End Game and God
I might make this really short. Maybe I'll end up getting really into it and pass on my precious hours of sleep before another 13+ hours at work. Who knows. I know I don't.
///END GAME
So, I've had a pretty obvious epiphany about spirituality. Everyone goes into religion for spirituality right? We don't go into it because we think it's fun to be bound by words and books. No, every person who ends up sticking with their religion does so in order to find spirituality because that's what we all look for. It's our end game. It's what makes life easy, gives us purpose, and happiness. Which is why I can see what someone means when they say that, "everyone worships the same God." In the end, the message is the same, and that is to just live and let live, help others, and put out good into the world. If someone who just seems so angry, annoying, or crazy, don't get reciprocate their emotions back at them, just hope that they can be happier and move on.
I feel a lot more conscious of my actions and feelings after becoming more spiritual. Like, I know I'm not my straying from my "spiritual" side if I do bad things. Which is also a feeling to me. I feel like I can channel my anger now too. If I start to get angry I let myself know that I am angry and just use the energy I have from it to do things faster. I may not be in the mood to talk but I get shit done. Spiritual sounds so hocus pocus haha. Eh, I guess it's more of a philosophical lifestyle like Buddhism more than anything. Just has a bit of a stigma to it that people might call you crazy for. I'm not sure whether I believe in spirits though. I think I believe in omens (both good and bad) and karma. Karma is a good thing to believe in. I feel like I get rewarded anytime I do something that puts good into the world. I feel freaking guilty and beat-down if I know I did something bad. It will bug the shit out of me for a while. I try to avoid things like that as most as I can because I know it isn't who I am.
I'm not sure how I still feel about death. I mean, I don't remember anything before I was alive, it's just eternal... nothingness. Very scary to even try to comprehend. Hate the thought of death. I'm more at peace with it than I was before but man, it's a trip to think about.
///GOD
If there is a sentient God, I think it would be more female than male. Why? Because females give birth to everything. It was weird how I came up with this the other day and then my co-worker and me talked for a bit and he randomly brought up how God was a female too. Men will always love their mothers more than anyone and I think that's a pretty universal thing. "Behind every great man there is an even greater woman." I could see that. I don't think intelligent and wise men would marry a dumbo blondo. She would have to be just as smart and wise if not more so. I was gonna go somewhere with this but I lost my train of thought after picking off some sock lint on my foot.
Man, my friends kinda let me down the other day. We were at Athens for the *Bonobo concert and were on our way back. Everyone was a little tipsy on one thing or another and I was the most sober. I was driving our little party-van to a gas station to pick up some stuff and as Eddy was walking inside, a black male, maybe in this mid-40's stopped to talk to him. I couldn't hear anything but I knew he was asking for money. Eddy just walked away into the gas station giving nothing. Now, even before this summer where I learned how good it felt to help people, I still would have at least given the dude a dollar. I'm not proud to say just a dollar but my friend didn't even think it was worth it to give that up. Sadface.
Anyway, the black guy then turned and I was already trying to make eye contact with him and he looked at me. I have a pretty good sense of when a person is just asking for money to get alcohol or whatever. This guy did not look like the type. He seemed a bit weary, tired, but not super tired, and desperate. Here he was at 1:30 A.M. at an Athens gas station asking people for money. He gave me a story of how he had to get gas to go about twenty miles. I didn't even hesitate to help the guy and gave him all the "small bills" I had. I'm not gonna give the guy $20 haha. I had about $7 with a $5 and two $1's. He walked away for a second, turned back, and looked me dead in the eye and said, "Thank you, you're a good guy." He tried to give me a shirt he had bought at TJ Maxx but I didn't take it. I didn't want it lol. He walked away to his car and I could hear his car just grinding and struggling to get to the pump on the last bits of gas it had left in the tank.
My friends meanwhile, laughed and asked if I actually gave that "hobo" money. And how he made me shake his "dirty" hand. I wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up and hit them in their eye. So they get a big old black eye. But, I put up with them, didn't say a word and waited for the other to get back in. Eddy asked about the guy and I told him I gave him money. I had a friend with me who is the same personality type as I am and I thought she saw the whole thing but she didn't. She would understand why I did what I did. Hopefully anyway, she's on her way to finding out how good it feels to help people. I should give her a nudge here and there to help her. Well, after that I pulled out of the gas station and waved at the guy and he waved back. Of course, my idiot friends laugh and say, "look he's waving at us." ................................................ wtf.
This is why I sometimes feel like I need a new group of friends. Just overly good hearted people who know how to have fun too. Maybe that's why I'm starting to lean towards hanging out with my co-workers now. They understand the struggle of life and don't take much for granted. We know what we work for. Family and we use the money left over to make memories with friends. Not bullshit items that have very little use besides flashing it off as a symbol of wealth. They go DO things that create memories that they can touch on and enjoy any time they choose to remember it. Physical items fade in joy as time and the ever fickle fashion changes. Memories in your head will never change and will be there for as long as you remember. I love all my co-workers. Except for one... she's had a bad history and just came out such a nasty person. At times I can see the potential for happiness in her but it's just a glimmer. I can only hope that she learns through experience to just do good.
