If I was Christian///Drugs
///CATHARISM
If there was a hippy, very spiritual sect of Christianity it would be Catharism. If anything, I would call these people Christian hippies. They disliked any form of control and government because they understood that power lead to corruption. This was mainly seen as a threat to the Church in the medieval age because obviously they were epitome and power and control during that era. They believed that there were two Gods. One who was everything physical, corporeal, and powerful. And another that was a spirit God. Their definition of God would be pretty similar to what I might believe. Or what I think might be the closest interpretation of one. This spirit God was simply love, order, and peace incarnate. Cathars sought to ascend from the physical realm into the spiritual realm by their practices and believed that's how they would achieve a sort of nirvana. I think that God doesn't dabble in words and physical means. I think God is pure emotion. And of course that emotion is love. Which is why I also believe that God is all within us. Because we are all VERY capable of loving. It's just a matter of finding out how to do so. The Church saw the Cathars as heretics because the Cathars disliked how the Church held power. Eventually the Pope initiated a crusade against them and annihilated the whole sect. The Cathars also believed that there was no Hell. That Hell, if there was one, was this physical life we hold on Earth. And so, they really had nothing to fear from death because anything was better than Hell to them. They believed they either ascended or was reincarnated. I dunno, they believe a lot of things I do. I find it very interesting that there used to be a Christian sect with such radical ideologies. Such a loving movement was stomped down into the dirt before it got anywhere. Similar to our times really. It'll probably be different this time.
///DRUGS
Drug rule of thumb. I should only be able to count on one hand how many drugs I've tried. No more.
1) Weed - Rarely smoke anymore. I get way too self-conscious, more so than on any other drug. Also makes me the most paranoid. I am a terrible driver when I'm pretty baked because I can't pay attention to traffic lights well haha. However, this is the easiest way to chill on small doses and listen to music. A one-hitter, music, and longboarding is supppperrr chill. Nothing like it. Weed also leaves me feeling the MOST inspired by far on what paths I need to take. While LSD makes me want to just sit back and become a straight up hippy, weed makes me want to become an accomplished person with a good career. Makes me believe I can live just as happy a life by doing business man-like things. It also shows me what my passions are. I feel a great swell in my chest when I think about something I like to do. Writing, psychology, and philosophy mainly. Regarding relationships, weed makes me not want one at all. I always find excuses in my head not to. Maybe it's right, maybe it isn't.
2) Alcohol - Oh lawdy lawd. For some reason I look upon this drug the worst. Sloppy, drunken, most physically challenging, puking stumbling, lovey for all the wrong reasons, and expensive. I think the best way to explain this drug is in terms of how drunk you get. Tipsy, everything is dandy, just takes a bit of the edge off. Words are easier to come by and I feel I have swag! Hahaha. The boost in swag at this point is okay because I'm not a bumbling idiot yet. I'm just more outgoing and friendly. Drunk, I find it hard to walk too straight. I am a bit loud and boisterous. I have a small filter in my mind that stops me from saying what's really on my mind. I only hold back my deepest secrets. Anything else I just spew out. I want to dance! Yes, about the only fun thing about being at this point is how fun it is to dance. I will find whoever and just dance for the sake of dancing. I'd rather not grind but... that's how drunk people dance. Black out drunk. Holes in my memory. Black out drunk. What else is there to say. I hate the taste of liquor and even the thought of it sickens me the next morning. If I find that good balance throughout the night, it's a good night. I'm still figuring out how much I can drink since I don't drink often at all. I get wasted after six drinks. Lightweight baabbbyyy. Makes it cheaper though. Oh, and I love buying people drinks.
