mac's cheesy thoughts

///QUEST TO MAKE A COST-EFFECTIVE HOBO CARE PACKAGE             Getting back from Okeechobee Music Festival I wanted to start making changes to my actions for the world and be more active once again. Been a bit complacent and apathetic towards the homeless I see which I don't like since KBEK is still a thing and much appreciated. On to my some observations/commentary on what I've learned so far.                           I want to stay cost-effective for sure and am wanting to procure a package that is <$5 so that others might follow suit and that would be the end goal of this endeavor/project. I'm sure a lot of people are like me and certainly want to help the homeless but are simply jaded from having to deal with them on a daily basis and wondering if the money handed out really is going to good use. (This is why websites like CharityNavigator.com exist to help people put their...

///I DON'T EVEN CONFIDE IN MYSELF ANYMORE              "What's wrong with me?" I ask myself this question far too often nowadays with detrimental results to my mental state. C.S. Lewis said that nothing changes day by day but when we look back things are so different from years past. I see a huge difference from who I was a year ago before I graduated from GSU. I have no drive to do anything and just pander in pointless endeavors like reddit or YouTube videos. I don't read at all anymore and am currently feel the most gratification from fucking going anything above seven arena wins in Hearthstone. Like what? What the fuck am I doing? I go days without drinking followed by days of drinking til I'm drunk and then just recovering for a few days to get back into physical/physiological/mental homeostasis. I want to make changes but the scariest part is I don't even know where to start.  Well, I can make a short list of things I definitely need to dr...

///FEELS-IDEALS             What is it that I can feel/empath so much but be unable to feel love  (at least the way I should?) towards my own blood and family. I mean don't get me wrong it's there, but I should feel so much more than I do, shouldn't I? How am I able to sit idly and be annoyed  when my own sister and mother are either threatened to death or brought within seconds of death, respectively. I don't know what to think of it. I would most likely diagnose myself as having a higher level of Asperger's/autism than the average person (but still nowhere near a clinically diagnosed level if that makes sense.) Sometimes I just feel like I go through actions that I feel like is the right thing to do rather than the thing I want to do.                   I'm not sure if I actually care for people as much as I care what they think about me .  It's an interesting perspective/paradigm I think abou...

///URBEX [SPARTA] THOUGHTS       Got off my lazy ass and actually did something adventure-worthy  today. I was incredibly  tempted to just lay in bed and cancel the plans while comforting myself that, "I'll be productive in other ways," today. Bullshit  and I know it. I need to realize that more.  [Goh-lee writing in this right now feels nice to get some thoughts out in electrical-physical form.] Got out and took some of my meds/supplements which include my Lamotrigine and 5-HTP to give myself a boost. [Too cranky without it I am beginning to realize unfortunately... C'est la vie.] Had some coffee as well for another boosty boost boost, but jeez I peed so much because of it. Woorrthhh it!                  Met up Chris Stallings and Max Ruth to go explore some buildings in Sparta. Both of them are pretty chill and much more knowledgeable about locations than I am which I just piggyback off of. Which is wh...