I love of feeling of knowing that I helped a person when they just felt so hopeless. I feel like I was their guardian angel who came to help them in a time of greatest need haha. Here comes a twenty-one year old Asian male out of nowhere. I mean, I know I've had some completely hopeless moments. I can't imagine the sense of relief of having a complete stranger just go above and beyond to help me. I hope everyone I've helped remembers me. Hopefully, I've shown them that good people do exist in the world and it makes them better people too. It's like that Allstate(?) commercial where one person who helps another sees another person in need and helps them blah blah blah. I also like to leave very cheesy lines after I help someone haha. Things like: "People need to help people, right?" "It's okay, the next time you see someone who needs help, just help them."
I can do no wrong so long as I truly believe what I do is good.
I've been offered a gold watch by a man on Camp Creek parkway for helping him get gas to reach his niece.
An Indian businessman offered me lunch for stopping on an entry ramp to jump start his car.
A black man has offered me a shirt for giving him gas money.
I'm starting to realize that the more money I have, the more philanthropic I become. It's nice to know. Gives me a reason to work harder.
Why am I such a curious person?
Bonobo concert was okay. He played like three of his actual songs and everything else was a rave for some reason. People looked drunk, fucked up on rolls, or something else. I was not expecting this at all. I didn't know he played ravey music at all. All his albums at chill, downtempo music. Bit of a letdown but was still very nice to see one of my most favorite artists perform.
Saw a friend I hadn't seen in a month at the concert. He... got a lot skinnier. I'm not sure what to think of him anymore. Before he was a druggy, looked physically healthy, but had some bad world views. Now, he still is a druggy, looks physically not healthy, but has a great world view. I don't understand why people don't realize a living a good healthy does not entail drug abuse. It leaves your body just drained. I don't know what to do... he confuses me. I don't think I could talk any sense into him because he thinks his way is right. I see his path and although he may be happy for a while, I think he's going to lose his family down the road. One day he'll realize how much he's missed with his family and it won't be so sunshine and lollipops. He stopped eating meat too. I WOULD NEVER! I understand animals die but they so tasty. yumyum
I have this very weird sense of knowing who "I" am in any mental condition. Like, under any crazy mental condition or wave of emotion I feel like I'm anchored to my real self and I can bring myself back there anytime I want to. It's interesting and a nice thing to have.
I need to start working out again... at least three times a week. I'm getting lazy but I'm always so tired. What to do what to do.
Got my camera. Can't wait to take some crazy pictures once I go somewhere or do something. I get excited just thinking about it.
I have to wake up in less than seven hours. I guess this is a long post... SLEEPY
///END GAME
So, I've had a pretty obvious epiphany about spirituality. Everyone goes into religion for spirituality right? We don't go into it because we think it's fun to be bound by words and books. No, every person who ends up sticking with their religion does so in order to find spirituality because that's what we all look for. It's our end game. It's what makes life easy, gives us purpose, and happiness. Which is why I can see what someone means when they say that, "everyone worships the same God." In the end, the message is the same, and that is to just live and let live, help others, and put out good into the world. If someone who just seems so angry, annoying, or crazy, don't get reciprocate their emotions back at them, just hope that they can be happier and move on.
I feel a lot more conscious of my actions and feelings after becoming more spiritual. Like, I know I'm not my straying from my "spiritual" side if I do bad things. Which is also a feeling to me. I feel like I can channel my anger now too. If I start to get angry I let myself know that I am angry and just use the energy I have from it to do things faster. I may not be in the mood to talk but I get shit done. Spiritual sounds so hocus pocus haha. Eh, I guess it's more of a philosophical lifestyle like Buddhism more than anything. Just has a bit of a stigma to it that people might call you crazy for. I'm not sure whether I believe in spirits though. I think I believe in omens (both good and bad) and karma. Karma is a good thing to believe in. I feel like I get rewarded anytime I do something that puts good into the world. I feel freaking guilty and beat-down if I know I did something bad. It will bug the shit out of me for a while. I try to avoid things like that as most as I can because I know it isn't who I am.
I'm not sure how I still feel about death. I mean, I don't remember anything before I was alive, it's just eternal... nothingness. Very scary to even try to comprehend. Hate the thought of death. I'm more at peace with it than I was before but man, it's a trip to think about.
///GOD
If there is a sentient God, I think it would be more female than male. Why? Because females give birth to everything. It was weird how I came up with this the other day and then my co-worker and me talked for a bit and he randomly brought up how God was a female too. Men will always love their mothers more than anyone and I think that's a pretty universal thing. "Behind every great man there is an even greater woman." I could see that. I don't think intelligent and wise men would marry a dumbo blondo. She would have to be just as smart and wise if not more so. I was gonna go somewhere with this but I lost my train of thought after picking off some sock lint on my foot.
