mac's cheesy thoughts

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Carried such a burden of underlying fear day-by-day of being sent back to a country I don't know. Not even knowing what city I was born in. The memory I have as a kid being in a big room and seeing my parents be told they couldn't get a green card. Too young to comprehend what had just happened. The 2000 election wanting the Democrat Al Gore to be elected for pro-immigration laws. The recount that ended up in a loss. The 2004 election and John Kerry. Same hopes. Same outcome. I had gotten used to all the disappointments. Accepted it. But now in one fell swoop Obama comes out of nowhere to not just giving me hope but doing the deed as well. The big elephant in the room that is my life has been answered and evaporated. Is this karma? I did give out a bunch of water bottles to amigos waiting for a job. Thanks karma. Keep on keepin' on. I hope the DREAM Act let's me get a passport... I have soooo many places I wa...

Today I learned the name of three adults. 1) Ms. Pearlie. The local cashier at the Publix. We had a good conversation even though it lasted less than a minute. Talked about how I was heading into work and bringing people food. She knew the area I worked around and told her to come by one day. Left her with a smile. 2&3) Mr. Tim and his wife Mrs. Monica. Both of them are regulars at the restaurant. I talk to them a little bit before but it was mostly a script I just ran through with most regulars. I had been wanting to get into a real conversation with them and today was the day. Talked to them about my past year of learning as I became manager. It flowed pretty easily. They said I was doing a good job always taking care of them when they came in. Gave me a sense of ease because I've been wondering how I've been doing. I'm starting to be able to flow into conversations with people. Not just scripted robotic conversations either. Sure, the beginning is the same but ...

///EXPECTATIONS      I noticed this about myself over the past couple weeks and saw how other people's expectations of how I am greatly affect my actions towards them and my own actions in daily life to live up to those expectations. ///Pretty sure that's a run-on buttfuckit.\\\ I generally front people as being a kind person even though being apathetic and sometimes just flat-out rude would be the much easier path. ///Well, now that I really think of it, lately I've been feeling like there's two Me's. It's a really strange thing. I'll have to write on that in a second.\\\ Expectations make me want to reach those expectations to the point where it's not just a front but natural to me. I don't really know where I'm going with this and will probably go off-topic buttfuckittt.      I'm such a people pleaser to the point where I just get distraught to the point of depression when I upset someone. ///Unless it's just a rude ass jenky custome...