Rolls and preparation for SWIM's trip
"SWIM"- (S)omeone (W)ho (I)sn't (M)e
///MDMA
So, SWIM has been doing a lot of research on Molly and LSD recently and these two seem to be the "safest" drugs to confront problems, expand SWIM's mind, and to grow spiritually the most with. SWIM has been finding that most people simply don't use these times of altered thought to gain benefits afterwards. While it is fun to simply be fucked up on it and enjoy the little effects, laughter, and feeling, to me, the best part of SWIM's little adventures outside normal thought is being able to think differently. It brings such a clarity to SWIM's normally jumbled thoughts. SWIM's mind is feels like a scattered bunch of thoughts here and there and when he was on Molly SWIM was able to pinpoint exactly how SWIM truly felt, and believed on certain thoughts. It was like a magnet that just collected all of SWIM's thoughts on the topic and let SWIM dissect is piece by piece. The feeling of all communication barriers breaking down and being able to talk about topics that would normally bring anxiety and awkwardness is a great feeling. SWIM is not the type of person who just opens up to anyone, and yet SWIM is dying to tell people how he thinks. So Molly gives SWIM a chance to do just that. MDMA has been used in therapy and counseling before so that couples or family members that had problems that they were unable to talk about in normal circumstances, were able to talk it out under the effects of MDMA. This is one drug that SWIM would love to see become legalized under strict regulations for people with communication barriers. However, getting a prescription could be just as vague as marijuana prescriptions are today. It's good to know that there is a tool that allows such a fluid flow of communication combined with complete empathy and understanding. Interesting thing about MDMA is that SWIM knows SWIM could drive a helluva lot better on MDMA than on weed or alcohol. Complete motor functions and cognitive functions are still there. If you want and need to focus, you can. There is no stumbling around like a drunken retard.
Some effects SWIM noticed while under the effects that SWIM disliked were things like losing focus on the topic at hand rather quickly. This usually only happened when peaking. A couple days after rolling, SWIM had a morning where SWIM had nothing but a bunch of questions about life racing through SWIM's head. It was getting the point where SWIM felt uncomfortable with the amount of thoughts and questions vs. the few answers. SWIM tried to simply tune it out by singing but the questions came back. SWIM is fine now but wonders if this will happen every time, maybe it was just SWIM's mood for the morning. Maybe it was not getting SWIM's morning coffee. SWIM had someone ask SWIM a few questions while on MDMA so that SWIM could do a bit of soul-searching. Was left fundamentally changed on relationships and realized that nothing would do until the time was right. SWIM plans on easing off the thinking the next time SWIM does MDMA so that SWIM can just enjoy the effects of it for one night. SWIM has been thinking too much lately and it weights heavily.
SWIM is glad to have passed a test that SWIM knows he needed. SWIM was offered to do Molly again the past night but he simply passed and felt no regret on doing so. SWIM does not want to fuck up his brain and SWIM researched that MDMA can quickly cause depression and that the first few times will be the best because a lifetime tolerance builds up. MDMA also has legit and very real side effects. The kind that scares the living crap out of me. Long-term depression.
One reason why I never wanted to try ecstasy was because people said that once you felt that happy, nothing would ever be able to match that happiness level again. Well, I can say that this is just flat-out false. I feel happier since having done it. Also, while it is a blissful feeling of euphoria, it's very hard to imagine and remember what it felt like to be so happy. You know it happened, but you can't reconstruct it. Mentally or physically. If anything, it just feels great to know that it is possible to be that happy. Pretty much the ultimate stress reliever. The proverbial Senzu Bean of relieving stress. Only in case of dire emergencies.
