///ALLIE LERV

///LERV

How can I love when I am both incapable of believing I can be True Loved as well as being incapable of loving another in the same way?

///ALLIE-1
     So, started dating Allie. This beautiful Jamaican chick who is a few months short of twenty years old. Not sure what to think of all this but it's funny how I always end up watching 500 Days of Summer after I start dating someone to gain a different perspective on both the movie and my current situation. This time, I definitely side with Summer more than Tom. Or maybe both me and Allie are Summer? That could be true too. Funny to see how the first few months of  Tom and Summer were filled with silly little antics like we're going through. Fun funny drole.

Allie is currently (it's been like two-three weeks) a perfect blend of personality, cute and non-relation status. She's also the first girl I started to date without feeling an intense infatuation/love/head over heels for. [I could probably thank Erin for that since I realized just how lacking I am in relationship skills] It's strange and I can't help but wonder if I don't have infatuation because I've (we've) got each other's attention for now. 

This whole thing I got going on should be fun. I don't feel like I could fall in love with her. Not that I can see any major flaws but she's just coming out of high school and I know how transformative the early twenties are. Music is also huge. I hope to show her the type of intricate and textured sounds I love so much. 

I also need to use this relationship as a study on myself. I need to learn what it is that I want to share with others and how to express it freely. She's a nutcracker trying to pick my brain but I need to learn how to share what I've learned otherwise I'm going to lose it. I've already been feeling like it's been leaking out over the years. What I learned and believe is still there but just buried under all the bullshit of every day life lately. Not much growth has occurred as of late. Use this relationship as a springboard hopefully.

I hope to be a fun chapter in her life as much as I hope she can be to mine. 

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