SROWTH & FRANS

///FRIENDS

Just came back from Fox Bros BBQ with the Baker crew + Lucy + Luke. [lucy luke... interesting] I had above average interest in seeing them since it had been so long. Sat in my car just kind of hangry for a bit. Eh, more like hangronnoyed. Waited until I saw Maya walk around the corner with her little satchel. I got a little anxious [i am writing this thing like it's a damn dream journal. let's just get to my thoughts] which seemed normal for me. Popped out and gave her a hug with some small talk. Stood around and then the others started to trickle in. Sat down, ordered our food and beer and then came the awesome vibes. 

We talked about what we had upcoming and of course previous trips. Most of the talk was of Baker since we were all from that but man, the energy there was just electric. I felt so comfortable with them and was just taken into a mode of System 1 in the pure moment. I didn't have any worries feelings except elation. 

I dunno. Getting on the Baker trip was probably one of the top three things to happen to me as it's still paying dividends in being a moment in life. Future memories and good times with chemistry between everyone. Hearing Carson talk about the dynamic in the other group was interesting in that it's not nearly the same. They're older while we're still young and full of life. They have jobs and such while we're still finishing school or in transition to jobs. [i'm not but i actually didn't feel (too) bad as i normally do]

Fucking awesome people.

///SPROWTH

Where has all this positive energy been coming from? I've fucking started to sing again as well as dance in my car. I haven't done that in a while. At least not for multiple days straight while it was genuinely from my heart/soul. Feels nice to listen to some indie songs like Cage the Elephant, Grouplove, Modest Mouse, etc. and just belch out the lyrics with the windows down and my hand slapping the side of the car along with the beat. The chorus resonates through me/car and just chills (chi?) run through my body. I've been jamming out hard to Bassnectar recently again too. It's amazing how much the frequencies/vibrations just make me goooooo. It's so fun. I just listen to the tunes and imagine (even eyes open) looking around the arena/concert/crowd just all in one flow strung together by Lorin. Who created this Man? The community he's created is insane and anyone who's ever felt it has felt an instant connection with anyone else in the Nectar family. Hell, I saw a chick at one of my tables (pretty cute) the other day with a Bassnectar tie-dye shirt on. Pointed it out and said hell yeah. Ended up buying her, her mom, and other lady some food, cuz Nectar fam. Her mom seemed pretty supportive and amazingly open-minded since she said she was thinking about going to the next show.

Anyway, back again on to this energy that's been flowing through me before. I haven't been on Path for a while, years on years even, and it feels like it's suddenly back in my life. I feel a certain sense of purpose which is predicated on reaching "Enlightenment." I'm not sure that I really do want true Enlightenment because to me, it sounds a bit of a zombie. Like, a lightbeing-zombie. Yeah. I definitely follow Path and will use many of the techniques/practices in order to grow but a bit of trailblazing will be done to reach a summit I see fit. Some reasons why I think I have this flow of energy lately:

• It is Springtime. I don't remember if I feel like this every year when the weather's nice but man, the weather sure does give me a huge boost up. Winter is the season of death for many things in Nature. Animals die, plants die, people get sick/die, and few actually prosper under these frigid conditions. I was able to go on a hike recently for some nice exercise and sleep and this may have helped my Root Chakra balance itself. [i should also write a blog on my thoughts on charkas since it's all new to me.] Spring is rebirth. 
• I took a 5-HTP a couple days ago. I thought it might have affected me. Maybe not since I still felt great today. [i do need to stop wondering where my 'feel good' feels went when it disappears for times. i just keep thinking, "was it the h5tp? coffee? sleep? tired? what is it?" it helps nothing and i actually did feel the feels come back later all the same]
• Not drinking. It's been a few days (okay, I had one beer I didn't even finish tonight) since I've had a drink. I wake up feeling more refreshed. I wake up no hungover/groggy/tired. I have the night to actually spend time thinking and (attempt) to being productive. [hehe, I'm being productive right now. let's see where i can go with this] [just pooted 3/10] It probably helps again that I don't have all these toxins. Also interesting how Spleen Chakra is tied in with being imbalanced by drug/alcohol abuse. So, it's a definite possibility with the powers combined, my two chakras formed CAPTAIN CHAKRA HE'S OUR HERO!!! -___-
• Taking ketamine on Sunday. I think this may be the most likely reason why. The psychedelic experience whilst having conversation with Daniel & Chaz was... uplifting. I felt reconnected to the universe at times so I was able to touch on what I've been missing. I cried because it had left such a huge hole in my spirit/soul that I had been pining to fill. I hadn't been truly happy for a while. This trip helped me put things into perspective once again how we're all in it together to create and conquer. 

I don't know. Whatever it is. It feels great and I just feel on top of the world. I haven't played any video games and was actually decently productive today. Bought a bunch of food to eat healthier and plan on continuing any projects I have going on. I need to get my baseline lifestyle set before I even think about other things. 

My wanderlust is creeping back and I don't want to lose it so I'm just nurturing it as it seeps back into my soul. I want it but I don't want to flood it.

[it's funny how more... vocabularically i can write if i imagine i were writing to an audience. see, i even made a new word]

[don't forget to write on chakras boo]