Being Single

///BEING SINGLE (a bit tipsy and a bit high)
           So here I am just jamming out to dubstep at three in the morning (2:59 A.M.) and having a good time about it. Got me wondering if I really do need (well I guess I've already done known for a while I don't) a girlfriend. I am pretty content with who I am and knowing that I need to grow for myself as a person before I pursue any relationship. I perhaps am starting to understand it as well. This might mark the beginning of me starting to be ready for a relationship. But not at all yet. I wouldn't be able to think that someone could love me as I am even though I know someone would. (Just got lost into Zeds Dead- Rude Boy for a good minute.) I want to get a good career and security before I do anything really. "I think you have commitment issues," she said. I believe it. Something about me mayne just can't do it. 
             I am an ever increasingly self-conscious person (I need to fix this shit, fast). I notice things I haven't noticed before about myself. A bigger forehead, a bigger head, a bigger nose, amongst other things. It's getting silly how much my awareness of the world is more about my imperfections lately than being comfortable with what I have already.

Mantras that seem to help cope with my life and increasing self-awareness:

Stoicism
Deciding between either inaction or action but not staying in a state of perpetual indecision
Spiritual alchemy
This is the youngest I'll ever be and the oldest I've ever been

Next time topics:
infatuation, i got it under control?
my laziness, get to the root of it
lucid dreaming, start reality checks
drinking/drugs, relatively not a problem but for me


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