mac's cheesy thoughts

I wonder why I don't really write much anymore. It's been a few weeks since I've had any worthwhile entry. Most of my past entries have been on my dreams. Still dreaming but I'm too lazy to get myself to write about what they were. I'll need to try to keep writing my dreams. I feel aimless lately. I feel like I've already found my meaning to life and yet I feel a bit lost. I think it might be because of the lack of love and happiness that I'm surrounded by every day at work and at home. At work, I try everything I can to keep everyone happy. But it's always a constant struggle between keeping the co-workers happy versus keeping the owner off my back. It would be easy if I was on the owner's side more than the co-workers but they have my heart more over the cold-calculating one of the owner's. I can't help but care for them. We're all bonded together by having to work in such a shit hole. Only through the companionship do some days at wo...

I think I could make myself cry if I thought about how trapped I am by work right now... so much I want to do but can't. No day off in sight. Sigh... I just wanna go hike. Sadness is something I don't really feel often. Feels good. Alliiivvveeee. I'll have to try retail therapy. Hope I dream tonight so that not everything I see is work. -edit I thought about it, and I don't think it's so much that I feel closer with the world or anything it's just that I never realized how much I took it for granted. Once I'm free, every bit will be that much better. Like how a prisoner would feel after being release but not to that extent cuz prison is just bad. Close though. Oh yeah, and once again when I thought life couldn't get any worse, it just got worse again. I see no light at the end of the tunnel. They say the last thing you lose is hope, and I'm getting there.

///CIGARETTES People smoke cigarettes for two reasons: 1- To look cool 2- To relieve stress I can handle stress in my own way and the cool factor is changed with my mentality of feeling cool when I refuse a cigarette and being the only one not smoking. ///WORK Work will soon become seven days a week with 14 hour shifts in weekends. I miss the sunlight... I miss nature. I want to go hiking and camp out. Ugh... makes me so sad that I'm missing out on nature at a point in my life when I feel so at peace. Work is life. Only good thing coming out of this is the money that I hope to save up to travel somewhere real nice. I would really like to take a tour of Alaska for a couple weeks. Would run me about three grand though. I want to learn how to ride my longboard well so that I can just kick, push, and coast . Couldn't imagine anything being more peaceful and serene to me than putting on my new headphones and just riding around. I accepted this job with something promised to me at fi...

///WORK Recently accepted a position as assistant manager at the restaurant I was working at. I was extremely hesitant to accept because I knew how much I would have to work. Right now, I'm really burned out from working every single day for the past week with about five more days to go before I get to go on my long-awaited birthday vacation. Bonnaroo awaits. I took this job because I have serious aspirations in my future of traveling and this job will help me accomplish that in more ways than one. I plan on saving tens of thousands in order to just travel and travel. I cannot wait. I intend on becoming that free spirit away from society and enjoying Earth to the fullest. Visiting locations unknown, hiking to mountaintops and climbing back down, sleeping in the wilderness, going out into the city of the darkest alleys, and enjoying the best and adventurous of edible delights. I'm getting off-topic. Work is, at its best, bearable with a few bright spots. I'm somewhat eager t...