Nothing matters
///NOTHING MATTERS
"A phrase that simultaneously juxtaposes the pure ecstacy of conscious life with the insufferable depression of death."
Posted that on Tumblr a few days ago and it hit me right in the feels. Pretty proud of the wording of it too. man it feels nice to write in my blog huh. The phrase is a perfect yin-and-yang. In the happier sense, it give me the strength to go out and feel like I can do anything because this life is all we've got. Live it. In a more depressing way, everything is so pointless because death is always looming, so why even start? It's definitely an anxiety-inducing thought. Easy to be torn either way. I definitely lean more towards the happier side but not through thinking about it but because it's just more the way I am. Life would probably be better if I became more salient about the strength it potentially give me throughout the day. I've stopped centering myself at random points in the day to keep a clear and focused head. Stopping to think about the happiness of 'nothing matters' throughout the day should be a goal for myself. Hopefully it'll help with my lack of focus towards staying off social media/NBA websites...
///COMPUTER ADDICTION
Regarding my previous entry, I'mpretty very pathetic. I sit at my computer knowing that what I'm doing adds absolutely nothing to my intellect or goals but I'll continue to stay on YouTube or Facebook or Reddit for hours on end. Why? whywhywhywhywhy? I've somewhat started to see it much much more as an addiction than anything. I see now why many people have this idea in their head that, "Oh, I can stop anytime I want to, but just one more." There are plenty of preconceived notions that addictions are related to mainly drugs, gambling, sex, etc., but my addiction to the internet is wholly debilitating all the same. It's keeping me from who I'm trying to be. Tearing myself away from the computer may be is as massive obstacle in front of me right now. The feeling of just sitting and hoping to find that next decent link to feed my addiction is maddening.
Another problem is attempting to sleep earlier. I'll tell myself I'll go to sleep earlier and usually I do make it to an early enough time that I could go to bed, read, and pass out. Unfortunately, as stated previously, I'll just keep surfing the web, finding any reason to stay up. At first I thought it was my annoyance have doing nothing as I fell asleep except for waiting to fall asleep but I'm starting to realize it's directly related to my addiction. I've already written so much in fifteen minutes, jeez. I'm starting to not trust myself in my ability to change, but I've already lost if I say that so I can't, right?
positive notes!
"A phrase that simultaneously juxtaposes the pure ecstacy of conscious life with the insufferable depression of death."
Posted that on Tumblr a few days ago and it hit me right in the feels. Pretty proud of the wording of it too. man it feels nice to write in my blog huh. The phrase is a perfect yin-and-yang. In the happier sense, it give me the strength to go out and feel like I can do anything because this life is all we've got. Live it. In a more depressing way, everything is so pointless because death is always looming, so why even start? It's definitely an anxiety-inducing thought. Easy to be torn either way. I definitely lean more towards the happier side but not through thinking about it but because it's just more the way I am. Life would probably be better if I became more salient about the strength it potentially give me throughout the day. I've stopped centering myself at random points in the day to keep a clear and focused head. Stopping to think about the happiness of 'nothing matters' throughout the day should be a goal for myself. Hopefully it'll help with my lack of focus towards staying off social media/NBA websites...
///COMPUTER ADDICTION
Regarding my previous entry, I'm
Another problem is attempting to sleep earlier. I'll tell myself I'll go to sleep earlier and usually I do make it to an early enough time that I could go to bed, read, and pass out. Unfortunately, as stated previously, I'll just keep surfing the web, finding any reason to stay up. At first I thought it was my annoyance have doing nothing as I fell asleep except for waiting to fall asleep but I'm starting to realize it's directly related to my addiction. I've already written so much in fifteen minutes, jeez. I'm starting to not trust myself in my ability to change, but I've already lost if I say that so I can't, right?
positive notes!
- i've stopped drinking a lot
- i've stopped smoking weed when i drink
- i've stopped driving home after drinking...
- started to incorporate much more cardio in my workouts
- started to read a lot more (but still not enough)
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