Brave New World Thoughts & w/e else
///BRAVE NEW WORLD
So, I'm up to about page seventy in BNW so far. It's a decent book so far. Huxley's style of writing took a bit of getting used to but I'm starting to understand how he moves his story along. I would almost liken it to my style of just sporadic thoughts except his has a flowing story to go along with it. I would do annotations on the physical book but I wouldn't want to put any markings in it. I like physical books the way they are. The smell of old books is nice. Anyway, on to some things I thought about.
The beginning was just super confusing. Just thrown into the world of BNW with not very much background information on where the setting is. Most of the beginning was just about how humanity was started to become factory made and conditioned to like certain things based on their caste. It's a bit interesting. We could almost liken it to our society today but we aren't nearly that brainwashed. We do get spoonfed bullshit a lot easier today but it's also easier to find the truths of the world as well which is slowly pushing out all the bullshit of the world. Nothing super interesting is happening in the book yet. The main storyline I'm interested in within the book is of the super pretty girl that apparently has a very strong and strange attraction to one of the "lesser" boys.
The castes of the BNW universe go from Alpha being highest to I think Epsilon? There are sections of the casts organized as Pluses and Minuses. Interestingly there are Epsilon Semi-Morons. Makes me wonder how the definition of moron was back then when Huxley wrote the book compared to today's meaning. There was a part in the book where the Alpha girl was looking down on a group of Epsilon's from her helicopter and she commented on how disgusted she was at them. This was where I came up with an interesting thought.
Since everyone in this universe is programed to feel happiness based on what they're told to, what really separates the Alphas from the Epsilons? They are both triggered to feel a feeling of happiness based on what they've been wired to feel happiness for. Also, in BNW nobody is given room to think or dwell upon their thoughts. There was a paragraph where it was specifically told to me that thinking was a thing of the past and harmful to society as a whole. I'm guessing this stems from the reasoning that thinking leads to change and away from the efficient society that the Controllers created.
Book is a bit boring right now. Nothing really thought-provoking yet. I'm just hoping that some new, interesting elements get added into it. Maybe not, I'm pretty excited to read The Alchemist so I might just drop Brave New World for now.
///HOME
I'm starting to realize that despite how much I dislike work, I dislike being at home so much more. I've never really talked about all the problems I have at home but I guess I've just been trying to hide it and pretend it's not there. I'll just use this to relieve a bit of pressure for now. Home is not a place of comfort for me besides a familiar setting and bed. Has not been for years. Can't stand loud voices because no matter what words are being said it sounds like an argument.
///UNIVERSE
I get the strangest feeling these days when things just go my way (which is a lot) it feels that the Universe is going out of its way to help me be happier and more stress free. At the same time, I realize that it is within my power every day to lead a happier life by simply viewing everything in a more optimistic point of view. It's really hard to have that view when things go wrong when it is both out of my control and involves people I care about. It's impossible to brush off something that went wrong for someone I care for. There's nothing wrong with that either, it's definitely a healthy dose of sadness or frustration. There would be something wrong with me if I completely did NOT care. I did have one day where I felt like the Universe was going out of its way to make everything go wrong for me one day. It was a terrible feeling haha. Everything just went to shit that day.
It's funny how I can simply replace Universe with God and it'd pretty much be one in the same. I strongly hope that the Universe will help me with things by me giving out good vibes and karma probably in the same way most people might pray. The one difference between my hoping and other people praying is that I hope that my actions of goodwill and karma will help me in the end while prayer is the lone action. I think the world would be a better place if people simply went about their life giving out good karma and hope for good karma back in return. You don't have to worry about getting that one specific thing you want. There might not even be karma but it does create some sort of placebo effect then. I find myself greatly appreciating things when things just go right or someone happens to inject a shot of happiness and joy into my life. Those are the moments when I feel like my good karma came back around to me.
Before this summer, the saying that all religions worshiped the same God without realizing it never really made sense to me. I mean it made sense that Jews, Christians, and Muslims praised the same God but not Hindus and Buddhists (they do have a form of God.) Over the summer thought it just became apparent to me personally that all religions are praising the same God. I happen to interpret it as the Universe. Just the laws of Nature and whatever flows and lives throughout. Being religious and spiritual are two completely different beasts.
