What is it that I'm looking for?
///FUTURE
Been a while since I've tried to look at my life at an over-the-shoulder type of view. I feel I've come such a long way and my dream is so close but I can hardly grasp it. (Great Gatsby film heh) I thought I knew what I wanted but it always seems that in order to efficiently do what I want to I need money. There has to be another way, right? I don't understand because sometimes I do believe that money will pave the way but other times I believe the infinite energy I, and anyone else, can bring to others is more than enough. The wellspring of inspiration, hope, and love a person can bring. I struggle to find a way to make myself the person I want to become and have the adventure I wish. I need to focus and find a goal that will motivate me to drive myself towards it.
///FOCUS
I continually lack focus. I think I'm getting better towards it but it is a massive uphill battle. The good thing is that I have moments in my day where all I want to do is be productive with writing in my dream journal, working out, reading, etc. but the damn computer is just a black hole of energy wasted. Reddit, Facebook, ESPN, etc. just wreck me. Hours fly by and I am no prouder of what I accomplish throughout. I do click less on random links now but not by much. DotA is a huge time killer as well. Something about MOBA style games are just way too addictive and the compound the problem, it kills hours at a time that fly by like nothing. I really need to get away from the computer... but it will be hard. If I use the internet it should only be to learn about things that truly interest me intrinsically. Things like psychology, philosophy, tutorials on things I want to learn, and even photography. I wish I truly could get back into lucid dreaming instead of just being a charlatan about it. Yes, I have done it in the past and knowledge of it makes it easy to boast as if I still do but man... I need to get back to lucid dreaming. I tell others, "Why not?" and yet here I am. A hypocrite.
///POSITIVE EXISTENTIALISM
Unfortunately, I think I was rolling a little bit from the sass that night because I only talk pretty intellectually convincing when I'm like (FRUSTRATING!!!!) but when (fuck that is really frustrating! why am I like that...) I did talk that night I came up with positive existentialism. Existentialism has a negative stigma to it that makes anyone who thinks about it come up with only depressive thoughts making them think that life is pointless. In my counter-argument, the crux of it is that there is positive existentialism. Since we're here, why not do our best to only bring happiness and positive energy into the world? What good comes out of even slightly negative interactions? Nothing that's what. At worst I would say to leave any interaction with even a minute positive vibe.
///SOUL & PSYCHOLOGY
I used to believe so heavily in the fact that all humans acted based solely on energies, vibes, and spiritual connection but studying psychology so much lately makes me believe otherwise. I definitely still believe that there is a spiritual level that there people can attain but there is simply a homunculus in our head that we must surpass in order to understand when a true spiritual connection surfaces. Hmmm...
Been a while since I've tried to look at my life at an over-the-shoulder type of view. I feel I've come such a long way and my dream is so close but I can hardly grasp it. (Great Gatsby film heh) I thought I knew what I wanted but it always seems that in order to efficiently do what I want to I need money. There has to be another way, right? I don't understand because sometimes I do believe that money will pave the way but other times I believe the infinite energy I, and anyone else, can bring to others is more than enough. The wellspring of inspiration, hope, and love a person can bring. I struggle to find a way to make myself the person I want to become and have the adventure I wish. I need to focus and find a goal that will motivate me to drive myself towards it.
///FOCUS
I continually lack focus. I think I'm getting better towards it but it is a massive uphill battle. The good thing is that I have moments in my day where all I want to do is be productive with writing in my dream journal, working out, reading, etc. but the damn computer is just a black hole of energy wasted. Reddit, Facebook, ESPN, etc. just wreck me. Hours fly by and I am no prouder of what I accomplish throughout. I do click less on random links now but not by much. DotA is a huge time killer as well. Something about MOBA style games are just way too addictive and the compound the problem, it kills hours at a time that fly by like nothing. I really need to get away from the computer... but it will be hard. If I use the internet it should only be to learn about things that truly interest me intrinsically. Things like psychology, philosophy, tutorials on things I want to learn, and even photography. I wish I truly could get back into lucid dreaming instead of just being a charlatan about it. Yes, I have done it in the past and knowledge of it makes it easy to boast as if I still do but man... I need to get back to lucid dreaming. I tell others, "Why not?" and yet here I am. A hypocrite.
///POSITIVE EXISTENTIALISM
Unfortunately, I think I was rolling a little bit from the sass that night because I only talk pretty intellectually convincing when I'm like (FRUSTRATING!!!!) but when (fuck that is really frustrating! why am I like that...) I did talk that night I came up with positive existentialism. Existentialism has a negative stigma to it that makes anyone who thinks about it come up with only depressive thoughts making them think that life is pointless. In my counter-argument, the crux of it is that there is positive existentialism. Since we're here, why not do our best to only bring happiness and positive energy into the world? What good comes out of even slightly negative interactions? Nothing that's what. At worst I would say to leave any interaction with even a minute positive vibe.
///SOUL & PSYCHOLOGY
I used to believe so heavily in the fact that all humans acted based solely on energies, vibes, and spiritual connection but studying psychology so much lately makes me believe otherwise. I definitely still believe that there is a spiritual level that there people can attain but there is simply a homunculus in our head that we must surpass in order to understand when a true spiritual connection surfaces. Hmmm...
Comments
Post a Comment