3) MDMA - In a nutshell, MDMA is a clean drunk. I don't feel drugged at all, all is good in the world, nothing matters except sharing the love. Love drug. But not the same kind of love you feel when you're drunk. That is just "I wanna hump you" love. MDMA love is... "I want to see you happier" love. Your happiness is my happiness. It's a good lesson I learned from it. Holds true in sober world. I learned that giving happiness and creating happiness in the world gives you happiness. Maybe it's a psychological tick my brain learned as a reward because of how intense that feeling was from MDMA and it's just replicating it. Either way, I try my best to live by this rule. The atmosphere of a concert where people are on this is like nothing else. Everyone is so fucked up, but it's a good fucked up if there is one. With the lessons I learned on LSD on how all is one and one is all rave concerts are the epitome if this to me. All moving in unison to music. People will go way out of their way to help you do anything. Dropped your phone? People will drop down and help you. Need some water? They will give you theirs. Want to meet good people? Talk to anyone, barriers of communication are all broken down. Of course, a drug this good can't be without it's side effects. I learned my lesson of how I had started to fiend and chase for that first high after a three day binge. Went to some craaazzzzyyyy side effects for a couple days. Oh man it was scary. I experienced depersonalization for two days, saw shit moving in the shadows, didn't know who I was. Everything seemed dream-like. Like I wasn't myself. Learned my lesson from there to control my fiendings and experienced first hand how bad it got for me. Took a hard lesson. Almost everyone will say that once a month in moderate doses is safe. MDMA will create a helluva memory. Yes, it's a drug but it created the best nights of my life. I mean, small price to pay. The music is great, it moves me, and every note strikes a chord in me. MDMA also made me a more outgoing person. After a few times of MDMA I just had a mindset of, "I can create happiness and love in this world so easily," and, "there's really nothing stopping me from being myself around anyone. Just me." One thing I would be careful with is falling in fake love with someone on MDMA. I could see anyone liking someone a little and thinking they LOVE them as their soulmate. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but MDMA creates fake love. It's best to just learn good lessons from it and think any feelings through later.
4) LSD - Hello hippy drug. What to say about you. I like how you made me appreciate all that there is to appreciate in life. How I can now appreciate every little thing that I took for granted before. Unconditional love, best friends, music, finding spirituality, leading me to my true self, nature, breathing, wind, water, food, people, genuine interest, happiness, love, doing what I want, following my heart, and many other things. Lately I don't really like it though. I've learned what I could from LSD and the past couple times I haven't really learned much. I just get confused as shit about the world is now. I don't want it to change me too much. I'm still me but I've seen people change their personality a lot afterwards. I mean, they've become good people but... they're just not who they used to be. It's helped me think differently and see the strings that pull the system to anything. Especially in terms of how the human psyche works. I can conceptualize things I couldn't before and it's crazy. Music on LSD is fun because it sounds so good and the visuals that accompany it are fun. Closing my eyes and listening to music is just bliss with certain songs. Songs of loving everyone makes it so obvious that I should love everyone. I had the most enlightening thoughts on LSD. Simply looking up into the night sky made me realize how puny and insignificant I really am in the grand scheme of things. And it couldn't have been any more poetically beautiful. It made me want to live a life full of adventure and magic. Live a fulfilled life not with money but with happiness, love, friends, family, and good times. Hmmm just writing about it makes me want to go do something crazy right now. Before LSD my life was forgive and forget. Since, it has become forgive and love.
5) Mushrooms - I don't even fucking remember. Music was great. Only tried it once. I'm always willing to try anything at least three times. Maybe it will help me kill the rest of my ego. Maybe not. We'll see. I'd be willing to try it again under more... controlled conditions next time. Set and setting is key.
The main thing for me about when to do drugs is to do it when you're NOT stressed out or depressed. Only when you're happy and carefree in sober life. If you try to do it when you're depressed sure you'll be in la-la-land for a good bit but once it starts to wear off, you will want more because the depression will be amplified. It becomes a mental crutch in your head.
As bad as this may sound, I want people to try drugs. Life is nothing but memories and the present. From my personal experience, it helped me create a better future and created some very good memories. Fake feelings or not doesn't take away from the fact that the memories are still there.
Oh, ran a mile today for the first time in forever. Surprised I ran it pretty quickly too.
I'm tired.