Religious people seem to simply follow written traditions to get closer to God. To me, this didn't work. I'm the type of person that can watch T.V. series or movies and wonder why there are big ass plot holes. Same with the Bible and I'm pretty sure I would have come to the same conclusion with any religion. I just happened to grow in a Christian society. Spirituality is the path that everyone should seek and this one is a much more intimate relationship. It doesn't bind me to words or laws. It's such a refreshing point of view. I'm not really sure how to define spirituality in the way I've felt it but I do understand why people say it's important to build a personal relationship with God. I may not talk to God in the way most people do but I let my actions speak for themselves in what I want out of the world.
I'm not pushing this on anyone. These are all just my personal thoughts.
Let's see... what else can I write about.
///CHANGES
I couldn't wait to go to school to test myself out in social situation to see if I had actually changed much. Yes, I made myself a test subject. It's fun. It's weird how I can make my personality and me as a person a test subject to study. Very... weird... when I think about it. Makes for interesting blogs I guess. I'm not really sure how much of this stuff I actually used to do before the summer and how much I did afterwards but I'll just say stuff I noticed for sure.
Around people I didn't know at all I'm still not very social. I want to greet them and exchange names. The urge is there and I'm pretty sure it wasn't there before. I've been more firm with the way I talk and I feel a lot more confident. I feel I almost walk around with a bit of a swagger but that might just be the music making me move funny haha. I'm happier around people and just happier in general to see people. It's interesting to see how if I act really happy and joyful the people around me can pretty much feed off of my energy and it just spreads like wildfire. Just walking towards a group of people with a smile on my face I can see them starting to crack and smile and good times ensue.
Felt myself get angry at a friend today, it was probably amplified a lot because I was hungry. Keeping people away from food when they are hungry is not a good thing. It will make them angry and frustrated. I'm not even joking. EVERYONE acts like a big ol' fatty when they hooonngrayy. Went to a dinner with a good (you happy?) friend and was wondering if I would be comfortable. I know when I'm comfortable around people and this was almmoossttt completely comfortable. Which was a good thing. I knew I was never really the type to show that I cared for people. That has changed over the summer. I feel the need to take action when someone I care for is in trouble. Put my arm around them, give them words of encouragement, sit silently while they sob, just whatever is needed. I can't sit idly by anymore. Especially when I know I have the means to make them feel better.
///FRIENDS
Love being with my church friends. All of us are so chill. I don't think any drama could ever happen between any of us unless something crazy happened. We've had a couple new people join our group and I hope they realize how lucky they are to be a part of our group of friends. One reason why I'm REALLY glad I did these spiritual drugs (but drugs nonetheless) is that it it had a combination of making me more comfortable with who I am, realized how much I could trust my friends, and how close-knit we were. I remember having a period in my life where I didn't know who my real friends were at all. I doubted all the friendships I had. No one knew what I was going through, no one cared about me, everyone was just happily living their lives while I was in such a bad spot.
Looking back on that time period I realize how severely depressed I was. Such... a bad trip for a time. So doom and gloom. I was having thoughts of simply dropping all my church friends and try to make new ones. Trying to fit in wherever else I could. Nothing worked, making it worse. It's crazy how completely comfortable I am with my friends now. Not just church but all my friends. It's easier to accept I have different levels of friendship with everyone and I'm not trying to force myself into a group anymore or anything. I know where I belong and I know who I love being with and those are the people that make me feel the best about myself, help me grow, and people I would do anything to help.
///EXPRESSION
I'm dying to find a way to express myself in ways besides words. Draw, make music, dance, whatever. I need to find SOMETHING. I would prefer drawing the most. I could doodle wherever I want to. I just need to find a means to practice. Dammmnnn I wish I was still signed up for that Drawing class. Next semester for sure I'm going to sign up for it. I need to.
I feel like I repeat myself a lot in my writing. Anyone share their opinion on that?
This ended up being a LOT more than I intended it to be.
I jam so hard in my car. I wonder who I'll be comfortable with to jam that hard. Can't think of anyone unless I was fucked up.
Always wondering whether I'm letting myself be brainwashed by one idea after the next. The newer one always seems better. We'll see if I'm headed down the right path.
