rando-thought mulling
///PSYCHOLOGY GENESIS
I had a pull a while ago towards changing my major to something else. I was an economics major just 'cuz then I switched over to psychology. Guess I felt it was a good medium from philosophy and my curiosity of the world. What was my main reason for taking psychology? I'm not really sure. Probably had to do with me wanting to learn how to not be so socially awkward. Which worked, but I'm still a bit of a fucking weirdo except now, I'm comfortable being a complete fucking weirdo. Kinda figured myself out and met other people making me comfortable around others. They accept me and I accept them. Win-win. [wow i drank this beer super fast. so much for writing a whole entry sipping on it] I still think, actually I know, I strike people as odd. I have a great face to start off with that probably seems like a normal guy that might just be a little extra nice. THEN. THEN it gets funny. I make my odd sound effects and phrases. Harhar. Whatever. Back to the topic.
While I was starting my psychology classes I also took a philosophy class which gave a boost into my curiosity into it. [i need to learn more about it] The main viewpoint was the one of existentialism. I still don't have a complete understanding of it but in my mind consists of, "in the end, nothing matters." So, if in the end we have nothing, why not go for everything? Bit of a struggle this one. I could just embark on a ridiculous lifestyle of adventure and seeing the world. I think I want to... I should get a degree first in something useful. Dammit I dunno.
///STUDYING
I keep looking to a future where I may very well have a future in being a physicians assistant if I can apply myself to it, but I'm finding it INCREDIBLY hard to keep up a study schedule even with only seven hours. I'm not acclimated to suddenly studying hours a day. My laptop is a demonic black hole that just plops me down in front of it for hours at a time. I can't figure out why. It's not rewarding at all since I know if I think about my future, I will have regretted doing so. I have less trouble staying away from drugs and alcohol in terms of feeling like shit about it later. What's the best way? I don't know. I am learning that once I do get away and start an activity I am able to keep moving continuously without wanting to go back to my laptop. Starting in the hardest part. [not much beer left :(] What to do, what to do. [fuck just got trapped into facebook for a few minutes] In order to do so I need to keep mindful of my Self and my mental awareness.
///MINDFULNESS
Luckily(?), I've kind of been slipping back into where I am proactive in changing my behaviors and back to doing acts of kindness that take more mental acumen to accomplish. I've been in this situation before where I lost my Path and found it again. I need to not lose it again. I may very well get some tattoos on my fingers just as a reminder for all the things I need to focus on:
1; Kindness when it's much easier to look the other way
2: Stepping away from the laptop when I have other things to be doing
3: Using time to do extracurricular activities such as hiking, exploring, or taking photos
4: Study study study. Seriously need to train myself to do so. Amazing how much I suck at this.
5: Slowly attempt to lucid dream again.
///QUICK HITS
what to do about dating. i feel like i should but i lack the confidence to ask a girl out
meditate. i'm sure it'll help me achieve a level of clarity i did not have before.
meet with people. i've been meeting new people but i don't keep up with the outside of facebook. this is a bit of a problem. in order to strengthen the bonds i should grab lunch and stuff.
drinking at work. fun. but risky.
i want to make a mix but i have no idea where to start.
i do have ideas of where to start for projects. youtube. just too lazy to start... aanndd circular argument again. i suck
I'M AWESOME (right?)
I had a pull a while ago towards changing my major to something else. I was an economics major just 'cuz then I switched over to psychology. Guess I felt it was a good medium from philosophy and my curiosity of the world. What was my main reason for taking psychology? I'm not really sure. Probably had to do with me wanting to learn how to not be so socially awkward. Which worked, but I'm still a bit of a fucking weirdo except now, I'm comfortable being a complete fucking weirdo. Kinda figured myself out and met other people making me comfortable around others. They accept me and I accept them. Win-win. [wow i drank this beer super fast. so much for writing a whole entry sipping on it] I still think, actually I know, I strike people as odd. I have a great face to start off with that probably seems like a normal guy that might just be a little extra nice. THEN. THEN it gets funny. I make my odd sound effects and phrases. Harhar. Whatever. Back to the topic.
While I was starting my psychology classes I also took a philosophy class which gave a boost into my curiosity into it. [i need to learn more about it] The main viewpoint was the one of existentialism. I still don't have a complete understanding of it but in my mind consists of, "in the end, nothing matters." So, if in the end we have nothing, why not go for everything? Bit of a struggle this one. I could just embark on a ridiculous lifestyle of adventure and seeing the world. I think I want to... I should get a degree first in something useful. Dammit I dunno.
///STUDYING
I keep looking to a future where I may very well have a future in being a physicians assistant if I can apply myself to it, but I'm finding it INCREDIBLY hard to keep up a study schedule even with only seven hours. I'm not acclimated to suddenly studying hours a day. My laptop is a demonic black hole that just plops me down in front of it for hours at a time. I can't figure out why. It's not rewarding at all since I know if I think about my future, I will have regretted doing so. I have less trouble staying away from drugs and alcohol in terms of feeling like shit about it later. What's the best way? I don't know. I am learning that once I do get away and start an activity I am able to keep moving continuously without wanting to go back to my laptop. Starting in the hardest part. [not much beer left :(] What to do, what to do. [fuck just got trapped into facebook for a few minutes] In order to do so I need to keep mindful of my Self and my mental awareness.
///MINDFULNESS
Luckily(?), I've kind of been slipping back into where I am proactive in changing my behaviors and back to doing acts of kindness that take more mental acumen to accomplish. I've been in this situation before where I lost my Path and found it again. I need to not lose it again. I may very well get some tattoos on my fingers just as a reminder for all the things I need to focus on:
1; Kindness when it's much easier to look the other way
2: Stepping away from the laptop when I have other things to be doing
3: Using time to do extracurricular activities such as hiking, exploring, or taking photos
4: Study study study. Seriously need to train myself to do so. Amazing how much I suck at this.
5: Slowly attempt to lucid dream again.
///QUICK HITS
what to do about dating. i feel like i should but i lack the confidence to ask a girl out
meditate. i'm sure it'll help me achieve a level of clarity i did not have before.
meet with people. i've been meeting new people but i don't keep up with the outside of facebook. this is a bit of a problem. in order to strengthen the bonds i should grab lunch and stuff.
drinking at work. fun. but risky.
i want to make a mix but i have no idea where to start.
i do have ideas of where to start for projects. youtube. just too lazy to start... aanndd circular argument again. i suck
I'M AWESOME (right?)
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