Appreciation, so simple but difficult
///SUMMER THOUGHTS PT.1
I have come out of this summer with a fun version of Mac. Which is macaroo. macaroo was born at Bonnaroo on my 21st birthday. I didn't think much of it at the time but it is a nice way to put a title on how this summer changed me. I must thank Rachel Chiang, Catherine Yi, and Clara Choi for telling macaroo to keep his underoos on at Bonnaroo.
I will kick this off with one of the major points of how this summer changed me. I remember after my first LSD trip that I thought that the supposed spiritual feeling that comes from it would not come to me. Same with Molly. Well, I should've know better than to judge its effects on just one experience. I was definitely right about how it would give me "minor" epiphanies about life to live it easier. Those epiphanies brought new light to such simple things. Like how to appreciate everything. I thought I appreciated how very special life is before but man, this is different. Simple thoughts like how lucky I am to have a group of friends that's been together for what, ten years now? Let me start a new damn paragraph for my people. I'll tell you, drugs can make you APPRECIATE(!!!) things your mind happens to crosses into a thought of something so beautiful you take for granted everyday.
Catholics in general may get a bad wrap because of how their old traditions conflict heavily with modern views, but to me it's been a blessing in disguise. Before Chunjoo, my family skipped me around everywhere. I never had a solid base of friends for long. I was always moving churches so any friends I made there were short-lived. I was always moving houses for whatever reason. Right when I had moved into a house and stayed there for about three years, had a group of neighborhood friends, and was happy, we up and moved again. This was right after elementary school. We moved into a big house and at what cost? I lost the only friends I knew. This was a life lesson to me. I am never going to move when I see my kid has a group of friends to grow up with.
Anyway, after skipping around some more churches my sister started to regularly attend Chunjoo and so my parents sent me there too. Since there's only ONE Korean Catholic church in all of Georgia, and that Catholicism is viewed by many as a waaayy different line of Christianity, it's hard to jump churches after becoming baptized. I even got my damn nickname Mac from here. And so, we grew with each other experiencing life as we all grew older. It was weird looking back on my life with a new perspective. I can't even put this in words. I just remember about a week ago I was having a conversation on Molly about how lucky I was to have gone to Chunjoo. How we have all grown up and that we're all still hanging out together and maintaining a close relationship. I had this unique feeling of how we were a tribe together, just riding out the big trip that is life. It was a beautiful thought that I would have these people behind me no matter what the circumstance. This is going to sound crazy, but I'm glad we did these drugs.
I don't know about them, but it took my caring and love for the ones I love to another level. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED. Some haters* might say, "Oh, well you took drugs and drugs are bad. Drugs made you feel like that blah blahblahblahblahBLAH." Well fuck you. I don't give a fuck. I don't regret this summer in the least bit. Something I always say goes something like this... Eff. I can't put into words this feeling and saying I always say to myself. I'll give it a shot by thought-puking a sentence right now. The feelings I have from my drug use over the summer were positive ones. So what if it was caused by drugs? It doesn't make the (EXTREMELY) positive effects towards the outlook on life any less real. Hey, thought-puking kinda worked. Yeah, that saying I was talking about always ends with, "... doesn't make it any less real." Works with a lot of things.
Before, I wasn't too sure what I wanted in life. Did I want money, security, status, a reputation, power, materialistic goods, and basically do everything that Korean parents want? Or did I want happiness, adventure, and taking risks in life. Now, this seems like a obvious answer right? Happiness triumphs all, right? Well, actually this probably isn't an obvious answer to all you kids of Korean parents. The pressure stemming from our parents to acquire wealth and to flaunt it is ridiculous. Over the summer I've realized that life is too short to live it without living in happiness. My way of life only works if I believe my parents will find *happiness in my happiness, and I believe they will. It is a bit of a scary thought when I think that they will see me as a failure by pursuing happiness over wealth. I won't need money to be happy so long as I can meet that right person one day.
*Haters are people that can't respect other people's viewpoint. I respect people that respect my decisions and trust that I know what I'm doing. Otherwise, I get this vibe that they think I'm an idiot. This is especially related to drugs. Now, if a hater realizes they are a hater, I think that's okay. Does that make sense?
