I wonder why I don't really write much anymore. It's been a few weeks since I've had any worthwhile entry. Most of my past entries have been on my dreams. Still dreaming but I'm too lazy to get myself to write about what they were. I'll need to try to keep writing my dreams.
I feel aimless lately. I feel like I've already found my meaning to life and yet I feel a bit lost. I think it might be because of the lack of love and happiness that I'm surrounded by every day at work and at home. At work, I try everything I can to keep everyone happy. But it's always a constant struggle between keeping the co-workers happy versus keeping the owner off my back. It would be easy if I was on the owner's side more than the co-workers but they have my heart more over the cold-calculating one of the owner's. I can't help but care for them. We're all bonded together by having to work in such a shit hole. Only through the companionship do some days at work become Heaven on Hell. I've made a few friends that I know I'll keep in contact with for the rest of my life. I can't wait to see where we end up in five and then ten years.
I think I just dread work most days now. Especially when the owner is in. Just having him hovering around watching everything going on is just so annoying. I feel like I HAVE to keep busy. Just thinking about it is bad. I feel an instant weight lifted off my shoulder whenever he does leave though. I need to figure something out.
At home is the worst. I'm almost losing all hope in ever having the family love each other again. Everything is okay right now, but I know that eventually shit will break down again. It's just a matter of time before it does. It's been that way for the past five years. Off and on off and on. I've become numb to the moments when they argue. I have to be the mediator between all of them. Things will be fine one moment and the next there will be shouting, threats of leaving, and just an air of anger, depression, sadness, and hopelessness in the home. I just want them to realize what blood and family means in life. Nothing should come between that bit it always does...
At both work and home I've wanted to just quit and do my own thing. I've seriously considered getting a bit of money and just leaving this all behind. No goodbyes, just a bag of my essentials, and a ticket. It would be so easy. It's funny just thinking about how real an option this is. I'm not sure.
I've found the meaning but not the path.
How can I trust what my heart tells me when it was wrong? I feel like I've been betrayed.
I don't like Drunk Mac. Drunk Mac is loud, obnoxious, and pretty annoying from what I remember haha. I think I'm starting to dislike Mac as my name. Unfortunately, I don't really like Chris or Soon Kyu. This is quite the predicament.
I feel aimless lately. I feel like I've already found my meaning to life and yet I feel a bit lost. I think it might be because of the lack of love and happiness that I'm surrounded by every day at work and at home. At work, I try everything I can to keep everyone happy. But it's always a constant struggle between keeping the co-workers happy versus keeping the owner off my back. It would be easy if I was on the owner's side more than the co-workers but they have my heart more over the cold-calculating one of the owner's. I can't help but care for them. We're all bonded together by having to work in such a shit hole. Only through the companionship do some days at work become Heaven on Hell. I've made a few friends that I know I'll keep in contact with for the rest of my life. I can't wait to see where we end up in five and then ten years.
I think I just dread work most days now. Especially when the owner is in. Just having him hovering around watching everything going on is just so annoying. I feel like I HAVE to keep busy. Just thinking about it is bad. I feel an instant weight lifted off my shoulder whenever he does leave though. I need to figure something out.
At home is the worst. I'm almost losing all hope in ever having the family love each other again. Everything is okay right now, but I know that eventually shit will break down again. It's just a matter of time before it does. It's been that way for the past five years. Off and on off and on. I've become numb to the moments when they argue. I have to be the mediator between all of them. Things will be fine one moment and the next there will be shouting, threats of leaving, and just an air of anger, depression, sadness, and hopelessness in the home. I just want them to realize what blood and family means in life. Nothing should come between that bit it always does...
At both work and home I've wanted to just quit and do my own thing. I've seriously considered getting a bit of money and just leaving this all behind. No goodbyes, just a bag of my essentials, and a ticket. It would be so easy. It's funny just thinking about how real an option this is. I'm not sure.
I've found the meaning but not the path.
How can I trust what my heart tells me when it was wrong? I feel like I've been betrayed.
I don't like Drunk Mac. Drunk Mac is loud, obnoxious, and pretty annoying from what I remember haha. I think I'm starting to dislike Mac as my name. Unfortunately, I don't really like Chris or Soon Kyu. This is quite the predicament.
Comments
Post a Comment