///TRIP
Man, writing with "SWIM" is a pain in this ass. Fuck that shit. So, next Monday, in pursuit of increasing my spirituality and increasing self-discovery, I plan on going on an acid trip. Never done it before but I have done shrooms before. People in the know on the internet say that acid is less intense than shrooms. An interesting way someone described it was that shrooms was, "a whirlwind of thoughts racing in the your head that will take you deep down the rabbit hole, where you can face your fundamental instincts, desires, and fears." Acid, on the other hand was said to be, "more like a razor sharp scalpel capable of dissecting your deepest thoughts." While I was on shrooms, my mind was just everywhere and I couldn't really focus on anything for too long, but when I did, it was pretty profound. This was the first psychedelic drug I used and didn't know what to expect at all. If I can handle shrooms when I went in with a bit of a nervous attitude, I know I can handle LSD since I'm going in with the excitement of being able to learn. Apparently there are two things that most affect a person's experience on LSD (and this would seem to apply to shrooms as well.) There is the set and the setting. If either are negative, a trip can very quickly go downhill and turn into a traumatic experience. I like to believe I have a very strong willpower. Hopefully I'm right, in case my trip turns bad. Should be no problem. The set, is the person's mindset before tripping. If they think too negatively before tripping, the negative thoughts will carry on and manifest themselves in shapes. Negative thoughts are a big no-no. The setting, is just that, the area in which the trip takes place. I plan on having my trip with a few other people who can think like I do and at a park. Should be a nice calm, serene setting. I'm not sure what to expect but I'm expecting a complete mindfuck. I'll answer some questions I have and hopefully have an increase spirituality. I fully expect to come out with a greater sense of appreciation for all that I have and all that I am however. It's been like that for every drug that allows for thinking and self-discovery.
Fortunately, the drug that most consider as the best for thinking, has no real side effects. Schizophrenia is purportedly a risk linked with LSD but people who take LSD have the same rate of schizophrenia as the general masses. LSD apparently has a higher chance of magnifying Schizophrenia on people who are already affected with this condition. And I would assume so. Although, it has also been reported to helping relieve schizophrenia. Of all the classes of drugs, I believe the impacts of psychedelics on people in the aftermath vary the most.
Funny thing is, my Facebook picture was what it is before I even started doing all these things. Now that I have the chance, it'll stay up there until I start to do some real self-discovery and answers to contentment in life.
///PASSION(?)
Sometimes I wonder if my passion is self-discovery. I'm not addicted to the drugs per se, I'm addicted to self-discovery. Finding out what is at the core of me. What makes me tick, what I appreciate the most, what types of people I trust the most, who I care for, what I want to do, etc. My only method of self-discovery before MDMA was just late nights with Pandora on Bonobo and blogging my thoughts. Something about late hours and Bonobo made me think. Problem was, it was always such a slow process and I got so little out of it. Rarely did I discover something that left an imprint on my life the next day. When it did however, it felt great. MDMA was like a jolt that sped up my thought process and cut straight to the facts. I'm expecting more or less the same from LSD in terms of finding things out. Going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Maybe this is a phase, maybe this is just who I am. Seems like a good question to ask myself later.
This is a pretty damn long post. The chance of self-discovery on a level where everything is an epiphany has me too excited. I've always wanted to go deeper into my thoughts and viewed any drugs outside of natural ones as just plain bad. Bonnaroo put me in a setting where I let my guard down and I'm glad for it. I am 99% sure I won't get addicted simply because to waste any time of life on simple bits of molecules would be a travesty.
"The problems posed by LSD, for example, in some
ways resemble those presented by scuba diving.
Each is seen as a form of exploration that opens
new vistas. Hence participants often find the
activity enormously stimulating and inspiring.
Each activity poses a small but significant risk
of serious personal harm, these being death in one
and aggravation of pre-existing states of mental
instability for the other. Untrained,
unsupervised use of unchecked substances or
equipment are ill-advised in both cases." -Richard Blum
///QUESTIONS & TO-DO
1)Is my experimenting with drugs at this time simply a phase or something I will use throughout my lifetime to seek answers in times of need?
2)What do I want from life?
3)Look at the clouds
4)Roll around on the grass
5)Why don't I care about my parents the way I should?