*I hate how Korean culture is just absorbing American culture. And it's not even taking the good parts. It's taking all the bad parts of American culture and taking it to an extreme x10. I mean come on, they freaking TRAIN people from youth to become pop stars. What the fuck is that? Spartans in ancient Greece trained children from youth to fight to protect their city. Halo trained Master Chief to protect humanity against rebels and aliens. Korean train teenagers to become icons to be used as cash generators and pump them out factory-style like some sort of obscene musical meat carnival. This is why I can't stand K-Pop. I need music that at least has a hint of passion. K-Pop and a lot of hip-hop in general now just doesn't appeal to me. It's word and beats without meaning and soul behind it. I like to think I have a good sense of when there is passion behind music. Of course, this is all my personal preference. Everyone has their taste in music. I'm sure many people don't enjoy dubstep but I feel that has soul to it. Has lots of crazy in it. Wompwompwomp
*Finding happiness in other people's happiness has been one of the things that gave me a much better attitude in life. It's so simple. Before, if a customer asked for something complicated, I would do things that give off a bad vibe. As Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes once said, "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." And I thought it was true. It felt bad-good to make others in a bad mood. Nowadays, I'll stop myself because I realize that helping people get what they want and going a little further than that is good. Especially when the person recognizes that you did more than you had to. You'll get a little smile from them. That's when you know you brightened their day even if it is just a little. Spreading good vibes is much better than spreading bad vibes.
Much of my youth was spent playing video games. I used to regret not going outside and enjoying the outdoors, but not anymore. I realized I don't have the passion for gaming like I used to. When I was a kid my imagination was crazy and made video games that much better. I just remember being so sucked into a world where anything was possible when I was playing computer games. One day I'd be slaying dragons and saving villagers. Another, I'd be on Mars in a mech suit chasing down robot aliens as I commanded my squad mates to focus fire on one target. A common theme among the games I played back then was that they all had lots of action and a good story. Thinking back on it, I can remember the heartache I felt if a main character was killed, an ally was actually an enemy a feeling of being backstabbed and the anger I felt towards them after trusting, the rush of being in a massive battle, or having a 300 moment where I was heavily outnumbered. I have neither the patience nor time for these games anymore. People do say that we become young again in some way when we're older. Maybe I'll regain my patience and have lots of spare time to play again. But I'd much rather travel muahahhahaha.
All you need is love has never meant much to me until the past couple months. Not to say that I'm an always loving zombie but I empathize with people much more easily now. It's easier to put myself in their shoes. This kinda goes back to finding happiness in other people's happiness.
Here's a bit of a random thought. I've always kind of wanted to be a teacher. I imagine myself as the teacher that could open up the world to kids. Now, when I think about it, I know I would hate it. School puts too many restrictions on teachers. I could maybe be a college professor but that's too much school for me.
It is now 4:16 and I have wake up in five hours. Longest post for me ever?
I have come out of this summer with a fun version of Mac. Which is macaroo. macaroo was born at Bonnaroo on my 21st birthday. I didn't think much of it at the time but it is a nice way to put a title on how this summer changed me. I must thank Rachel Chiang, Catherine Yi, and Clara Choi for telling macaroo to keep his underoos on at Bonnaroo.
I will kick this off with one of the major points of how this summer changed me. I remember after my first LSD trip that I thought that the supposed spiritual feeling that comes from it would not come to me. Same with Molly. Well, I should've know better than to judge its effects on just one experience. I was definitely right about how it would give me "minor" epiphanies about life to live it easier. Those epiphanies brought new light to such simple things. Like how to appreciate everything. I thought I appreciated how very special life is before but man, this is different. Simple thoughts like how lucky I am to have a group of friends that's been together for what, ten years now? Let me start a new damn paragraph for my people. I'll tell you, drugs can make you APPRECIATE(!!!) things your mind happens to crosses into a thought of something so beautiful you take for granted everyday.
Catholics in general may get a bad wrap because of how their old traditions conflict heavily with modern views, but to me it's been a blessing in disguise. Before Chunjoo, my family skipped me around everywhere. I never had a solid base of friends for long. I was always moving churches so any friends I made there were short-lived. I was always moving houses for whatever reason. Right when I had moved into a house and stayed there for about three years, had a group of neighborhood friends, and was happy, we up and moved again. This was right after elementary school. We moved into a big house and at what cost? I lost the only friends I knew. This was a life lesson to me. I am never going to move when I see my kid has a group of friends to grow up with.
Anyway, after skipping around some more churches my sister started to regularly attend Chunjoo and so my parents sent me there too. Since there's only ONE Korean Catholic church in all of Georgia, and that Catholicism is viewed by many as a waaayy different line of Christianity, it's hard to jump churches after becoming baptized. I even got my damn nickname Mac from here. And so, we grew with each other experiencing life as we all grew older. It was weird looking back on my life with a new perspective. I can't even put this in words. I just remember about a week ago I was having a conversation on Molly about how lucky I was to have gone to Chunjoo. How we have all grown up and that we're all still hanging out together and maintaining a close relationship. I had this unique feeling of how we were a tribe together, just riding out the big trip that is life. It was a beautiful thought that I would have these people behind me no matter what the circumstance. This is going to sound crazy, but I'm glad we did these drugs.
