Bombing Bastards - Terranova off of Rdio of Portishead. i dig it
///QUICK HITS
So, after making some mixes and writing a paper, I've come to realize I'm quite the stickler for editing. I love it. I love finding something wrong and correcting the error in order to make it more fluid. The joy of finding something wrong... I dunno it's pretty rewarding for me. Am I OCD or a perfectionist? Meh, it's both similar.
This is probably the hundredth time I've said this, but I felt like I was getting closer to being focused and enjoying the rush from reading and learning so much about subjects I would have known nothing about otherwise. (must be concise in words) Reading A Short History of Nearly Everything is a fascinating book. Every page some new tidbit of information is given out, mainly about the subculture within scientists. Man, there's a lot of drama in that world. A bit expected since a person's whole life's work could be taken by someone with the progenitor getting little to credit. (fuck, i forgot the bossam i ate as a midnight snack gave me the shits when i had it the other day. i feel it.) I enjoy reading, but apparently I am content with hating myself sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours and hours and hours on end. HA! I've known this forever. And I am helpless against myself.
stay away from facebook, reddit, youtube, espn, bleacherreport. these are all the DEVIL to me
Interesting thing about what people believe. I would wager that upwards of 90% of convictions people hold are simply reflections of ideals they read somewhere. They liked it, they clicked with it, it was part of their "wavelength" but what does that really mean? We're all so blind to so much. Every day (eh, more like pretty often) I discover a new revelation that creates a paradigm swing in a field of knowledge. All these hipsters, hippies, yuppies, thrill-seekers, etc. what ideals did they come to discover themselves? How many were read and integrated? Am I any different? I like to think I have come to certain conclusions (is there ever really an end?) to certain ideas. It's strange how I can't think of any off the top of my head.................... Meh, I'm pretty hipster but I have a sneaky, crafty, beguiling way going about it.
The more I think about how and why I act the way that I do, I've come to a conclusion (this is an actual one) that I need appreciation and acknowledgement moreso than the average person. It's the schema that rules delegates the external world from within me. The more I think of it now, the more I find it to be true. It is the reason why I forced myself to learn how to be more social and part of why I went about accruing new hobbies so that I could construct a certain image of myself to others as an interesting person. Even the slightest chance of disappointment is the greatest motivator for me. I prepare myself ahead of time in order to exceed expectations (although, if the goal is too much [i.e. a big project] the procrastination overpowers my motivation).
I know what I need to do, but it's so hard to break old habits. I'd rather be addicted to drugs and break that habit and be done. Not really. But SHIT, not being able to focus on tasks that isn't related to web-surfing is incredibly annoying and damn near (more likely is) debilitating. This is my greatest obstacle. More than finding a girl. True story. My journey for self-growth must continue. I'm staring at the Berlin Wall. It seems insurmountable with politics from what I want and what I'm comfortable with needs to get shit straight. So here's a small list of things I need to do to get this rolling:
gnight me. future me. i hope you are well and you have achieved at least half the list. if you haven't, then fuck you and by fuck you, i mean fuck me. past me is pointing at you and calling you pathetic. which, if i haven't at least part of the list, i am. pathetic.
mantra for resetting myself to refocus on my goals:
"You know best who you are now. Start going who you can best become."
///QUICK HITS
So, after making some mixes and writing a paper, I've come to realize I'm quite the stickler for editing. I love it. I love finding something wrong and correcting the error in order to make it more fluid. The joy of finding something wrong... I dunno it's pretty rewarding for me. Am I OCD or a perfectionist? Meh, it's both similar.
This is probably the hundredth time I've said this, but I felt like I was getting closer to being focused and enjoying the rush from reading and learning so much about subjects I would have known nothing about otherwise. (must be concise in words) Reading A Short History of Nearly Everything is a fascinating book. Every page some new tidbit of information is given out, mainly about the subculture within scientists. Man, there's a lot of drama in that world. A bit expected since a person's whole life's work could be taken by someone with the progenitor getting little to credit. (fuck, i forgot the bossam i ate as a midnight snack gave me the shits when i had it the other day. i feel it.) I enjoy reading, but apparently I am content with hating myself sitting in front of the computer for hours and hours and hours and hours on end. HA! I've known this forever. And I am helpless against myself.
stay away from facebook, reddit, youtube, espn, bleacherreport. these are all the DEVIL to me
Interesting thing about what people believe. I would wager that upwards of 90% of convictions people hold are simply reflections of ideals they read somewhere. They liked it, they clicked with it, it was part of their "wavelength" but what does that really mean? We're all so blind to so much. Every day (eh, more like pretty often) I discover a new revelation that creates a paradigm swing in a field of knowledge. All these hipsters, hippies, yuppies, thrill-seekers, etc. what ideals did they come to discover themselves? How many were read and integrated? Am I any different? I like to think I have come to certain conclusions (is there ever really an end?) to certain ideas. It's strange how I can't think of any off the top of my head.................... Meh, I'm pretty hipster but I have a sneaky, crafty, beguiling way going about it.
The more I think about how and why I act the way that I do, I've come to a conclusion (this is an actual one) that I need appreciation and acknowledgement moreso than the average person. It's the schema that rules delegates the external world from within me. The more I think of it now, the more I find it to be true. It is the reason why I forced myself to learn how to be more social and part of why I went about accruing new hobbies so that I could construct a certain image of myself to others as an interesting person. Even the slightest chance of disappointment is the greatest motivator for me. I prepare myself ahead of time in order to exceed expectations (although, if the goal is too much [i.e. a big project] the procrastination overpowers my motivation).
I know what I need to do, but it's so hard to break old habits. I'd rather be addicted to drugs and break that habit and be done. Not really. But SHIT, not being able to focus on tasks that isn't related to web-surfing is incredibly annoying and damn near (more likely is) debilitating. This is my greatest obstacle. More than finding a girl. True story. My journey for self-growth must continue. I'm staring at the Berlin Wall. It seems insurmountable with politics from what I want and what I'm comfortable with needs to get shit straight. So here's a small list of things I need to do to get this rolling:
- go to bed earlier, 1:00 at the LATEST
- work out earlier in the day
- go for morning runs
- read for at least an hour a day
- close laptop so i know why i left it closed
- hike
gnight me. future me. i hope you are well and you have achieved at least half the list. if you haven't, then fuck you and by fuck you, i mean fuck me. past me is pointing at you and calling you pathetic. which, if i haven't at least part of the list, i am. pathetic.
mantra for resetting myself to refocus on my goals:
"You know best who you are now. Start going who you can best become."
Comments
Post a Comment