6)Why am I selfish?
7)Listen to music
8)
///MDMA
So, SWIM has been doing a lot of research on Molly and LSD recently and these two seem to be the "safest" drugs to confront problems, expand SWIM's mind, and to grow spiritually the most with. SWIM has been finding that most people simply don't use these times of altered thought to gain benefits afterwards. While it is fun to simply be fucked up on it and enjoy the little effects, laughter, and feeling, to me, the best part of SWIM's little adventures outside normal thought is being able to think differently. It brings such a clarity to SWIM's normally jumbled thoughts. SWIM's mind is feels like a scattered bunch of thoughts here and there and when he was on Molly SWIM was able to pinpoint exactly how SWIM truly felt, and believed on certain thoughts. It was like a magnet that just collected all of SWIM's thoughts on the topic and let SWIM dissect is piece by piece. The feeling of all communication barriers breaking down and being able to talk about topics that would normally bring anxiety and awkwardness is a great feeling. SWIM is not the type of person who just opens up to anyone, and yet SWIM is dying to tell people how he thinks. So Molly gives SWIM a chance to do just that. MDMA has been used in therapy and counseling before so that couples or family members that had problems that they were unable to talk about in normal circumstances, were able to talk it out under the effects of MDMA. This is one drug that SWIM would love to see become legalized under strict regulations for people with communication barriers. However, getting a prescription could be just as vague as marijuana prescriptions are today. It's good to know that there is a tool that allows such a fluid flow of communication combined with complete empathy and understanding. Interesting thing about MDMA is that SWIM knows SWIM could drive a helluva lot better on MDMA than on weed or alcohol. Complete motor functions and cognitive functions are still there. If you want and need to focus, you can. There is no stumbling around like a drunken retard.
Some effects SWIM noticed while under the effects that SWIM disliked were things like losing focus on the topic at hand rather quickly. This usually only happened when peaking. A couple days after rolling, SWIM had a morning where SWIM had nothing but a bunch of questions about life racing through SWIM's head. It was getting the point where SWIM felt uncomfortable with the amount of thoughts and questions vs. the few answers. SWIM tried to simply tune it out by singing but the questions came back. SWIM is fine now but wonders if this will happen every time, maybe it was just SWIM's mood for the morning. Maybe it was not getting SWIM's morning coffee. SWIM had someone ask SWIM a few questions while on MDMA so that SWIM could do a bit of soul-searching. Was left fundamentally changed on relationships and realized that nothing would do until the time was right. SWIM plans on easing off the thinking the next time SWIM does MDMA so that SWIM can just enjoy the effects of it for one night. SWIM has been thinking too much lately and it weights heavily.
SWIM is glad to have passed a test that SWIM knows he needed. SWIM was offered to do Molly again the past night but he simply passed and felt no regret on doing so. SWIM does not want to fuck up his brain and SWIM researched that MDMA can quickly cause depression and that the first few times will be the best because a lifetime tolerance builds up. MDMA also has legit and very real side effects. The kind that scares the living crap out of me. Long-term depression.
One reason why I never wanted to try ecstasy was because people said that once you felt that happy, nothing would ever be able to match that happiness level again. Well, I can say that this is just flat-out false. I feel happier since having done it. Also, while it is a blissful feeling of euphoria, it's very hard to imagine and remember what it felt like to be so happy. You know it happened, but you can't reconstruct it. Mentally or physically. If anything, it just feels great to know that it is possible to be that happy. Pretty much the ultimate stress reliever. The proverbial Senzu Bean of relieving stress. Only in case of dire emergencies.
