kiddy thoughts 01

gonna start a bunch of entries of weird things that i remember thinking of when i was younger. before all this realization and consciousness. things that i can look back on and really see how my thinking was odd and different from others.

i used to play with my mind as a kid and see how when i repeated a word or something over and over in my head i could forget for a few instances what i was trying to remember. i would simply say 'forget forget forget.' and whatever i was trying to remember would just disappear in my head for those instances when i said the word. it was a strange thing that i enjoyed doing every now and then.

had an epiphany one day realizing that no matter what i did this life, i would never be able to live through the eyes of another person. as a female, as a dog, as a cat, as a black, as a white, or whatever else. it led to the strangest sensation and sadness in me that this is all i had. kind of a blessing now i guess.

i would lay in bed and sometimes i could close my eyes and make myself feel really small. like the room suddenly got immensely huge and i was nothing but a speck. it was fun to do and just really blew my mind every time i managed to do so. i should try to do this more often to make myself better appreciate how little everything matters in the grand scheme of things in a positive way.

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