///BONDS
So, I have a theory that adversity with someone close to you will cause both yourself and the other person to strengthen bonds with other relationships in order to fill the void left by that person. Decided to test this out on my co-manager since he was starting to get on my nerves too much. I put him on the silent treatment and ignore him and give terse responses, only talking to him when I need to. I hope it's working between him and his fiance. I think it is. He probably tells his stress to her because she's the only ear he has and in their hatred towards me they bond! Yay! And sooner or later, I'll just say I'm tired of not talking and we'll be cool again. If it works out. If it doesn't, I'm fucked. Oh well.
I need to boost my creativity. I am sorely lacking in this area. And I have no idea where to start except to just do it.
///HAPPY SAD
I think I'm bipolar to a certain extent. It's ridiculous how out of whack my emotions are. One second I can be happy and the next I'm irritated and stressed as shit. It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is going on with me? Was I like this before? These are the problems I have with being so conscious of my mental state at all times. I can't tell whether if it's because I'm tired, because I didn't have coffee, because of molly, because I hate my job, or whatever else. It's probably a combination of a few? I dunno shit is just confusing. Maybe it's the general feeling of uncertainty in my life. I like adventures and curveballs thrown into my day to mix things up but... it's not right. Maybe I'm approaching it the wrong way.
///ICY HOT
Being a kind and warm person is much more rewarding than a lifestyle of apathy and cold interaction with people. Unfortunately for me, I slip into bouts of apathy despite knowing this. I get so tired of it all, tired of hearing everyone's problems. I care too much and my only defense mechanism is to just shut down and not give a fuck. Or else I get way too stressed by trying to fix every else's problem. Too especially true at work. Everyone seems so miserable and I feel like I have the power to fix it but at the same time I don't. Damn work. Being cold and apathetic will coast you throughout the day but is such a bore. Actually being mindful in the present moment and being kind and giving a warm smile to a person feels good. It takes more energy but it's worth it most of the time.
///MOMENTS
"We live in an impoverished present, robbed of its essential qualities: surprise and novelty. The result is boredom. We are like tourists who visit places they have already seen in the brochures: They see nothing new and find only what they expect to find." -Piero Ferrucci from The Power of Kindness
This quote resonated within me the most so far in the book. Very interesting. It was in the chapter on Mindfulness, which is basically being more aware/conscious of your every day life. Taking notice to every detail more often. Meditation of a sort. This quote alone brought me to a new level of consciousness when I read it. Made me realize how important it is to take things in moment by moment. I have nooooo problem with the past. Memories and fun and I toy with them in my head. What's done is done. I realized it was the future that was holding me back the most. I always had expectations of what was to come and it robbed me of the beauty and novelty that resides in the essence of each second. Each moment even now is something new. I can feel myself write this and it feels great. Why? I don't know. But I know it happens because I am mindful of the moment. This quote took me to another level of wanting more out of life and more out of myself. Made it easier to make myself cross that line of doing whatever I want to because it's... right? Good? I dunno the word but I know the feeling.
So, I have a theory that adversity with someone close to you will cause both yourself and the other person to strengthen bonds with other relationships in order to fill the void left by that person. Decided to test this out on my co-manager since he was starting to get on my nerves too much. I put him on the silent treatment and ignore him and give terse responses, only talking to him when I need to. I hope it's working between him and his fiance. I think it is. He probably tells his stress to her because she's the only ear he has and in their hatred towards me they bond! Yay! And sooner or later, I'll just say I'm tired of not talking and we'll be cool again. If it works out. If it doesn't, I'm fucked. Oh well.
I need to boost my creativity. I am sorely lacking in this area. And I have no idea where to start except to just do it.
///HAPPY SAD
I think I'm bipolar to a certain extent. It's ridiculous how out of whack my emotions are. One second I can be happy and the next I'm irritated and stressed as shit. It doesn't make any sense. What the hell is going on with me? Was I like this before? These are the problems I have with being so conscious of my mental state at all times. I can't tell whether if it's because I'm tired, because I didn't have coffee, because of molly, because I hate my job, or whatever else. It's probably a combination of a few? I dunno shit is just confusing. Maybe it's the general feeling of uncertainty in my life. I like adventures and curveballs thrown into my day to mix things up but... it's not right. Maybe I'm approaching it the wrong way.
///ICY HOT
Being a kind and warm person is much more rewarding than a lifestyle of apathy and cold interaction with people. Unfortunately for me, I slip into bouts of apathy despite knowing this. I get so tired of it all, tired of hearing everyone's problems. I care too much and my only defense mechanism is to just shut down and not give a fuck. Or else I get way too stressed by trying to fix every else's problem. Too especially true at work. Everyone seems so miserable and I feel like I have the power to fix it but at the same time I don't. Damn work. Being cold and apathetic will coast you throughout the day but is such a bore. Actually being mindful in the present moment and being kind and giving a warm smile to a person feels good. It takes more energy but it's worth it most of the time.
///MOMENTS
"We live in an impoverished present, robbed of its essential qualities: surprise and novelty. The result is boredom. We are like tourists who visit places they have already seen in the brochures: They see nothing new and find only what they expect to find." -Piero Ferrucci from The Power of Kindness
This quote resonated within me the most so far in the book. Very interesting. It was in the chapter on Mindfulness, which is basically being more aware/conscious of your every day life. Taking notice to every detail more often. Meditation of a sort. This quote alone brought me to a new level of consciousness when I read it. Made me realize how important it is to take things in moment by moment. I have nooooo problem with the past. Memories and fun and I toy with them in my head. What's done is done. I realized it was the future that was holding me back the most. I always had expectations of what was to come and it robbed me of the beauty and novelty that resides in the essence of each second. Each moment even now is something new. I can feel myself write this and it feels great. Why? I don't know. But I know it happens because I am mindful of the moment. This quote took me to another level of wanting more out of life and more out of myself. Made it easier to make myself cross that line of doing whatever I want to because it's... right? Good? I dunno the word but I know the feeling.
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