I don't know about them, but it took my caring and love for the ones I love to another level. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED. Some haters* might say, "Oh, well you took drugs and drugs are bad. Drugs made you feel like that blah blahblahblahblahBLAH." Well fuck you. I don't give a fuck. I don't regret this summer in the least bit. Something I always say goes something like this... Eff. I can't put into words this feeling and saying I always say to myself. I'll give it a shot by thought-puking a sentence right now. The feelings I have from my drug use over the summer were positive ones. So what if it was caused by drugs? It doesn't make the (EXTREMELY) positive effects towards the outlook on life any less real. Hey, thought-puking kinda worked. Yeah, that saying I was talking about always ends with, "... doesn't make it any less real." Works with a lot of things.
Before, I wasn't too sure what I wanted in life. Did I want money, security, status, a reputation, power, materialistic goods, and basically do everything that Korean parents want? Or did I want happiness, adventure, and taking risks in life. Now, this seems like a obvious answer right? Happiness triumphs all, right? Well, actually this probably isn't an obvious answer to all you kids of Korean parents. The pressure stemming from our parents to acquire wealth and to flaunt it is ridiculous. Over the summer I've realized that life is too short to live it without living in happiness. My way of life only works if I believe my parents will find *happiness in my happiness, and I believe they will. It is a bit of a scary thought when I think that they will see me as a failure by pursuing happiness over wealth. I won't need money to be happy so long as I can meet that right person one day.
*Haters are people that can't respect other people's viewpoint. I respect people that respect my decisions and trust that I know what I'm doing. Otherwise, I get this vibe that they think I'm an idiot. This is especially related to drugs. Now, if a hater realizes they are a hater, I think that's okay. Does that make sense?
*I hate how Korean culture is just absorbing American culture. And it's not even taking the good parts. It's taking all the bad parts of American culture and taking it to an extreme x10. I mean come on, they freaking TRAIN people from youth to become pop stars. What the fuck is that? Spartans in ancient Greece trained children from youth to fight to protect their city. Halo trained Master Chief to protect humanity against rebels and aliens. Korean train teenagers to become icons to be used as cash generators and pump them out factory-style like some sort of obscene musical meat carnival. This is why I can't stand K-Pop. I need music that at least has a hint of passion. K-Pop and a lot of hip-hop in general now just doesn't appeal to me. It's word and beats without meaning and soul behind it. I like to think I have a good sense of when there is passion behind music. Of course, this is all my personal preference. Everyone has their taste in music. I'm sure many people don't enjoy dubstep but I feel that has soul to it. Has lots of crazy in it. Wompwompwomp
*Finding happiness in other people's happiness has been one of the things that gave me a much better attitude in life. It's so simple. Before, if a customer asked for something complicated, I would do things that give off a bad vibe. As Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes once said, "Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around." And I thought it was true. It felt bad-good to make others in a bad mood. Nowadays, I'll stop myself because I realize that helping people get what they want and going a little further than that is good. Especially when the person recognizes that you did more than you had to. You'll get a little smile from them. That's when you know you brightened their day even if it is just a little. Spreading good vibes is much better than spreading bad vibes.
Much of my youth was spent playing video games. I used to regret not going outside and enjoying the outdoors, but not anymore. I realized I don't have the passion for gaming like I used to. When I was a kid my imagination was crazy and made video games that much better. I just remember being so sucked into a world where anything was possible when I was playing computer games. One day I'd be slaying dragons and saving villagers. Another, I'd be on Mars in a mech suit chasing down robot aliens as I commanded my squad mates to focus fire on one target. A common theme among the games I played back then was that they all had lots of action and a good story. Thinking back on it, I can remember the heartache I felt if a main character was killed, an ally was actually an enemy a feeling of being backstabbed and the anger I felt towards them after trusting, the rush of being in a massive battle, or having a 300 moment where I was heavily outnumbered. I have neither the patience nor time for these games anymore. People do say that we become young again in some way when we're older. Maybe I'll regain my patience and have lots of spare time to play again. But I'd much rather travel muahahhahaha.
All you need is love has never meant much to me until the past couple months. Not to say that I'm an always loving zombie but I empathize with people much more easily now. It's easier to put myself in their shoes. This kinda goes back to finding happiness in other people's happiness.
Here's a bit of a random thought. I've always kind of wanted to be a teacher. I imagine myself as the teacher that could open up the world to kids. Now, when I think about it, I know I would hate it. School puts too many restrictions on teachers. I could maybe be a college professor but that's too much school for me.
It is now 4:16 and I have wake up in five hours. Longest post for me ever?
Comments
Post a Comment