So, I'm up to about page seventy in BNW so far. It's a decent book so far. Huxley's style of writing took a bit of getting used to but I'm starting to understand how he moves his story along. I would almost liken it to my style of just sporadic thoughts except his has a flowing story to go along with it. I would do annotations on the physical book but I wouldn't want to put any markings in it. I like physical books the way they are. The smell of old books is nice. Anyway, on to some things I thought about.
The beginning was just super confusing. Just thrown into the world of BNW with not very much background information on where the setting is. Most of the beginning was just about how humanity was started to become factory made and conditioned to like certain things based on their caste. It's a bit interesting. We could almost liken it to our society today but we aren't nearly that brainwashed. We do get spoonfed bullshit a lot easier today but it's also easier to find the truths of the world as well which is slowly pushing out all the bullshit of the world. Nothing super interesting is happening in the book yet. The main storyline I'm interested in within the book is of the super pretty girl that apparently has a very strong and strange attraction to one of the "lesser" boys.
The castes of the BNW universe go from Alpha being highest to I think Epsilon? There are sections of the casts organized as Pluses and Minuses. Interestingly there are Epsilon Semi-Morons. Makes me wonder how the definition of moron was back then when Huxley wrote the book compared to today's meaning. There was a part in the book where the Alpha girl was looking down on a group of Epsilon's from her helicopter and she commented on how disgusted she was at them. This was where I came up with an interesting thought.
Since everyone in this universe is programed to feel happiness based on what they're told to, what really separates the Alphas from the Epsilons? They are both triggered to feel a feeling of happiness based on what they've been wired to feel happiness for. Also, in BNW nobody is given room to think or dwell upon their thoughts. There was a paragraph where it was specifically told to me that thinking was a thing of the past and harmful to society as a whole. I'm guessing this stems from the reasoning that thinking leads to change and away from the efficient society that the Controllers created.
Book is a bit boring right now. Nothing really thought-provoking yet. I'm just hoping that some new, interesting elements get added into it. Maybe not, I'm pretty excited to read The Alchemist so I might just drop Brave New World for now.
///HOME
I'm starting to realize that despite how much I dislike work, I dislike being at home so much more. I've never really talked about all the problems I have at home but I guess I've just been trying to hide it and pretend it's not there. I'll just use this to relieve a bit of pressure for now. Home is not a place of comfort for me besides a familiar setting and bed. Has not been for years. Can't stand loud voices because no matter what words are being said it sounds like an argument.
///UNIVERSE
I get the strangest feeling these days when things just go my way (which is a lot) it feels that the Universe is going out of its way to help me be happier and more stress free. At the same time, I realize that it is within my power every day to lead a happier life by simply viewing everything in a more optimistic point of view. It's really hard to have that view when things go wrong when it is both out of my control and involves people I care about. It's impossible to brush off something that went wrong for someone I care for. There's nothing wrong with that either, it's definitely a healthy dose of sadness or frustration. There would be something wrong with me if I completely did NOT care. I did have one day where I felt like the Universe was going out of its way to make everything go wrong for me one day. It was a terrible feeling haha. Everything just went to shit that day.
It's funny how I can simply replace Universe with God and it'd pretty much be one in the same. I strongly hope that the Universe will help me with things by me giving out good vibes and karma probably in the same way most people might pray. The one difference between my hoping and other people praying is that I hope that my actions of goodwill and karma will help me in the end while prayer is the lone action. I think the world would be a better place if people simply went about their life giving out good karma and hope for good karma back in return. You don't have to worry about getting that one specific thing you want. There might not even be karma but it does create some sort of placebo effect then. I find myself greatly appreciating things when things just go right or someone happens to inject a shot of happiness and joy into my life. Those are the moments when I feel like my good karma came back around to me.
Before this summer, the saying that all religions worshiped the same God without realizing it never really made sense to me. I mean it made sense that Jews, Christians, and Muslims praised the same God but not Hindus and Buddhists (they do have a form of God.) Over the summer thought it just became apparent to me personally that all religions are praising the same God. I happen to interpret it as the Universe. Just the laws of Nature and whatever flows and lives throughout. Being religious and spiritual are two completely different beasts.
