. The greater the hardship, the greater the growth. I suppose you could always look at the growth as the light at the end of the tunnel in times of despair. One of the greatest things that happened to me was having a life of luxury and then being thrown down into economic hardship. I could see myself becoming a spoiled little punk had this not happened. Having everything just given to me instead of earned. There's a different feeling when you buy something with your own money you earned. Makes you appreciate the things you buy and makes you cut through the bullshit of what you don't need. The best lesson I got out of it is that I realized that money won't buy me happiness. Only finding my own true happiness will. Money is just a tool that should aid you and should not be viewed as a means to an end. I'll teach my kids to be humble and not flaunt their...

///WORK Every weekend grind at work is a struggle. I really need to go buy some new shoes. These are REALLY uncomfortable. Can't believe I sit there and work for thirteen hours. At least I get paid on Monday. Can't wait for that. I think I'm drinking close to four cups of coffee on weekends to just power through the day. It definitely helps when I'm feeling tired. Which is every second I'm not on caffeine. Time to wake up in eight hours to do this again. Yipee. Random thought but I think Indonesian people are some of the most chill and real people I've ever met.

///DREAM I was at Kiku and I remember that Yanti and Lorina were working that day. The layout of the restaurant was different in that the hibachi and sushi side were more separated. Sushi side started to get super busy and I had done my trick on a Kiku festival. I was stopped while doing it and awkwardness ensued. I briefly woke up here to my relief and realized it was a dream. The second part of my dream had me in a location where there were huts. Huts and teepees near a beach. I was with Daniel Lim and we walked inside a building to go watch a movie. Esther Kim and her boyfriend were there and we all took a seat to watch the movie. We laughed and giggled throughout the movie, said our farewells to each other, and departed. I walked back to my hut and decided I wanted to read, listen to music, and chill on the beach. I grabbed my sandals and started walking towards to beach and stopped by while talking to some people.

///BRAVE NEW WORLD So, I'm up to about page seventy in BNW so far. It's a decent book so far. Huxley's style of writing took a bit of getting used to but I'm starting to understand how he moves his story along. I would almost liken it to my style of just sporadic thoughts except his has a flowing story to go along with it. I would do annotations on the physical book but I wouldn't want to put any markings in it. I like physical books the way they are. The smell of old books is nice. Anyway, on to some things I thought about. The beginning was just super confusing. Just thrown into the world of BNW with not very much background information on where the setting is. Most of the beginning was just about how humanity was started to become factory made and conditioned to like certain things based on their caste. It's a bit interesting. We could almost liken it to our society today but we aren't nearly that brainwashed. We do get spoonfed bullshit a lot easie...