I need to stop buying things.
If there was a hippy, very spiritual sect of Christianity it would be Catharism. If anything, I would call these people Christian hippies. They disliked any form of control and government because they understood that power lead to corruption. This was mainly seen as a threat to the Church in the medieval age because obviously they were epitome and power and control during that era. They believed that there were two Gods. One who was everything physical, corporeal, and powerful. And another that was a spirit God. Their definition of God would be pretty similar to what I might believe. Or what I think might be the closest interpretation of one. This spirit God was simply love, order, and peace incarnate. Cathars sought to ascend from the physical realm into the spiritual realm by their practices and believed that's how they would achieve a sort of nirvana. I think that God doesn't dabble in words and physical means. I think God is pure emotion. And of course that emotion is love. Which is why I also believe that God is all within us. Because we are all VERY capable of loving. It's just a matter of finding out how to do so. The Church saw the Cathars as heretics because the Cathars disliked how the Church held power. Eventually the Pope initiated a crusade against them and annihilated the whole sect. The Cathars also believed that there was no Hell. That Hell, if there was one, was this physical life we hold on Earth. And so, they really had nothing to fear from death because anything was better than Hell to them. They believed they either ascended or was reincarnated. I dunno, they believe a lot of things I do. I find it very interesting that there used to be a Christian sect with such radical ideologies. Such a loving movement was stomped down into the dirt before it got anywhere. Similar to our times really. It'll probably be different this time.
///DRUGS
Drug rule of thumb. I should only be able to count on one hand how many drugs I've tried. No more.
1) Weed - Rarely smoke anymore. I get way too self-conscious, more so than on any other drug. Also makes me the most paranoid. I am a terrible driver when I'm pretty baked because I can't pay attention to traffic lights well haha. However, this is the easiest way to chill on small doses and listen to music. A one-hitter, music, and longboarding is supppperrr chill. Nothing like it. Weed also leaves me feeling the MOST inspired by far on what paths I need to take. While LSD makes me want to just sit back and become a straight up hippy, weed makes me want to become an accomplished person with a good career. Makes me believe I can live just as happy a life by doing business man-like things. It also shows me what my passions are. I feel a great swell in my chest when I think about something I like to do. Writing, psychology, and philosophy mainly. Regarding relationships, weed makes me not want one at all. I always find excuses in my head not to. Maybe it's right, maybe it isn't.
2) Alcohol - Oh lawdy lawd. For some reason I look upon this drug the worst. Sloppy, drunken, most physically challenging, puking stumbling, lovey for all the wrong reasons, and expensive. I think the best way to explain this drug is in terms of how drunk you get. Tipsy, everything is dandy, just takes a bit of the edge off. Words are easier to come by and I feel I have swag! Hahaha. The boost in swag at this point is okay because I'm not a bumbling idiot yet. I'm just more outgoing and friendly. Drunk, I find it hard to walk too straight. I am a bit loud and boisterous. I have a small filter in my mind that stops me from saying what's really on my mind. I only hold back my deepest secrets. Anything else I just spew out. I want to dance! Yes, about the only fun thing about being at this point is how fun it is to dance. I will find whoever and just dance for the sake of dancing. I'd rather not grind but... that's how drunk people dance. Black out drunk. Holes in my memory. Black out drunk. What else is there to say. I hate the taste of liquor and even the thought of it sickens me the next morning. If I find that good balance throughout the night, it's a good night. I'm still figuring out how much I can drink since I don't drink often at all. I get wasted after six drinks. Lightweight baabbbyyy. Makes it cheaper though. Oh, and I love buying people drinks.