Religious people seem to simply follow written traditions to get closer to God. To me, this didn't work. I'm the type of person that can watch T.V. series or movies and wonder why there are big ass plot holes. Same with the Bible and I'm pretty sure I would have come to the same conclusion with any religion. I just happened to grow in a Christian society. Spirituality is the path that everyone should seek and this one is a much more intimate relationship. It doesn't bind me to words or laws. It's such a refreshing point of view. I'm not really sure how to define spirituality in the way I've felt it but I do understand why people say it's important to build a personal relationship with God. I may not talk to God in the way most people do but I let my actions speak for themselves in what I want out of the world.
I'm not pushing this on anyone. These are all just my personal thoughts.
Let's see... what else can I write about.
///CHANGES
I couldn't wait to go to school to test myself out in social situation to see if I had actually changed much. Yes, I made myself a test subject. It's fun. It's weird how I can make my personality and me as a person a test subject to study. Very... weird... when I think about it. Makes for interesting blogs I guess. I'm not really sure how much of this stuff I actually used to do before the summer and how much I did afterwards but I'll just say stuff I noticed for sure.
Around people I didn't know at all I'm still not very social. I want to greet them and exchange names. The urge is there and I'm pretty sure it wasn't there before. I've been more firm with the way I talk and I feel a lot more confident. I feel I almost walk around with a bit of a swagger but that might just be the music making me move funny haha. I'm happier around people and just happier in general to see people. It's interesting to see how if I act really happy and joyful the people around me can pretty much feed off of my energy and it just spreads like wildfire. Just walking towards a group of people with a smile on my face I can see them starting to crack and smile and good times ensue.
Felt myself get angry at a friend today, it was probably amplified a lot because I was hungry. Keeping people away from food when they are hungry is not a good thing. It will make them angry and frustrated. I'm not even joking. EVERYONE acts like a big ol' fatty when they hooonngrayy. Went to a dinner with a good (you happy?) friend and was wondering if I would be comfortable. I know when I'm comfortable around people and this was almmoossttt completely comfortable. Which was a good thing. I knew I was never really the type to show that I cared for people. That has changed over the summer. I feel the need to take action when someone I care for is in trouble. Put my arm around them, give them words of encouragement, sit silently while they sob, just whatever is needed. I can't sit idly by anymore. Especially when I know I have the means to make them feel better.
///FRIENDS
Love being with my church friends. All of us are so chill. I don't think any drama could ever happen between any of us unless something crazy happened. We've had a couple new people join our group and I hope they realize how lucky they are to be a part of our group of friends. One reason why I'm REALLY glad I did these spiritual drugs (but drugs nonetheless) is that it it had a combination of making me more comfortable with who I am, realized how much I could trust my friends, and how close-knit we were. I remember having a period in my life where I didn't know who my real friends were at all. I doubted all the friendships I had. No one knew what I was going through, no one cared about me, everyone was just happily living their lives while I was in such a bad spot.
Looking back on that time period I realize how severely depressed I was. Such... a bad trip for a time. So doom and gloom. I was having thoughts of simply dropping all my church friends and try to make new ones. Trying to fit in wherever else I could. Nothing worked, making it worse. It's crazy how completely comfortable I am with my friends now. Not just church but all my friends. It's easier to accept I have different levels of friendship with everyone and I'm not trying to force myself into a group anymore or anything. I know where I belong and I know who I love being with and those are the people that make me feel the best about myself, help me grow, and people I would do anything to help.
///EXPRESSION
I'm dying to find a way to express myself in ways besides words. Draw, make music, dance, whatever. I need to find SOMETHING. I would prefer drawing the most. I could doodle wherever I want to. I just need to find a means to practice. Dammmnnn I wish I was still signed up for that Drawing class. Next semester for sure I'm going to sign up for it. I need to.
I feel like I repeat myself a lot in my writing. Anyone share their opinion on that?
This ended up being a LOT more than I intended it to be.
I jam so hard in my car. I wonder who I'll be comfortable with to jam that hard. Can't think of anyone unless I was fucked up.
Always wondering whether I'm letting myself be brainwashed by one idea after the next. The newer one always seems better. We'll see if I'm headed down the right path.
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