Man, my friends kinda let me down the other day. We were at Athens for the *Bonobo concert and were on our way back. Everyone was a little tipsy on one thing or another and I was the most sober. I was driving our little party-van to a gas station to pick up some stuff and as Eddy was walking inside, a black male, maybe in this mid-40's stopped to talk to him. I couldn't hear anything but I knew he was asking for money. Eddy just walked away into the gas station giving nothing. Now, even before this summer where I learned how good it felt to help people, I still would have at least given the dude a dollar. I'm not proud to say just a dollar but my friend didn't even think it was worth it to give that up. Sadface.
Anyway, the black guy then turned and I was already trying to make eye contact with him and he looked at me. I have a pretty good sense of when a person is just asking for money to get alcohol or whatever. This guy did not look like the type. He seemed a bit weary, tired, but not super tired, and desperate. Here he was at 1:30 A.M. at an Athens gas station asking people for money. He gave me a story of how he had to get gas to go about twenty miles. I didn't even hesitate to help the guy and gave him all the "small bills" I had. I'm not gonna give the guy $20 haha. I had about $7 with a $5 and two $1's. He walked away for a second, turned back, and looked me dead in the eye and said, "Thank you, you're a good guy." He tried to give me a shirt he had bought at TJ Maxx but I didn't take it. I didn't want it lol. He walked away to his car and I could hear his car just grinding and struggling to get to the pump on the last bits of gas it had left in the tank.
My friends meanwhile, laughed and asked if I actually gave that "hobo" money. And how he made me shake his "dirty" hand. I wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up and hit them in their eye. So they get a big old black eye. But, I put up with them, didn't say a word and waited for the other to get back in. Eddy asked about the guy and I told him I gave him money. I had a friend with me who is the same personality type as I am and I thought she saw the whole thing but she didn't. She would understand why I did what I did. Hopefully anyway, she's on her way to finding out how good it feels to help people. I should give her a nudge here and there to help her. Well, after that I pulled out of the gas station and waved at the guy and he waved back. Of course, my idiot friends laugh and say, "look he's waving at us." ................................................ wtf.
This is why I sometimes feel like I need a new group of friends. Just overly good hearted people who know how to have fun too. Maybe that's why I'm starting to lean towards hanging out with my co-workers now. They understand the struggle of life and don't take much for granted. We know what we work for. Family and we use the money left over to make memories with friends. Not bullshit items that have very little use besides flashing it off as a symbol of wealth. They go DO things that create memories that they can touch on and enjoy any time they choose to remember it. Physical items fade in joy as time and the ever fickle fashion changes. Memories in your head will never change and will be there for as long as you remember. I love all my co-workers. Except for one... she's had a bad history and just came out such a nasty person. At times I can see the potential for happiness in her but it's just a glimmer. I can only hope that she learns through experience to just do good.
I love of feeling of knowing that I helped a person when they just felt so hopeless. I feel like I was their guardian angel who came to help them in a time of greatest need haha. Here comes a twenty-one year old Asian male out of nowhere. I mean, I know I've had some completely hopeless moments. I can't imagine the sense of relief of having a complete stranger just go above and beyond to help me. I hope everyone I've helped remembers me. Hopefully, I've shown them that good people do exist in the world and it makes them better people too. It's like that Allstate(?) commercial where one person who helps another sees another person in need and helps them blah blah blah. I also like to leave very cheesy lines after I help someone haha. Things like: "People need to help people, right?" "It's okay, the next time you see someone who needs help, just help them."
I can do no wrong so long as I truly believe what I do is good.
I've been offered a gold watch by a man on Camp Creek parkway for helping him get gas to reach his niece.
An Indian businessman offered me lunch for stopping on an entry ramp to jump start his car.
A black man has offered me a shirt for giving him gas money.
I'm starting to realize that the more money I have, the more philanthropic I become. It's nice to know. Gives me a reason to work harder.
Why am I such a curious person?
Bonobo concert was okay. He played like three of his actual songs and everything else was a rave for some reason. People looked drunk, fucked up on rolls, or something else. I was not expecting this at all. I didn't know he played ravey music at all. All his albums at chill, downtempo music. Bit of a letdown but was still very nice to see one of my most favorite artists perform.
Saw a friend I hadn't seen in a month at the concert. He... got a lot skinnier. I'm not sure what to think of him anymore. Before he was a druggy, looked physically healthy, but had some bad world views. Now, he still is a druggy, looks physically not healthy, but has a great world view. I don't understand why people don't realize a living a good healthy does not entail drug abuse. It leaves your body just drained. I don't know what to do... he confuses me. I don't think I could talk any sense into him because he thinks his way is right. I see his path and although he may be happy for a while, I think he's going to lose his family down the road. One day he'll realize how much he's missed with his family and it won't be so sunshine and lollipops. He stopped eating meat too. I WOULD NEVER! I understand animals die but they so tasty. yumyum
I have this very weird sense of knowing who "I" am in any mental condition. Like, under any crazy mental condition or wave of emotion I feel like I'm anchored to my real self and I can bring myself back there anytime I want to. It's interesting and a nice thing to have.
I need to start working out again... at least three times a week. I'm getting lazy but I'm always so tired. What to do what to do.
Got my camera. Can't wait to take some crazy pictures once I go somewhere or do something. I get excited just thinking about it.
I have to wake up in less than seven hours. I guess this is a long post... SLEEPY
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