CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON

///BUTTONS

What an interesting movie. Re-watched it for the first time in I don't know how long. People talk about movies that ooze and instill wanderlust in others and I've never seen Benjamin Button in any of those lists. And yet, I'd have to say this is one of the most 'lost soul' adventure movies I've seen. He never knows quite what to do as he has no basis on which to live his life. He has no blueprint. He has no ties. The whole movie he's just figuring out what it is he wants and meets interesting characters throughout. Made me want to get into deep conversations with strangers. Not about philosophy. Not about politics. Just to hear what their aspirations were/are and to verbalize internal feelings out into the external world of another's ears/mind. You leave a piece and I'll leave a piece. Visit a new city and get lost. [nighttime persona sees me as a calm soul when i adventure. in practice, i put on the mask of an extrovert. at least i attempt to] 

Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how a movie almost three hours long can feel like it didn't have much substance. Large gaps in his life where not much is said about it besides girls, sailing, etc. I guess the main story arc is just him figuring out how to cope with reverse aging and the romance with Daisy. Man, one day I'll have a (not too) crappy place to call home. There'll be a girl and we'll just bullshit and party. Chill. Grow old. Ha.

Trying hard not to look for this person.


///INTEREST

It's silly how I act around people I'm actually interested in. Or rather, even in people I know might have an interest in me. If I think they have an interest in me but I don't quite have an interest, I'm super comfortable around them to points of light flirting. I probably get them the idea that I might be interested but I don't. A situation like this would be easier if most types like this wasn't ingrained within friend groups. It'd be easier if I could stop interactions after it was all done.

At the other end, I have the girls that I actually do like and if I know they have an interest in me, it gets worse and I simply can't be myself. It's a terrible thing really. I've missed out on quite a few opportunities over the years because of this persona.

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