I wonder...
///LATE NIGHT
I wonder what it is about the late hours after midnight that makes me feel so insightful and at ease. Maybe it's because I'm a little bit delirious from keeping myself awake despite feeling my eyes feel heavy and tired, my body just slumping in my chair from fatigue, and my stomach grumbling for a fourth meal. I'm a person that likes to analyze people by their every action. I can't turn it off. So maybe, I'm so calm and at peace because if I can't turn myself off, I know everyone else is turned off in their sleep. Knowing that everyone is asleep it's just me and my immediate surroundings. I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out but I don't know why it is. Calm music just sounds better, makes me want to write, do something creative.
It's crazy how music affects a persons mood and energy so instantly. I don't think people realize it as much as they should. It's pretty obvious and most people will say that it's stating the obvious but there's a different between knowing something and fundamentally understanding the same idea by breaking down the idea. Understanding an idea to varying levels can change your life. Such a simple saying like, "life's too short to be angry" is pretty much known to everyone. There's even mainstream YOLO that everyone knows now that it's become somewhat of a meme to say it. Yes, we only live once, so DO SOMETHING with it. Make this life an adventure. Do something great. Make your life a storybook, a fairy tale, one that you would love to read about in a book. Who would want to read about a main character in the book that was born, went to school, fell in love, had a family, retired, and one day had regret over past missed adventure? Every day should have one memorable moment or else consider it a wasted day. Don't be cookie cutter. Be different. Do outrageous things that society would laugh at you for.
///MEMORIES
One thing I've noticed about dreams in the past is that the ones that left the biggest imprint on my memory were that one's that had a sudden spark in emotion. Whether it was fear, love, hate, stress, sadness, or awe those were the moments in the dreams that I remembered the most once I awoke. So it got me thinking, if that's true in dreams, is that true of our waking life memories too? I dug around my memories of past and found that they were all sparked by emotion. Sure, I can remember a memory of relatively little emotion from a day or two but anything further beyond has a emotional time stamp period that anchors the memory.
And so, I took this into some of the times I was under the influence of drugs as well. Under MDMA the memories are so great during the present time and afterwards, the memory is still good BUT a good night on MDMA still fades and is just as comparable as a good night with friends drinking, a good sober heart to heart conversation, or accomplishing a new level of mastery in longboarding or something. I began to wonder if I could make the memory imprint of a night on Molly by varying the emotions throughout the night instead of just being a little energizer bunny. Usually time would go by super fast on a roll but when I varied my actions from talking, to dancing, to sitting and enjoying the music, it didn't go as fast. Which was interesting.
Anyway, trying to recall sad memories seem to be harder to find unless it was a pretty traumatic experience. Not sure what this really means. I would like to think that we remember those bad memories because we grew from them or because we have yet to grow from them if that makes sense. Fear is just as prevalent as sad memories. Anger less than those. Any other emotions I am too lazy to try to dig up. PUAHAHAHAAHdhgsdjf.
I've forgotten how easy it is to be apathetic. I've forgotten how much positive energy it brings in to me to have conversations with people instead of beating myself up for being awkward and bringing in negative energy. Just slap a smile on my face and talk.
Adieu I'm getting sleepy.
I wonder what it is about the late hours after midnight that makes me feel so insightful and at ease. Maybe it's because I'm a little bit delirious from keeping myself awake despite feeling my eyes feel heavy and tired, my body just slumping in my chair from fatigue, and my stomach grumbling for a fourth meal. I'm a person that likes to analyze people by their every action. I can't turn it off. So maybe, I'm so calm and at peace because if I can't turn myself off, I know everyone else is turned off in their sleep. Knowing that everyone is asleep it's just me and my immediate surroundings. I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out but I don't know why it is. Calm music just sounds better, makes me want to write, do something creative.
It's crazy how music affects a persons mood and energy so instantly. I don't think people realize it as much as they should. It's pretty obvious and most people will say that it's stating the obvious but there's a different between knowing something and fundamentally understanding the same idea by breaking down the idea. Understanding an idea to varying levels can change your life. Such a simple saying like, "life's too short to be angry" is pretty much known to everyone. There's even mainstream YOLO that everyone knows now that it's become somewhat of a meme to say it. Yes, we only live once, so DO SOMETHING with it. Make this life an adventure. Do something great. Make your life a storybook, a fairy tale, one that you would love to read about in a book. Who would want to read about a main character in the book that was born, went to school, fell in love, had a family, retired, and one day had regret over past missed adventure? Every day should have one memorable moment or else consider it a wasted day. Don't be cookie cutter. Be different. Do outrageous things that society would laugh at you for.
///MEMORIES
One thing I've noticed about dreams in the past is that the ones that left the biggest imprint on my memory were that one's that had a sudden spark in emotion. Whether it was fear, love, hate, stress, sadness, or awe those were the moments in the dreams that I remembered the most once I awoke. So it got me thinking, if that's true in dreams, is that true of our waking life memories too? I dug around my memories of past and found that they were all sparked by emotion. Sure, I can remember a memory of relatively little emotion from a day or two but anything further beyond has a emotional time stamp period that anchors the memory.
And so, I took this into some of the times I was under the influence of drugs as well. Under MDMA the memories are so great during the present time and afterwards, the memory is still good BUT a good night on MDMA still fades and is just as comparable as a good night with friends drinking, a good sober heart to heart conversation, or accomplishing a new level of mastery in longboarding or something. I began to wonder if I could make the memory imprint of a night on Molly by varying the emotions throughout the night instead of just being a little energizer bunny. Usually time would go by super fast on a roll but when I varied my actions from talking, to dancing, to sitting and enjoying the music, it didn't go as fast. Which was interesting.
Anyway, trying to recall sad memories seem to be harder to find unless it was a pretty traumatic experience. Not sure what this really means. I would like to think that we remember those bad memories because we grew from them or because we have yet to grow from them if that makes sense. Fear is just as prevalent as sad memories. Anger less than those. Any other emotions I am too lazy to try to dig up. PUAHAHAHAAHdhgsdjf.
I've forgotten how easy it is to be apathetic. I've forgotten how much positive energy it brings in to me to have conversations with people instead of beating myself up for being awkward and bringing in negative energy. Just slap a smile on my face and talk.
Adieu I'm getting sleepy.
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