///TRIP
Man, writing with "SWIM" is a pain in this ass. Fuck that shit. So, next Monday, in pursuit of increasing my spirituality and increasing self-discovery, I plan on going on an acid trip. Never done it before but I have done shrooms before. People in the know on the internet say that acid is less intense than shrooms. An interesting way someone described it was that shrooms was, "a whirlwind of thoughts racing in the your head that will take you deep down the rabbit hole, where you can face your fundamental instincts, desires, and fears." Acid, on the other hand was said to be, "more like a razor sharp scalpel capable of dissecting your deepest thoughts." While I was on shrooms, my mind was just everywhere and I couldn't really focus on anything for too long, but when I did, it was pretty profound. This was the first psychedelic drug I used and didn't know what to expect at all. If I can handle shrooms when I went in with a bit of a nervous attitude, I know I can handle LSD since I'm going in with the excitement of being able to learn. Apparently there are two things that most affect a person's experience on LSD (and this would seem to apply to shrooms as well.) There is the set and the setting. If either are negative, a trip can very quickly go downhill and turn into a traumatic experience. I like to believe I have a very strong willpower. Hopefully I'm right, in case my trip turns bad. Should be no problem. The set, is the person's mindset before tripping. If they think too negatively before tripping, the negative thoughts will carry on and manifest themselves in shapes. Negative thoughts are a big no-no. The setting, is just that, the area in which the trip takes place. I plan on having my trip with a few other people who can think like I do and at a park. Should be a nice calm, serene setting. I'm not sure what to expect but I'm expecting a complete mindfuck. I'll answer some questions I have and hopefully have an increase spirituality. I fully expect to come out with a greater sense of appreciation for all that I have and all that I am however. It's been like that for every drug that allows for thinking and self-discovery.
Fortunately, the drug that most consider as the best for thinking, has no real side effects. Schizophrenia is purportedly a risk linked with LSD but people who take LSD have the same rate of schizophrenia as the general masses. LSD apparently has a higher chance of magnifying Schizophrenia on people who are already affected with this condition. And I would assume so. Although, it has also been reported to helping relieve schizophrenia. Of all the classes of drugs, I believe the impacts of psychedelics on people in the aftermath vary the most.
Funny thing is, my Facebook picture was what it is before I even started doing all these things. Now that I have the chance, it'll stay up there until I start to do some real self-discovery and answers to contentment in life.
///PASSION(?)
Sometimes I wonder if my passion is self-discovery. I'm not addicted to the drugs per se, I'm addicted to self-discovery. Finding out what is at the core of me. What makes me tick, what I appreciate the most, what types of people I trust the most, who I care for, what I want to do, etc. My only method of self-discovery before MDMA was just late nights with Pandora on Bonobo and blogging my thoughts. Something about late hours and Bonobo made me think. Problem was, it was always such a slow process and I got so little out of it. Rarely did I discover something that left an imprint on my life the next day. When it did however, it felt great. MDMA was like a jolt that sped up my thought process and cut straight to the facts. I'm expecting more or less the same from LSD in terms of finding things out. Going deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. Maybe this is a phase, maybe this is just who I am. Seems like a good question to ask myself later.
This is a pretty damn long post. The chance of self-discovery on a level where everything is an epiphany has me too excited. I've always wanted to go deeper into my thoughts and viewed any drugs outside of natural ones as just plain bad. Bonnaroo put me in a setting where I let my guard down and I'm glad for it. I am 99% sure I won't get addicted simply because to waste any time of life on simple bits of molecules would be a travesty.
"The problems posed by LSD, for example, in some
ways resemble those presented by scuba diving.
Each is seen as a form of exploration that opens
new vistas. Hence participants often find the
activity enormously stimulating and inspiring.
Each activity poses a small but significant risk
of serious personal harm, these being death in one
and aggravation of pre-existing states of mental
instability for the other. Untrained,
unsupervised use of unchecked substances or
equipment are ill-advised in both cases." -Richard Blum
///QUESTIONS & TO-DO
1)Is my experimenting with drugs at this time simply a phase or something I will use throughout my lifetime to seek answers in times of need?
2)What do I want from life?
3)Look at the clouds
4)Roll around on the grass
5)Why don't I care about my parents the way I should?
6)Why am I selfish?
7)Listen to music
8)
Comments
Post a Comment