3) MDMA - In a nutshell, MDMA is a clean drunk. I don't feel drugged at all, all is good in the world, nothing matters except sharing the love. Love drug. But not the same kind of love you feel when you're drunk. That is just "I wanna hump you" love. MDMA love is... "I want to see you happier" love. Your happiness is my happiness. It's a good lesson I learned from it. Holds true in sober world. I learned that giving happiness and creating happiness in the world gives you happiness. Maybe it's a psychological tick my brain learned as a reward because of how intense that feeling was from MDMA and it's just replicating it. Either way, I try my best to live by this rule. The atmosphere of a concert where people are on this is like nothing else. Everyone is so fucked up, but it's a good fucked up if there is one. With the lessons I learned on LSD on how all is one and one is all rave concerts are the epitome if this to me. All moving in unison to music. People will go way out of their way to help you do anything. Dropped your phone? People will drop down and help you. Need some water? They will give you theirs. Want to meet good people? Talk to anyone, barriers of communication are all broken down. Of course, a drug this good can't be without it's side effects. I learned my lesson of how I had started to fiend and chase for that first high after a three day binge. Went to some craaazzzzyyyy side effects for a couple days. Oh man it was scary. I experienced depersonalization for two days, saw shit moving in the shadows, didn't know who I was. Everything seemed dream-like. Like I wasn't myself. Learned my lesson from there to control my fiendings and experienced first hand how bad it got for me. Took a hard lesson. Almost everyone will say that once a month in moderate doses is safe. MDMA will create a helluva memory. Yes, it's a drug but it created the best nights of my life. I mean, small price to pay. The music is great, it moves me, and every note strikes a chord in me. MDMA also made me a more outgoing person. After a few times of MDMA I just had a mindset of, "I can create happiness and love in this world so easily," and, "there's really nothing stopping me from being myself around anyone. Just me." One thing I would be careful with is falling in fake love with someone on MDMA. I could see anyone liking someone a little and thinking they LOVE them as their soulmate. Maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but MDMA creates fake love. It's best to just learn good lessons from it and think any feelings through later.
4) LSD - Hello hippy drug. What to say about you. I like how you made me appreciate all that there is to appreciate in life. How I can now appreciate every little thing that I took for granted before. Unconditional love, best friends, music, finding spirituality, leading me to my true self, nature, breathing, wind, water, food, people, genuine interest, happiness, love, doing what I want, following my heart, and many other things. Lately I don't really like it though. I've learned what I could from LSD and the past couple times I haven't really learned much. I just get confused as shit about the world is now. I don't want it to change me too much. I'm still me but I've seen people change their personality a lot afterwards. I mean, they've become good people but... they're just not who they used to be. It's helped me think differently and see the strings that pull the system to anything. Especially in terms of how the human psyche works. I can conceptualize things I couldn't before and it's crazy. Music on LSD is fun because it sounds so good and the visuals that accompany it are fun. Closing my eyes and listening to music is just bliss with certain songs. Songs of loving everyone makes it so obvious that I should love everyone. I had the most enlightening thoughts on LSD. Simply looking up into the night sky made me realize how puny and insignificant I really am in the grand scheme of things. And it couldn't have been any more poetically beautiful. It made me want to live a life full of adventure and magic. Live a fulfilled life not with money but with happiness, love, friends, family, and good times. Hmmm just writing about it makes me want to go do something crazy right now. Before LSD my life was forgive and forget. Since, it has become forgive and love.
5) Mushrooms - I don't even fucking remember. Music was great. Only tried it once. I'm always willing to try anything at least three times. Maybe it will help me kill the rest of my ego. Maybe not. We'll see. I'd be willing to try it again under more... controlled conditions next time. Set and setting is key.
The main thing for me about when to do drugs is to do it when you're NOT stressed out or depressed. Only when you're happy and carefree in sober life. If you try to do it when you're depressed sure you'll be in la-la-land for a good bit but once it starts to wear off, you will want more because the depression will be amplified. It becomes a mental crutch in your head.
As bad as this may sound, I want people to try drugs. Life is nothing but memories and the present. From my personal experience, it helped me create a better future and created some very good memories. Fake feelings or not doesn't take away from the fact that the memories are still there.
Oh, ran a mile today for the first time in forever. Surprised I ran it pretty quickly too.
I'm tired.
I need to stop buying things.
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